Saturday, August 27, 2011

Thoughts on Life

Its a fairly quiet day today; at least as quiet as you can get with J. He's chattering away in his language, watching me and teasing me. His personality peeks out more on some days than others. Today I noticed that lately he's paying attention to which side of his shirt is the front and which is the back, and wearing them properly. This is huge for him. I know most people won't "get" that, but when you have a child with autism or another form of different learning abilities, it's major. 
  I got to see his playful side again. He used to play "ghost" a lot, where he covered his head with a sheet and howled, or just sat pretending he wasn't there under the sheet. He did that today some, along with placing a small plastic storage bin on his head. He's exploring his world again and I rejoice in that. 
  While he goes in and out of the room doing his thing, Dad is in the bedroom sleeping. He works tonight. I am grateful that he works hard. We don't have a lot of money, but it pays the bills for the most part and keeps a roof over our heads. It's not always easy but God provides. 
  There are times when I really wish I could work and provide an income to help out the family. In order for me to be able to have a "regular" job, I'd have to put J in some sort of care, possibly a residential home. I'm not willing to do that. I know we will have to come up with a plan for him soon. Hubby and I won't live forever --not here, anyway. At this point I don't know if anyone in the family would be willing to care for J the way we do. It's a lot of work, a lot of responsibility. At the same time, I cringe at the thought of him languishing in a residential home. I know there are some good ones out there, but will they give him the love and attention he needs?
  There is so much going through my mind these days. I know there is much housework to be done, a lot of repairs to be made. There are projects I'd like to work on, books I want to read. Yet here I sit, reading blogs, making lists, writing, wanting a nap but staying up because J needs me. 
     I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
     2. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
                                                              Psalm 121:1,2

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