Sunday, July 22, 2012


 I have had what is commonly known in the parenting world as "enough". J has been up all night again. He's had his meds. It didn't do a bit of good. He stayed up all night long. 
   I don't know what to do to handle this. I tried sitting up with him. The Hubby sent me to bed when he got home from work so I could get some sleep. He stayed up as long as he could before exhaustion hit. I tried  giving him extra food at night. He's not hungry. I tried ignoring the bouncing and wall banging. It just progressed and got louder and worse. Even when I'm supposed to be asleep, how much sleep can you really get when  A) you know the neighbors absolutely have to be hearing the shrieks and the thumps and what not, and B) and  most importantly, you know there is something wrong and there isn't a thing you can do about it? 
   I hate autism. Absolutely detest it. I love my son. Make no mistake, I absolutely love my son, but I abhor autism. I don't get the behavior that can be destructive. Don't understand the need to be up all night. Hate the fact that he has to be on meds and at this point they don't seem to be helping. 
  Yesterday I was all positive about the insomnia, thinking we had it licked and that it was a one time deal. Now I'm not so sure. I'm sleep deprived, as he is, only a little less so because my body won't allow me to stay up all night. I eventually fall asleep whether I want to or not. 
  I honestly do not know what to do.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Normal is Just a Setting on the Dryer

 I knew yesterday that we were headed for trouble. The day before, J had awakened at 7 AM and ran full steam ahead. Although I got a little rest, and so did The Hubby (but not at the same time), J stayed awake all. night. long. Sleep just was not gonna happen for him. 
   Yesterday, it took The Hubby and I a little while to get moving, but we were out the door. We'd promised J lunch at Burger King. Once we got there, however, he was ramping up for a full blown meltdown. Something he hadn't really had in several weeks now. He was hungry, but he was tired. He didn't want to put on his shoes and he didn't want to get out of the car. It's entirely too hot to eat in the car in mid July, so we tried to coax him out. Nothing doing. He wanted to hit, but that was stopped. Finally I sent The Hubby in to order for us.
   J and I stayed outside. He sat in his seat, I stood beside him, talking quietly. The meltdown fizzled before he even got it started. When you're exhausted you don't have the energy to "hulk out" and smash the entire world. He settled for grouching and some half hearted pushing of the driver's seat. Every once in awhile he'd hoot loudly and some customer would look our way. I just focused on my boy, talking quietly. Dad came out and told us the food was ready, and J still wouldn't budge so Dad went right back in, alone. Two minutes later, it clicked. The food was not coming outside. J accepted my hand and came out of the car.
   The rest of the day went fairly smoothly, if really quickly. We'd planned to spend some time at my mom's for a visit, but our time dwindled to less than an hour after the lunch protest, and still we needed to grab some groceries that had been forgotten the day before, and still get Dad to work on time. It all worked out, though, and before I knew it we were back home. 
   Somewhere between three thirty and four PM, J crashed. Hard. He was sawing logs before I knew it. And I left him sleep. He needed it. My plan was to have dinner ready by seven and wake him up. That would give him enough time to rest, and yet wouldn't keep him from going to bed at a decent hour. Well that didn't happen! 
   Seven came and went, and the sleeping giant slumbered on. I called his name, I shook him, I rolled him over. On he snored. He opened his eye once, then rolled right back onto his stomach and snoozed away.  Okay, at this point you can think oh this is gonna be fun. He's going to be up all night again. Or you can pray he sleeps blissfully through the night and wakes up by six or seven demanding to be fed. Which way would it go?
   He split the difference. I went to bed at ten so that I'd have some rest just in case he did wake up ready to party. He was up at three. Amazingly, he ate his dinner and went right back to bed and slept till close to 9 this morning.  His sleep should be back to normal routine tonight, but in the life of autism we learn that "normal" is just a setting on the dryer. During all this fun and excitement I may not get much accomplished in the way of housework. That's okay. It'll keep.
When you wake up at 3 am to feed a wild child who just woke up, feed him supper, get him his meds and send him back to bed, then go to bed at 5 am to wake up at 8 am and do it all over again, somehow the energy to clean dissipates quickly. But hey, this is the life I was given; the life I chose, and I love it and am thankful for it. :)

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Gratituesday: A New Schedule

 On Mondays these days I have a new thought in my head. I'm so glad today is Friday. Wait, what?? Did she just say she was thankful it was Friday?? Yes. Yes she did! 
  Yes, I understand that Monday and Friday are days (sometimes years, depending on the week)apart. No, I'm not "losing it" (at least I don't think so...but sometimes I wonder if I ever had "it" to begin with. Oh well, that's a blog post for another time). You see, these days, Monday is my family's Friday. 
   For years now I've been praying, wishing, hoping, that The Hubby would have a job with set hours instead of the rotating shifts we've dealt with. Now, same job with different company, he has exactly that. I don't have to switch my schedule each week or fret if I forgot my day planner when making appointments. I know that each week is the same: Work week starts on Thursday at 4 pm, work week ends at midnight Monday night Tuesday and Wednesday are the days off. With this schedule we are free to attend worship on Sunday mornings and Wednesday evenings. This makes me so happy!
  I will say there have been some adjustments to the new schedule, such as training ourselves not to be lazy during the mornings, and missing the long weekend that came around once a month, but it's been so worth it. With autism in the family, routine is especially important. J seems to be doing better knowing that Daddy is home each morning and knowing what time he leaves each afternoon. 
  What are you grateful for today?  Join us for Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers!

Sunday, July 15, 2012

The Lord is My Buckler


In my Wednesday night ladies bible class we are studying the life of David. Last week we discussed Saul hounding David, and David's eventual retreat to the land of the Philistines, despite Saul's assertion that he will no longer chase him. He wants David to come home. (! Samuel 29, 30) David becomes chief body guard to King Achish. There is a battle between the Philistines and Saul's army, but instead of fighting his own people for Achish, David and his men are sent back to Ziklag, where David finally turns back to God. It is after David goes after the Amalekites who took both his wives and everything else the Amalekites took, that he is told of the deaths of Saul and David's friend Jonathan. David mourns for both, even though Saul had tried to kill him several times.
  This is a rather condensed version of what happened. I encourage you to read for yourself the account. But it was after Saul's death that Davide wrote Psalm 18.  Verse two says:
  The Lord is my rock, and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust: my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
  I had no idea what a buckler is so I looked it up. Merriam Webster defines a buckler as a small round shield held by a handle at arm's length or one that shields and protects.  David said that God was his buckler. His shield. Many times in David's life he could have been harmed, yet God protected him. He protects us as well.
  Does this mean as Christians we won't or should never deal with anything bad? No. In this life we will experience hurts and misfortune and eventually we will lose our physical life. But, if we let him, God is there the entire time. God didn't stop the persecution from Saul, but he kept David through it all. David grew stronger in faith because of all he'd been through. Like steel or gold, we too must withstand some fire in our lives to strengthen and refine us as Christians. We may not always understand why we are going through a particular trial, while we are in the midst of it, and sometimes the answer doesn't show up at all in this life, but God is there the entire time. 
  Read psalm 18 and see how David praises God.     

Friday, July 13, 2012

Blowing the Dust Off the Keys

WHOOSH! Cough! Cough! (Blowing some of the dust off the type writer here)
  Ugh. Excuse me. Pardon the dust and the cobwebs, please. It's been a little while since I made my way over her to my writing corner. Things are a little dusty around here, and my writing voice is a bit rusty, but we'll find our way again. 
  Life has been interesting the last several weeks. I've prayed and hoped and wished for The Hubby to have consistent work hours, and he now has that. I'm so thankful. His work week begins on Thursdays and ends on Monday when he returns home. Tuesday and Wednesday are now our weekends. Because his hours are 4pm to 12 am, we are free to attend worship each Sunday morning and Wednesday evening. This also gives us plenty of family time together and when scheduling appointments the only thing I really need to remember is to schedule for mornings. 
  With friends on Facebook and on Pinterest buzzing about the coming school year, and with J showing interest in doing things, I've decided to work a little harder at home educating J again. I never really stopped with working with him on some self help skills, but I want to try again with some academics as well. I've been pinning new ideas left and right, and I've even looked into a home school curriculum to work with him. I don't know that we will be buying one just yet, but I like at least getting ideas for now and seeing what I do want for J. 
   I have some thinking to do for myself. I have a lot of irons in the fire, and interests that I want to pursue, and some things will inevitably have to go. This blog, whether anyone reads it or not, will stay. I will bring back bible study and write about it, because I've learned that I stick to it more easily if I write about what I learn. 
  One thing I started during my blogging hiatus, is an exercise and eating plan. I walk a mile and a half an average of five days a week, working my way to two miles each day. I haven't yet begun doing other exercises on a consistent basis but I plan to start next week. As for eating, I've been listening to my body more. I eat when I'm hungry, and I've been trying to train myself not to eat in front of the computer, the television, or while reading. That way I pay attention to what I'm eating and I end up eating less. I also have been drinking more water. I hate the taste of tap, don't like buying bottled water all the time, and i can never remember to buy filters for those special water pitchers so I usually add lemon juice or frozen fruit to my water. Makes it taste better and I find myself reaching for water more than my sweet tea these days.  I feel better and my depression has decreased tremendously since beginning this. I've been following the guidelines in the book Change One by Reader's Digest. However, I don't do diet sodas, sugar substitutes, or margarine. Sorry, I refuse. I know that makes it slightly harder for me to lose weight, but I can deal with that. 
  Well, I've talked enough for now. More tomorrow. Thanks for listening. Have a great day.