In Honor of Mothers

So ladies, how was your Mother's Day? I hope it was filled with joy and laughter, and good times. I know that isn't always the case. There are mothers who spent the day working or otherwise keeping busy because they couldn't be with their children, for whatever reason. Moms who sit praying for a child who is hospitalized or deployed or otherwise missing. My heart goes out to each of them. I pray that there are happier times ahead.
   As a daughter, I am blessed. I still have my mother in my life and she is fairly healthy for her age. She's stubborn, won't sit still for more than five minutes, and is a huge worry wort. She can try the patience of a saint, yet is kind and loving.
  Then there's my other Mom. She gave birth to my dear, sweet husband years ago. She is my Naomi and I am her Ruth. It is her love, teaching, guidance, and example, as well as her prayers, that shine a bright light on my walk. Like most mothers and daughters in law we haven't always seen eye to eye on everything, but there is always a connection. I don't tell either of these ladies enough how much I love and appreciate them.
   During times when I was away from home, God saw fit to place other mothers in my life to help guide me along the way. Two who come quickly to mind have both passed on from this life: Glenda Gardipee Williamsen and Frances Perry. Glenda was a deeply religious woman with a strong sense of family. Unable to have children of her own, she brought in others and taught us all well. And Mrs. Frances was a quiet, darling woman of strength. She and her husband Charles befriended my little family and became additional grandparents for our two boys, then a toddler and infant when we were stationed at Ft. Carson.  I miss both ladies very much.
    Today, we started off in the emergency room getting J's wrist stitched up once again and taken care of. This time however, I let The Hubby take him to the back room. I sat in the waiting room and talked --mostly listened--to first one then another mother who came in needing attention themselves. I was blessed to be part of their day and just listen and pray silently and give a little comfort, I hope. I pray that both received the care they needed today.  The rest of the day, I spent with my darling J and The Hubby. It's been a very good day, bumps and all. 
  Happy Mother's Day to all. Go hug your mother, call her, or remember her fondly. Then please go encourage another mother.     

Lessons Learned

 In the four weeks or so that I've been on a journey to health --and actually being serious about enough to try and change this time around -- I've learned a few things about myself.

• Water isn't all that bad. Granted, I rarely drink it "straight" unless its from a bottle.  I tend to doctor it up with lemons or lemon juice. I've also used other fruits at times.
•  I'm competitive and impatient, not always good things. This has also led me to realize that each person's journey to health is different. This is one instance where it's okay to take different roads and still end up (hopefully) at the same destination. I may not agree with some of the paths I've seen people on, but all I can do is express concern and move on. I suppose this can also be said of our spiritual path as well. Hear me out on this part, because I know what you're thinking and you're right. The bible tells us that there is one path to God, and it's a straight and narrow one. But, I'm realizing there are side roads that get to that point. You have to start somewhere. And we all know there are detours that sidetrack us but prayerfully we find our way back to the right path. But that's a blog post for another time.  As far as the competition goes, a journey to health is not a race. It's a lifetime of changes and tweaks. Same for the impatience. The weight didn't get piled on overnight, and it won't (shouldn't) come off overnight. What works for one may not  work for another.
• I eat semi clean and I'm okay with that. For now. I try to eat a whole foods diet, which horrifies some. I drink whole milk and I wish I could get it raw. I try to stay away from processed foods when I cook at home. But I'm at a point where fast food is going to be part of my life at the very least a few times a month due to scheduling, lack of planning, and the occasional craving.  I'm not quite ready to make my own bread or my own cheese. Will i ever be? Don't know, but I'm leaving the possibility open for now. The main point is, no matter what or where or when I eat, I need to be responsible enough to make good choices. Whether that be choosing more locally grown food, organic over conventional, or a simple cheeseburger versus a deep fried fish sandwich, it's up to me. It should always be that way. 
• The most surprising lesson learned? I like to exercise. Right now I walk twice a day most days. In the morning is my alone time. It gets me in a better mood and I can think better. Night time is family time. I enjoy the slower pace with my two men. It's a way to connect. I want to add more exercises but an injury prevents that at this time. It will happen though. I'm in this for the long haul.

The Family That Walks/Runs together

   At twilight, just before it gets too dark to see, a crazy giggle pierces the quiet. That would be my son. Hubby, Son and I are on our nightly walk and J is excited to be out of the house, having fun. For those who do not know J, he's twenty years old and has moderate to severe autism.
  We've been walking nightly together for several days now. I walk in the mornings alone; a brisk walk that I'm slowly trying to build up in time and distance. At night, the pace is varied but the route has been pretty much the same.
  J isn't a huge fan of exercise so when we first started walking each night, he was angry at the end. Jr, our tom cat, chose to become an outdoor cat that night. But J fairly quickly got used to the routine. He no longer looks longingly at the car when we step out onto the porch each evening. He's ready to get moving.
 J starts out a few steps behind us, because he likes the feeling of independence. Because we live in a fairly safe neighborhood, either Hubby or I walk backwards for a time (the other still faces forward since we're walking on the street) and encourage J to catch up, guiding him back to the grass when needed. All of this causes J to giggle, and he begins to run in his own awkward gait. Just for short bursts that catch him up to us. Lately, though, like last night, the goal of the run is to pass me and catch up with Dad. They are a team, running together and giggling. Sometimes I jog to catch up, too.
It must be a crazy sight sometimes. A man, who has been roped into the walk by his wife and tends to walk faster, yet turns and wagon wheels around his little family or marches backwards to us. A young man with the innocence of a child, hanging back, kicking sand and ant hills then running to catch up. And me. I go at a slightly slower pace at first, do backwards walking for a bit, do a few side steps, and jog for short bursts. The goal of the night time walk isn't to see how far I can go, it's just a time of family togetherness that gets us off of the laptops, burns a little excess energy, and gets us all into the fresh air.
I'm so thankful to God for this spring which has actually been springlike in temperature rather than extended summer so far. I'm also thankful for the bursitis that has sidelined me from other exercise right now. It seems a little strange to say that but since beginning this journey to health, I've been more active. It was the restlessness of not being able to do much else that spurred me to get the guys walking with me at night. Safe neighborhood or not, my eyesight isn't the greatest in the daytime and it can be worse at night, plus I feel safer. Most importantly, we all enjoy this time together.  I hope it continues.

Get Real, Hollywood!

I hate Hollywood. Absolutely detest it. Not so much the people themselves, because I don't hate anyone. It's the image of Hollywood. And I'm not so thrilled with the media and the health industry, either.
Day after day in movies, print, television, billboards, internet, and even in person, we are told that we must worship image and hate self. Oh, that's not true at all!  Want to bet? Quick, think of a healthy, happy woman. What did you think of? A thin, tall woman with not an ounce of fat on her, I'm guessing. Most actors and models are impossibly thin and they show off that figure in skin tight and/or flesh revealing clothing. There are very few overweight actors or models, especially women. When you do see one, what's the first thing a reporter or writer says about them? Plus size. Even doctors and the media tell you that in order to be healthy, you have to weigh a certain amount and not an ounce over.
There is a certain amount of truth to that statement. As in, weight does have an impact on the body. People like myself who are overweight have a higher likelihood of being diabetic or have high blood pressure. It's harder to climb stairs without huffing and puffing sometimes. But you know what? it's not the end all be all final story of health. I've seen overweight people who could run faster and out exercise their thinner buddies because they actually took care of themselves a little better.
Am I advocating that no one should try to lose weight? Not at all. After all, I'm right here on My Fitness Pal, writing this blog post while my head is screaming at me to go outside and walk while I have a chance instead of sitting here writing and avoiding making lunch. I'm drinking my water. Getting myself to move. Bottom line? I want to be healthy so I can take care of my family. And let's face it, I want to see less of me in the mirror.
So what's the point, chica? The point is we are bombarded daily with negative body images. Everyone tells women that in order to be sexy or even "pretty" you have to be skinny. In order to be somebody you have to be thin. In order for anyone to even look at you without pity or disgust you have to be slender. The lie that skinny automatically equals superior health is perpetuated hourly.
 Yes, we as a nation do need to eat healthier and slim down some. A few less value meals and a few hours spent walking or playing outside in the fresh air would do wonders. But also remember that its only part of the story. Genetics plays a big part in a person's size and shape as well as the love for KFC.  Thyroid can be a friend or foe as well. I've seen some who could eat fast food all day and never get off the couch but would still be super thin. Healthy? No. They have an amazing metabolism but are still slowly killing themselves by not eating healthfully and exercising.
 I've talked with a friend who can only see what society tells her: overweight equals fat and ugly. Her words. She considers her old self to be fat and ugly. She chose to lose weight in a way I don't consider to be healthy but hey, I'm not a person with a degree and I'm still fat so what do I know.  I know she only sees worth in herself because she's close to her goal of being super skinny and I honestly don't think she will stop there. Because it's been drummed into her that she was worthless as a fat person.
I've talked with a beautiful young lady who has very low self esteem. She can't figure out how to like herself at this point. She's trying to lose weight but she sees only the negative side of things at this point.
And I have me. For nearly twenty years I didn't like myself because I was no longer the thin girl I was as a teenager. I bought into the myth that you have to be skinny to be pretty, to be count as a person. Clothing makers help perpetuate that myth as well.  You have to look long and hard to find clothing that looks flattering and cute for women built bigger than a twig. At least, that's how I sometimes see things. It takes confidence and a sense of style to rock fashions these days. It can be done, but hello under garment industry: even us fuller figured gals like wearing pretty undies. Dont write us off with utilitarian bras. And simply coloring them something other than black or white to throw us a bone is not helping. How about some lacy, femininie fabrics along with the support?
For years we've been fed this baloney that skinny equals beauty. You know what? Anyone can look fabulous with enough make up and lighting and air brushing.  But a size zero body does not always equal healthy. Not in body or in mind. Too often I'm seeing young girls who are still growing refusing more than a few bites of food because they are afraid of gaining weight. Or adult women who think the key to happiness is eliminating any trace of fat in their diets.
Fat or thin, or any other way we describe ourselves, our goal first and foremost should be healthy.  Are you eating a well balanced diet that includes good fats (Yes, you need some good fats in your diet for optimum health!)? Are you getting up and walking or running or playing catch with your children? Being active in some sort of way? Are you a good person with a good attitude for life and compassion for others? If you can say yes to those then in my opinion you have a great start on being healthy.
Bottom line folks, weight and any other number people come up with to define us is just that. A number. Work to change those numbers if needed. I am. Just don't let your happiness and well being and self worth be dictated by numbers. Learn what is best for you. Do some research if need be. Be real. If need be, re learn how to eat. But please don't fall for the line that only skinny people have lives worth living. It's okay to not like something about yourself and want to change for the better. It's not okay to hate yourself. 

Gratituesday: Light It UP Blue 2013

It's that time of year again.

 

If you have never read my blog before, let me introduce you to J Man. 

Yep, that's him. The first picture is an older one from a few years ago, with his uncle Bobby. He adores my brother. The second is one of his quiet moments here at home. J is now twenty years old and he has severe autism. He is not verbal although he is almost never quiet. He is loud, loving, and happy on most occasions. The happier he is, the louder he gets sometimes. If, at the grocery store, you hear a  loud shriek and an infectious giggle, it could be J, letting everyone at the store know that he has arrived. If you see a twenty year old sitting in the aisle looking bored or even lying down, he's not staging a protest of anything but standing. He does not like to stand and wait around while mom and dad hem and haw over what to choose.

   Today I'm thankful to be his mother. (Well, I'm thankful to be his mother every day, even the ones that break my heart, but hopefully you know what I mean). I'm thankful for all the mothers and fathers who are in the trenches day after day, working with their kids, loving them, caring for them, and I'm thankful for the ones who end up making the most painful decision ever : to place their darling child in a school or institution because it's no longer wise to keep the child at home. It's not a decision made lightly and it's done with a lot of swinging pendulum emotions, I imagine. We haven't come to a decision like that yet, but we've seen it on the horizon of our journey a few times. 

    I'm also thankful today for Autism Speaks   and all of the businesses and families and individuals who who participate in Light It UP Blue and promote autism awareness. It's becoming more and more prevalent, with current stats at 1 child in 88 being diagnosed with autism, 1 in 54 for boys. Some put the current stats as 1 in 50 children being diagnosed on the spectrum. Whether because the numbers are growing due to whatever is causing it (I have my own ideas and there seems to be myriad theories out there) or as some would like to suggest, they're simply better at diagnosing it, those numbers are heading in the wrong direction. 

  So what is autism?  (Lifted straight from Autism Speaks: What is Autism) 

  Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and autism are both general terms for a group of complex disorders of brain development. These disorders are characterized, in varying degrees, by difficulties in social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication and repetitive behaviors. They include autistic disorder, Rett syndrome, childhood disintegrative disorder, pervasive developmental disorder-not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS) and Asperger syndrome. With the May 2013 publication of the new DSM-5 diagnostic manual, these autism subtypes will be merged into one umbrella diagnosis of ASD.

ASD can be associated with intellectual disability, difficulties in motor coordination and attention and physical health issues such as sleep and gastrointestinal disturbances. Some persons with ASD excel in visual skills, music, math and art.
Autism appears to have its roots in very early brain development. However, the most obvious signs of autism and symptoms of autism tend to emerge between 2 and 3 years of age. Autism Speaks continues to fund research on effective methods for earlier diagnosis, as early intervention with proven behavioral therapies can improve outcomes. Increasing autism awareness is a key aspect of this work and one in which our families and volunteers play an invaluable role. Learn more …
  I tend to say "kids with autism" a lot when discussing it, but the "kids" that people see and tend to accept behaviors of once they know it's autism, grow up to be adults with autism. Mine is one of them. Yes, at times you will see a 20 year old in the throes of a full on melt down. Or you will see him happily waving his arms and singing in his own language. No, he's not on drugs other than medicines prescribed for his seizure disorder. No, he's not drunk or insane. He's either happy or upset or in some cases, having a type of seizure. If you can help, by all means do. If you can't, and simply are judging or in the way when something happens, please move along. Children and adults with autism are not zoo animals to be stared at, nor should they all be "locked up away from society so we will be safe" as one lady put it after a recent shooter was said to be on the autism spectrum. 
  Learn about autism. Ask questions. Wear blue today in honor of our kids and maybe Light it up Blue with the rest of us. Have a blue light on your porch or in your window. Say a prayer for the kids themselves and the parents and dedicated doctors, therapists and caregivers who work with them. And please, teach others.
  This post is share with Heavenly Homemakers for Gratituesday.
Join us for Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers!  You'll find many other bloggers that you may enjoy as well. Feel free to add your own post there or tell me in the comments here what you are thankful for. I always enjoy hearing from you..
  

 

     

Can We Talk?

How are you at communication? Do you tell others how you feel? Do you, out of love and concern, take someone aside to discuss a matter that has been brought to your attention? Or do you make a general comment, hoping that the one who needs most to hear those words will get the idea? Furthermore, would you be open to talk about something other than the weather and other "safe" subjects? I'm asking these questions not only of you, the reader, but of myself as well. One who is perfectly content to hide behind the keyboard, so to speak, and let my feelings be known in this manner.
    I'm  a shy person by nature. I blush when I talk to more than one person at a time unless I've known them for a long while. Even then, my deepest thoughts and feelings are known only to those I deem closest to me -God, my husband, and my sister. Or I pour my heart out in my writings, most of which the world has yet to see.
   I've noticed though, an alarming trend in the world, and it has crept into the church to some degree as well. Hiding behind the keyboard or a "general statement" made in a group of people when there is a problem or a perceived problem. A perceived problem is when you misunderstand what a person has said or done. Either way, whether perceived or real, how is the person or persons to whom you were referring, supposed to know that you have issue with the situation unless you speak up? Not to the world at large, but individually.
King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. Matthew 18:15
 I consider this statement to be true even if it isn't necessarily a sin. Sisters and brothers (I know there are a few who read this from time to time), we ought not to be calling out individuals in general. If it is something that a lot of people have been doing then fine. Point out exactly what the problem is and suggest in appropriate ways that it stop. But if your intent is to to truly help someone grow, rather than "read" them from a distance, go to them in private. 
  I don't know the person well enough.  Is she your sister in Christ? That means you are family. Pray about the situation. Discuss it with her. Better yet, get to know her. Speaking as one who would rather hear the truth in love on an individual level when someone is upset with me, it works better this way. The truth may sting a little, but the pain of truth is far easier to take than the thought that you aren't loved enough to hear the truth.
  I dont want to hurt her feelings. See above. Don't just come out and say "You're wrong, sister". Discuss it. Say what's on your mind in a loving manner and get her side of things. Go from there.
   Ladies, there are numerous reasons why we feel we can't talk one on one with one another. Most are just excuses. The simple truth of the matter is we don't know if we haven't been taught. Throwing a general statement out into the crowd like a fisherman casts his net may catch a few. Sometimes though, to catch "the big one" you have to use a rod and reel. 
   In closing, I'd like to say this: As a writer, I like having my ears tickled with praise. But I also know that not everyone agrees with what I have to say. Comments are always welcome, good and bad, as long as they are respectful. If you feel the need to contact me privately on a matter, please do. I have an open door policy with my email if you can't find me any other way. Let's Talk! 
       

A Morning Cup of Tea: A Study of Ruth part 4

Well, it's past morning, but today was not a regular day. I think that's okay sometimes. Right now I'm just enjoying hearing my happy boy. I am so thankful for days like today --busy but easy and fun. He's had such an awesome day, I hope it stays like that all day. I love when things work out.

  Because of Ruth's love for Naomi and her faith, things worked out there as well. Boaz gave the opportunity to buy the land and take Ruth as wife to the nearer kinsman, who turned it down. Boaz took her to wife, with the blessing of the elders. Ruth gave birth to a son, Obed, who would be the heir for Elimelech and his son, and also was the father of Jesse, who was the father of king David, and thus, part of the lineage of Jesus.
  When we take the time to pray and follow God's path for us, things work out so much better. It may not always be easy, as in the case of Naomi and Ruth;for a time they had no male heirs to take care of them or inherit, but they were taken care of in the end. All according to God's plan. I think this is one of my favorite lessons in the bible, yet I'm still learning to follow.