Early Morning Autism Musings

It's after five in the morning. Two kittens affectionately known as the Zombie Twins have battled to the tired and are now asleep on my legs. A restless Baby Bear is slowly falling asleep on the other side of my bed after being up since at least three AM and playing musical beds and gigglepalooza in the kitchen. Those are two of his favorite games to play when insomnia strikes. There is nothing inspiring in the kitchen, he was simply avoiding sleeping in his own room and not really wanting to settle down in mine. This is the life of autism that I've come to know lately. This isn't the first insomnia inspired post, and likely won't be the last, either.

We have been working with a caseworker in order to get J qualified for a waiver that would free up money for some of his particular needs, such as a group or host home if he needs it, respite care (much needed), and maybe someone to come into the home to help with his daily care. My dream? Someone who could take the night shift so I'd be more able to manage his day time needs. We aren't so sure that would happen, but as I've said, it's a dream.

We have had well meaning doctors and friends, and even family at times, encourage the Hubs and I to think about placement for J. I will admit that there have been times that something like that would be a blessing. But when it comes right down to it, neither of us want to face that aspect just yet. I know I don't. A chance for J to have community access (translation: day program that gets him out of the house and has the added perk of excursions to restaurants and activities) and respite when we all need a break, yes. Someone else caring for my child 24/7, not. Not yet.

Do I have a problem with other families who choose the option of group homes or host homes(akin to foster homes, but for adults with special needs when a group home isn't suitable, the person cannot live on his own, and family cannot or will not provide care)? Not at all. For a variety of reasons, that conclusion is reached. None of us know what tomorrow holds. The Hubs and I certainly aren't getting any younger. Great health isn't always going to be there. We won't always be there, much as I hate to think about that. And family can't always be counted on to pick up the slack and take in an adult with special needs. These are things that I think about when I'm up nights.

Speaking of my young insomniac child, sleep has finally found him. Dad will need his own rest once he comes in from work in a few hours, so it's time for me to try and get back to dreamland. Have a good morning.

Goodbye September, Hello October

Ok, if you received this without a title, it's because it was written last night around midnight when I should have gone to bed. Fun fun.


Can you believe September is already gone? Time sure flies, doesn't it? I haven't written as much as I would have liked this month, but for me, family comes first.  So, what have you been up to lately? I'll catch you up a little and give a few tidbits if you'll share with me how it's going with you. Deal?
  Remember Heavenly Homemakers Funky Fresh Kitchen Challenge? I didn't blog as much about it as I'd meant to, but I tried keeping up with Laura. As for me, I nearly gave myself a big, fat FAIL on the month long challenge series, but I decided to be lenient and give myself a D. A lot of the challenges I ended up putting a "to be continued" label on them for one reason or another. That's okay. I haven't given up on doing those things. But I did decide to try menu planning again, which is a step in the right direction, and I got my pantry area cleaned out and functional. So woohoo there! Sorry, no pictures. Need to replace my camera at some point in the future.
  I decided earlier to put myself through Home Ec 101 and get my act together in a few areas. It's still a work in progress. I have a friend now (Hi, Sharon!) who encourages me each week to declutter and organize. We chat via private message on Facebook on Mondays, and sometimes one other day during the week. We tell each other what we are working on that particular day, and I think it's beneficial for both of us.
  As I mentioned earlier I'm trying to master the art of menu planning. It comes so simply to so many, but I struggle with it. I know basically what my family eats, and I'm learning to keep a list of pantry items so I can come up with nutritious meals. I am even learning to take into account the schedule so I can figure out if we need to eat out on a certain day because of doctor appointments, or whether I can figure out another way to make sure we're fed while on the road.
   J continues to do well without the behavior medications, but I've found that he still needs melatonin to help him sleep. He's currently dealing with insomnia. O joy of joys. So this early bird has had to adjust her sleep schedule a wee bit to accommodate the situation. (Whew! Took three tries to spell accommodate correctly.)
  Also, I'm in house hunting mode. I have a scout in the area we'd like to live in, both for financial and work reasons, and I've been doing some searching on the net to see what is out there that we could possibly afford. I'm seeing a few prospects. The biggest thing now is to look at the houses, set the ball in motion, and trust that God will lead us to the home that is right for us. I'm praying for this.  There has already been a blessing in this: I'm getting to better know an old friend from school, and I have a new friend in his wife as well. I am really hoping and praying this works out because it has been so long since I lived close to a friend so I could visit and talk. Bonus: I'd have more motivation to keep the house organized and clean! I don't know about you, but knowing company may show up is a HUGE motivator in housekeeping.
  Something new, something new.A Proverbs Wife is beginning a weeklong reading of Colossians  today (October 1). It runs through Sunday, October 7. I hope you'll join the discussion there.
  Well, that's all the news for now on my end. What about you? What have you been up to lately? Are you accomplishing all the goals you set for yourself? I'd love to hear from you.

Insomnia

 I have had what is commonly known in the parenting world as "enough". J has been up all night again. He's had his meds. It didn't do a bit of good. He stayed up all night long. 
   I don't know what to do to handle this. I tried sitting up with him. The Hubby sent me to bed when he got home from work so I could get some sleep. He stayed up as long as he could before exhaustion hit. I tried  giving him extra food at night. He's not hungry. I tried ignoring the bouncing and wall banging. It just progressed and got louder and worse. Even when I'm supposed to be asleep, how much sleep can you really get when  A) you know the neighbors absolutely have to be hearing the shrieks and the thumps and what not, and B) and  most importantly, you know there is something wrong and there isn't a thing you can do about it? 
   I hate autism. Absolutely detest it. I love my son. Make no mistake, I absolutely love my son, but I abhor autism. I don't get the behavior that can be destructive. Don't understand the need to be up all night. Hate the fact that he has to be on meds and at this point they don't seem to be helping. 
  Yesterday I was all positive about the insomnia, thinking we had it licked and that it was a one time deal. Now I'm not so sure. I'm sleep deprived, as he is, only a little less so because my body won't allow me to stay up all night. I eventually fall asleep whether I want to or not. 
  I honestly do not know what to do.

A Morning Cup of Tea: Lie Down and Sleep

Good morning! Due to lack of sleep I'm not quite ready to tackle chapter 9 of John just yet, so this is a special weekend edition of a Morning Cup. <smile>
   Last night was the second in a row that I could not sleep. Technically its the third night, but I got more sleep on Wednesday than the previous two nights. Stress over various things, worry over George, the youngest cat in our household (he's a homebody who likes to be near The Hubby or me, especially at bedtime, and he was MIA), nothing really major but enough to keep me awake. The Hubby was at work but was able to talk with me some during some downtime. He is very often a calming influence when I let the cares of the world get to me. He suggested a warm cup of tea and writing or art journaling.  
 I decided to art journal some, but i had my notebook by my side as well just in case that muse struck. I had seen  earlier on Facebook the above verse from Psalms that a friend had posted and it was the perfect verse for me last night. "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety".   Can you see how reassuring and comforting that is? It's a quote I want on my bedroom wall so I can see it daily. I live in a rental so I either want to use my Cricut (tm) to cut out the verse in vinyl, or  frame it in an altered frame using a nice font or alphabet stamp.  I'll post a photo or two when I get it done, but it may take awhile. I did get it written down in my art journal last night though, and started the page. A friend of mine also had insomnia last night and she suggested we pray for one another. Reading the verse over and over while i wrote it and played with markers and watercolors, added to praying, helped tremendously.  It didn't take long at all to put the art supplies and laptop away. Just an FYI, experts say that electronics should be shut off an hour or so before bedtime to give your brain a chance to wind down and rest. I don't always follow that advice, sad to say. That does help though.
  By the way, George the missing kitty came home looking like a drowned rat shortly after praying for his safety, just before I fell asleep. Have a great day.

Bring on the Weekend

Is it morning? My son is awake, my cats are staring at me expectantly, husband is off fulfilling his last day of work for the week. The clock reads 7:02 AM. Guess that means it's morning.
 Is there a full moon, or any of the natural occurrences that supposedly make people act strangely? The grinning young man across from me was up way earlier than this --most likely autism related insomnia for him --and I was up and down most of the night with bouts of sleeplessness, nightmares, and strange dreams. I remember saying in one dream, "I've got to tell Jim not to go to work today. I really don't feel well at all." Well, except for keeping him home today, that part is true. I really don't feel well at all. But he needs to be at work today. We depend on that job. I didn't ask him to stay home. 
  Husband will do his job and I will do mine -sort of. I will sit here and write, and read, and communicate with my son, who is nodding at me, talking in his language, inviting me to do the same things. As soon as I can stand I will go into the kitchen and fix breakfast, give both of us our meds for the morning. Eventually, if his pattern holds true, J will go nap after being up so early.  And Mommy will nap, also. 
  It's Friday, the end of the work week for some. Once hubby gets home, be begins his long weekend before heading into third shift. Chores will be done, we will visit family, and we have worship on Sunday. I'm going to try walking again, even if it's just around the block to begin with. I'm also going to rest some and let J and dad have father son time. 
 What plans do you have for the weekend? 

Life With J: AKA Fun With Autism

The day unofficially started at 3:30 this morning. That's when my brain registered the fact that J was awake. Having been dumb enough to stay up till 12:30 (never a bright idea for me, especially when child going to bed fairly early is a really big clue!), my body rebelled at the thought of getting up with him. Bad mommy. I tried getting up, but it wasn't going to happen. I yelled through the paper thin walls "Go back to bed, J!" and listened while he giggled.
  Despite lies told by someone, unless he's with his dad or me, J can't be paid to step foot outside. He is more than happy to sit in his big ugly brown Archie Bunker chair in the living room or stay in his room and shriek and giggle if he's not raiding the fridge. The fridge fairy hasn't shown up to fill it yet so giggling the early morning away was the fun of choice. Knowing all this, I knew it was safe this time to try and rest while he bounced the night (early morning) away. 
  By about five o'clock, his accomplice had decided to join in. LeeLee, otherwise known as Tiger Lily the cat, decided hey, the wild human is up, time for the human who feeds us to be up. I managed to ignore her as well for awhile, but my poor brain decided I need to take care of a few things anyway so.... here we are. 
  J is quiet now although not asleep, LeeLee and her crew are in the kitchen, and my brain is buzzing with things that need to be done today. Hubby will be home soon from third shift, soon to be snoozing away. J will eventually nap. And I...may just join the sleepers if I can be sure to wake up in time to take my mother on her errand run. 
  You'd think by now I'd figure it out. When J goes to sleep, I should sleep. But it doesn't happen. If hubby is home we get to spend alone time together --even if sometimes together means in the same room on separate computers. If he's not home, it depends on how I feel. Most times I'm up for awhile talking to hubby via instant message or face book's inbox. Translation: I chatter and he answers when he can.
  At the moment J has abandoned his room for the comfy Archie chair and he's happily singing and letting me know it's just about breakfast time. He's in a good mood. He's not the slightest bit tired. His giggle is infectious. Every time he smiles I fall in love with my boy all over again. It's going to be a sleepy day, but a good one nonetheless.