My Crazy Life (and I Wouldn't Change a Thing About It--Mostly)

Have you tried studying the bible in a house with paper thin walls? Have you tried? Just in case you haven't, I'll tell ya:It's super hard. I have one hard of hearing brother watching television in his room (three rooms away, just so you know) and I can tell he's watching Hazel reruns. Dear Hubs is listening to the Beatles and other bands from yesteryear in the living room where Baby Bear is happily singing along. I'm holed up in the bedroom trying to focus on Exodus 21 and at the same time holding a conversation with a cat who suddenly does not want to be in the room. As if that isn't enough, someone I've never heard of calls and says she got my name from a friend (Thanks, Carrie.) and wants to send me a gift. All before ten in the morning. Honestly? I blame Downton Abbey, Tyler Florence and Anne Burrell.

Yes, I heard those tires screech. I heard the needle scratch the record as it stopped. I can see the large question mark over your head as you scream HUH????

Okay, so last night I just had to see the current episode of Downton. Had to. Hubs says that's my soap opera. And he's right. I also got hooked on watching Worst Cooks. Last night was the finale. Problem is, both of those shows inhabit the same time slot. Easy choice most of the time. I just watch Worst Cooks on Saturday to catch up. Last night i decided it would be worth it to stay up to watch the midnight airing of Worst Cooks so I could see who won. (No, I'm not telling.)

So what happens when the early bird stays up to watch a tv show? She wakes up later than her normal time and the boys tend to be awake as well. So she retreats into the bedroom with the laptop to focus on reading. She needs to invest in noise blocking headphones. She's going to stop referring to herself in third person now.

As of this very moment it's closing in on eleven in the morning.  Everyone is in their jammies. Breakfast hasn't even been thought of until now. Baby Bear, usually our huge reminder that food is important, is content to listen to the music. The only things accomplished on this lazy Monday morning is the aforementioned Bible study and an online job search by the Hubs. Yes, that search is ongoing for now. 

In just a few moments brunch will be attended to. We will begin our day, if a little late. Chores will get done. Order will be restored once again. But I enjoy slow mornings now and then. I like the chaos that ensues --not the fact that sometimes it distracts me from my learning (I have a feeling I'll be going over Exodus 21 again sometime tonight. Or at least I hope to.)  but I love my family. I like that there are days where we can all take the time to breathe and just be instead of running from one activity to the next. Those will happen soon enough, and will develop into a pattern that lasts for quite awhile. And although I may complain about the hustle and bustle, I hope I'll take the time to reflect and enjoy those moments as well.

Yup, that's me, just in the older abode before this house. Enjoy your day. I know I'm going to enjoy mine. :)

What Are You Thankful For?

Wow, can you believe we are almost out of January already?  While the north east is digging out of several feet of snow and ice, here I am in the south looking at my weather for the week hoping for peeks of springlike weather already. Indeed, next week some of us will be watching for a certain rodent to predict whether we will have an early spring or six more weeks of winter weather.  I confess I'm one of them...not so much that I believe that a groundhog can tell us that information, but because I love love love warmer weather and the blessings spring brings. Don't get me wrong, I like all of the seasons and what each brings. And in the last day or so, I'm thankful that my friends in the northeastern states are warm and safe despite all the snow they've been getting.

This morning I got the pleasure of sleeping in a bit. Not my favorite thing to do because I tend to get more accomplished when I am up by 7:15 each morning. But this morning I missed my alarm, I'm guessing because I needed the rest. Baby Bear was awake with me and joined me, as he sometimes does, in my "quiet time." He looked at me, shivered a bit in the cooler morning air, and said "Cold." This Mama's heart rejoiced. He communicated with me! I was so proud of him. I love those moments of clarity when he can use words to tell me what's going on his world. Yes, i am very thankful for that. I believe he was thankful that I brought him a blanket to cuddle up in, too. 

As I read today's bible passages (Luke 22:39-71; Genesis 40; Psalm 31; and Proverbs 28, in case you're interested) I became aware of lessons that hadn't really occurred to me before. I'm not comfortable sharing those just yet, but I am thankful to still live in a country where I am free to read and study God's word, and take to heart what he wants to teach me each day. I feel sad that on so many occasions I've neglected to pick up that precious book (or in today's world, bring it up on the screen) and immerse myself in it.  A meme on Facebook said it perfectly: The Bible is meant to be bread for daily consumption, not cake for special occasions.

I could come up with more that I'm thankful for: my husband, who traded places with me so I could go into the bedroom to finish my quiet time in, well, quiet this morning. My brother, who has helped out so much and taught me so much since moving in with us. But i have a young man who wants attention. I'm thankful he's in a good mood this morning, and I pray it continues. It means he's in good health. Now, what about you? What are you thankful for this morning? 

Older pictures of me and my boys. I am thankful for these guys all the time.

One Goal at a Time: Bible Study and Housework

 


Y'all, if I believed in signs and wonders I'd be wondering if time was going to stop.  I say that in jest, of course.  I'm in a good mood this morning and I'm writing again. What I would like to do is get back to posting here on the blog more often, but I'll take it one step at a time.

Since the last week or so of December I've been changing a few things in my life. I've wanted to talk about those things here, but I've been hesitant to do so, given my flaky background. I'm a great starter, but not always a great finisher, you know?

Like a lot of people, once Christmas was over, I started thinking about the new year and what i wanted to do with it. I usually have a list as long as my arm of things I want to try or do. This time I decided to focus on just one thing: Bible study. I've started that in years past and have only gotten so far before I let life get in the way. Even discussing here at Home only lasted for a little while. But I've never read the bible in its entirety before and that's what I focused on. Thanks to something I saw on Pinterest I checked out www.bible.com.  They have many different reading plans that last from a day or two to all year. Some focus on single topics such as Anger, others take you through the bible in a year's time. I chose one of the latter, as well as a few smaller topics to tackle. That seemed to be a little much for me so currently I read in Proverbs as well as the readings for the bible in a year.  I'm happy to report that I've been doing this for 29 days now. I read the passages online but I have a notebook by my side to write down observations, questions, and such. 

It's been rather humbling to begin this journey once again. I'm noticing things that I hadn't before, even in "stories" that are familiar to me. I find myself talking to my husband about what I've read. And it's helped me with my word of the year:Patience. More on that later, if you'd like.

Strange thing about focusing on one thing at a time and making that a habit; it flows into other parts of life as well. If you've read any of my Confessions of a Disorganized Housewife  posts you know that it's a continual struggle for me. When my brother moved in last August I worked hard at it and grew increasingly frustrated. Finally early this month I sat down and wrote out a chore list for each member of the family. The dishes, for example, are done by Bobby and me. I do breakfast and lunch, he does the supper ones. And I'm happy to say that it works so far. I still have a long way to go in making sure that all of the housework is getting done in a timely manner, but the dishes are done after each meal without fail (okay, it failed once --but we caught up at the next meal). Three of our public rooms are kept up better, if not perfectly the way I want them. It's a work in progress.  

Well, there you have it. That's my goal this year, one thing at a time. I have much more to talk about and it's my plan to write a bit more this week. How has your year started out? Do you have goals and plans you're working on? I'd love to hear from you. Although I may not always answer I do read and enjoy your comments.


 

Gratituesday: The Perfect Christmas

Each year, amid the onslaught of Rudolph, White Christmas,  nonstop Christmas music starting just a few days after Halloween (Seriously!??), and the shopping, baking, and family, I begin dreaming of the perfect Christmas.  Truthfully though,  I start thinking and planning it a few days after the last Christmas.
And each year, the "perfect" Christmas both eludes and appears.

I am a self proclaimed Christmas nut. I read Christmas stories in July, start wondering about my Christmas cards in August (although I may not get around to actually making them until early December most years), I look for the holiday magazines starting in September. I start planning and hoping for family to be together.  Visions of TV and movie perfect Christmases dancing in my head.  And then reality hits.

Things happen each year. Family members can't always make it home.  Money doesn't always stretch far enough to pay the bills and the gifts for everyone so I have to become creative in how I handle the presents.  This year my mother passed away in August and my husband lost his job in November.  Those two were enough to make me not really want to bother with the holiday this year. I have family members however, such as my son and my brother, who look forward to the festivities. So onward I go, making a simple, but good Christmas for those two. I look forward to seeing some family members and calling others. And yet, I allow myself to be swept up in preparations that my my heart isn't much up for. And it makes me grouchy. No matter what, I'm still looking for the perfect Christmas.

But what is the perfect Christmas? Has there ever been one, other than in movies, tv shows or books? Yes. I do not celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday. I see it more as a time for fun and togetherness and yes, gifts. But over 2000 years ago a star shone brightly in the sky. In the stillness of the night (although most likely not a night in December) a baby's cry rang out. A woman named Mary, gave birth in a simple manger. The gift that night was not only for her, but for those living then and now and forever, if we choose to accept it. The baby Jesus was born so that he would grow up and teach, and ultimately to give his life as a sacrifice so that we may live eternally. All we need do is accept that gift by hearing, believing, repenting, confessing, being baptized, and living the Christian life. 

Earlier I said that the perfect life both eludes and appears. Am I crazy? A little. But both are true. You see, no Christmas (or life, for that matter) goes off without a hitch. There are always things that make us stumble. But each Christmas as I look back, I have the perfect Christmas. No matter what is under the tree or on the table, I have loved ones around me. I have some quiet moments to reflect and enjoy. And for those I am thankful.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.

It's Been a Long, Short Month

My brother mentioned on Sunday that it had been one month since our mom passed away.  It hardly seems possible. But time continues to march on, whether we realize it or not. It's been a month of sadness, grief, drama, and change. 

Here at home our little group of three has been enlarged to four.  Rather than be resistant to this new change, J has been absolutely thrilled. His favorite uncle is now here all the time.  He has someone other than me to see every day. Indeed, he spends a lot of time with Bobby. Although Bobby is patient with him, I know that having all this attention can be a bit much. We are currently having to remind J to stay off Uncle Bobby's bed. J doesn't click with just anyone. Only certain people get to enter his world so I am very happy when I see that connection.

The house is currently stuffed to the gills with furniture, books, and all manner of things that help to make a house a home. Not only did Bobby bring a lot with him, about the same time we were blessed with things from the Hubster's side of the family. Most people use the term "in law" or even "In love" to point out the relationships that aren't by blood. I dropped that a long time ago. They are simply my Mom and my sister. They've downsized a bit to make their lives simpler, and Mom made sure I got the furniture. I love stuff with history so I'm happy it all came to the Hubs and me. Along with a dining set came various other items that I am still going through and putting in place. Things that once belonged to sisters in Christ; lovely ladies who still have much to teach me, even though one dear sister has been gone for a few years now. Remind me one day to tell Miss Erna's story. Suffice it for now to say it is one of dedication. She was a woman of quiet strength. Neither a non believing husband nor cancer kept her from worship if she could help it.

Slowly, day by day and box by box, we are settling in once again. Day to day life is being figured out. Life tends to move on that way.

One month after her passing I'm still scrambling a bit to find my footing. Family that I thought would pull closer tended to pull away into their own safe groups. I'm not so sure that I haven't done the same. Grief tends to do that. Grief heightens emotions and makes people strike out and hurt others in some cases, sends us running to arms we know that are safe in others.  Hopefully, prayerfully, in time family "fights" will heal. 

It's been a long hard month in some ways, yet it's gone so quickly. It reminds me that we need to make the most of life while we have it. And we need to hold on to family while we can. Easier said than done, I know. But life is fleeting, folks. In the blink of an eye it's over. What will we have to show for it at the end?  A life of striving to live like Christ, or a lifetime of looking out for number one? Gathering of loved ones to hold on to, or grabbing for things that give us stature or pleasure?

Gratituesday: Mi Vida Loca --My Crazy Life

I really should be composing an ode to Laura, over at Heavenly Homemakers,
for encouraging me week after week to sit and think about what I'm grateful for. Seriously. Sometimes it is far too easy to get overwhelmed in the day to day drama of bills and kids and housework and everything else...that you (I) forget to sit back and realize the blessings all around us.

I'm going to actually sit here and reflect on the craziness that is my life. The Hubs is still asleep, which is okay because it's the first day of his "weekend" and for once we aren't scheduled to go anywhere today, that I know of. I'm sure I'm forgetting something around here though. 

J is in his room, making a noise that is a cross between a belch and a sneeze. No, he isn't sick. It's a habit he picked up thanks to his cousin and he uses it to remind me that he's not yet had breakfast. No, he's not starving. He's simply bored at this point. If he was truly hungry I would be pulled off the computer or any other task that I happened to be on and led to the fridge. Yeah, he likes to give strong hints. He takes eating very seriously. 

I am the daughter of a woman who somehow thinks I can read minds. One line I hear almost every time we visit is "I could have used your help" on yesterday, last week, five minutes ago. The crazy thing is, she is as averse to the phone as I am. The only person she willingly calls herself is her sister. If she has to, she will make an appointment over the phone, but rarely because she has a hearing problem. Most all phone calls go through my brother, who lives with her. 

I'm at the age where most parents are watching their kids graduate from high school, enter college and/or the workforce, date, have lives of their own. I'm still in the midst of pullups, working on communication skills, and figuring out just who my son is inside that head of his. The grandchildren that come my way are either honorary or feline. And yes, we are on grandcat watch as we speak. Poor Lucy is miserable and crabby with Raven and Charlie, and I don't blame her. She just wants to be left alone. And yes,  she will be spayed just as soon as the kittens are weaned. 

And me? I'm wading through it all, trying to figure it all out and trying to keep up with housework, writing, being a wife, a mom, a sister, and all the other hats that I and every other woman out there wear. I get it wrong more often than not, and I growl and fuss and cry and complain at times. But you know what? I like this life of mine even when I feel lonely or confused or frustrated. Okay, maybe not as much when I feel those things, but I am very blessed and I know it. I'm thankful for this life of mine. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a bored child to redirect and a day to begin. What are you thankful for today? I'd love to hear about it.

  Older photos of me and my guys.

This post is being shared as part of Gratituesday on Heavenly Homemakers.

Confessions of a Disorganized Housewife: Spring Cleaning and Plans for the House

Good morning! It's a beautiful, sunny day here in my area. Daylight savings time is upon us. The clocks have been set forward an hour (really, I don't get why we still do that but that's a rant for another day) and like a lot of people, my mind is on spring cleaning. Well, for me, my mind is on cleaning in general. Because of the move, a few things like turning mattresses and general cleanup have been done already. But now that we deal with gas for heat and cooking, I get to learn all about that type of upkeep. The windows could stand a good washing (we have awnings from way back in the day on some of the windows so I get to figure out how to wash the outsides of the windows), and I'm pretty sure the awnings need to be cleaned as well. Looks like I'll be starting a honey do list for The Hubs. He's better at cleaning the rain gutters and that type of thing.  It's also time to get moving on a garden and doing a little landscaping out there. I have lots of plans for this home, and hopefully I will share a little of that with you as the weeks go by. Because of our limited budget, not everything on our list will get done this year, but that's okay. 

In sprucing up on the inside, I really want to get some painting done, especially in the two bedrooms.

These two photos were taken before we moved. The top is the master bedroom and is a really bright pink. I love pink, I really do. But that is a bit too bright for me. The Hubs has agreed to a much softer shade of pink. The carpet I'm not so concerned with because as soon as I can replace it with laminate or anything else that fits my budget and looks like hardwood and will last a long while, it's outta here, baby! Carpets in my opinion hold a lot of dust, dirt and cat hair, even when you vacuum regularly. I'd rather sweep and damp mop and keep going. 

The bottom room there has very poor lighting for the photo. The paint looks chocolate brown there but is more of a cross between chocolate and raspberry. I'm not crazy about it. The bear cave is going to become a blue-green. Since the bear cave is J's room, I don't think curtains will go in there at all. I'm thinking sturdier blinds, and very few additions other than removing the carpet for something simpler. He is truly zen. He does not like a lot of clutter in his space. In fact, the barer, the better. I will honor his wishes on that. 

Now that I've shown you the "before" pictures of the bedrooms, I will be sure to keep you updated when the rooms are done.  For now though, my sweet husband has informed me it's time to eat , and then I need to finish my laundry and thin out the growing stack of magazines, not to mention catch up on my filing. Happy Monday!

Gratituesday: Thankful for Waiting

Yup, I'm still here. Haven't moved yet, although I have been packing some, in anticipation of getting out of here.
  No, I'm not the picture of patience. I too am a product of today's microwave society. Gotta have it now. I'm not happy about waiting. But I'm learning to be thankful for the chance. Being impatient is part of the reason we ended up in this particular abode in the first place. Not a good choice.

 In the past several years I've been waiting, on one thing or another. Obviously, I haven't learned what I'm supposed to yet because that particular one keeps coming up. This time, (I hope) is different. This time I'm being a little more patient and waiting on the right doors to open up. Am I happy that I will be living here possibly through Thanksgiving and maybe even Christmas? Nope. Not a bit. I'd rather live anywhere than here. But not being happy about one particular thing in my life isn't going to affect my JOY.  I have too much to be thankful for. I have a roof over my head and food in my belly. My family and I are healthy. Minus an episode on Sunday, J has been doing well the last four months or so. The list could go on. And does. 
  I'll admit, I've stamped my little foot in frustration at houses being rented before we even get a chance to see them (the last one was 99% rented yet we were allowed to look the place over, at the very same moment as the young man who had first dibs on the place. Sigh! Yup, he took it). The one thing I need to remember is God's timing is His own. Not mine. The next place for us to live will show up. I'm holding on to that promise. 

I've seen what happens when I do things on my own. I'd rather be dependent on God. 

 Join us for Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers!

Packing, Moving, and Hiding Places...Or, Have You Seen Where J Hid the Packing Tape?

For at least two years now I've been wanting to move. For the past six months, it has turned into a must move. While I'm grateful to have a roof over our heads, this place really isn't much more than that. Even with the little we pay in rent for this place, we continue to struggle financially because The Hubs works so far away (about 50 miles one way, five days a week) for pay that is good but not great. So we are looking for a place closer in. No rentals that we can afford have shown up in the city he works in (that isn't an apartment, in any case. Those wont work because J gets very loud much of the time and we have pets) so we have found a place a little farther out. 

This new place is small from what I understand, but I'm hoping this is what we need. We haven't seen the place in person yet --hope to this week. But The Hubs has checked the maps online and it looks as if he can shave off at least ten miles each way in heading to work. If this is the case, then we're going to make the place work. If the mileage is the same... we will be back to square one until another answer comes along. 

In the meantime, I'm already packing. So far not much has been boxed up other than cookbooks, kitchen decorations, linens, and a few baking pieces that I can live without for the next few weeks. However, I've discovered a few things about our dear son since last night. For instance:

• Packing tape and markers are fair game and will be hidden if left out over night (I still haven't found the hiding place for them and I can only hope that the tape is still on its dispenser. Packing tape is evil without that flimsy piece of plastic).
• In an effort to be helpful and put away things his crazy parents left out, a roll of toilet paper has been found in a cabinet holding rarely used bakeware.
• For some strange reason he decided that we needed to keep an empty tea box. It too, was found in the cabinet with the bakeware.

As for myself, while I continue to look for the absent tape, I will keep packing as I can. I am discovering that moving is the perfect time to declutter. While I am still hanging on to certain magazines despite the fact that most of that stuff can be found online, I have gotten rid of quite a few that I no longer need or want, as well as about half a trash bag full of empty jars of various sizes and shapes. In a fit of "jars are great! frugality", I began saving them.  Salsa, pickle, sauerkraut, you name it. Big, small, fat, skinny. Did not matter. Now granted, many of the larger ones have been put to use in my pantry, but I still had  have many empties lurking, I'm pretty sure of it, in dark corners, waiting to be put to use. 

I do know, sure as I know my own name, that once I've found all the empties and disposed of the ones I'm sure I don't need, that I'll find a use for them. That's the pack rat in me talking. After all, I was taught well by two loving parents who, although neater than I am, kept many things. My mom still does this. You need batteries? She has them. Bless her heart, it will take her about an hour of searching through her many boxes, but she has them squirreled away in a closet somewhere.  Nevertheless, it's time to fight the packrat gene and do away with things we really do not need. 

As I tend to do lately, I apologize for not posting very often lately, but I will return. I promise you this, to the best of my ability I will not give up writing here. There is still much to say about J, autism, moving, life in general. In the meantime though, either by the end of it all I will have packed up almost everything to give the place a good scrubbing  and manage to live here a little longer, or we will move quickly so that we can all get back to normal. Or at least a reasonable facsimile of it, just before the holidays descend upon us. Have a wonderful day. I'll talk to you again soon.
 

My Secret Desire

Being a part time blogger can be very interesting. This is a place where I can download my thoughts on autism, motherhood, life in general. I even write about my studies in the bible now and again. I don't have a large following, but I do have a few cheer leaders who follow my writing. Although I don't always answer the comments online, I am grateful for everyone who takes the time to read what I have to say, especially if I get feedback. One cheer leader in particular, I get to see in person (not nearly often enough, though). She cheers when I've written something new, and encourages me to continue when I've hit a dry spell. Too often lately that's been the case. I am hoping I've turned a corner though.

Saturdays have become my day to walk to the library and back, usually with a load of books and dvds. If there is a class, like today, I usually stay. I didn't this time though. Too much going on at home. Or so I thought. Since both my guys are asleep at this point, I could have stayed. No matter. I'm digressing. Usually on my walk I start comparing this town I live in to the fictional town of Mayberry. I feel safe enough to walk the five or so blocks to the library or the grocery store.  I know that crime exists in this community, but I've been blessed enough for it not to have touched my family. So far though, that post has not "gelled" in my mind enough to present it here. Hopefully it will soon though. 

Always on Saturday I look around and see the housework that needs to be done, but I've claimed these hours for myself. I read, I watch, and lately, I write. At least since I was a young teenager I've had a story burning to be told. I've written it a few times but never quite finished it. I'd set it aside for weeks, months, even years at a time. Occasionally another story would take its place, but this particular one has always been on the back burner. The characters grow and continue with their lives in my head, but they beckon me with this story that they want told. I am not a superstitious person really, but I don't want to jinx the flow by discussing it too much. I will talk about it a bit privately, however. It involves two teenagers who find themselves faced with a really big problem. This week I've been able to write about three pages a day (single spaced) on this book. I've wanted to be a published author for as long as I can remember. I've played around a few times, and had some many false starts, and let other things and people distract me from my writing. I'd almost forgotten that in addition to being a wife and mother, daughter and sister who takes care of everyone else, that I am a writer. So, by the first of the year, I want this story to be ready to find a publisher. Whether it be a true, hold-in your-hands book or an ebook. I want to find someone who will take a chance on me. It's a long shot, I'm pretty sure, but I'll never know if I don't try.

Early Morning Autism Musings

It's after five in the morning. Two kittens affectionately known as the Zombie Twins have battled to the tired and are now asleep on my legs. A restless Baby Bear is slowly falling asleep on the other side of my bed after being up since at least three AM and playing musical beds and gigglepalooza in the kitchen. Those are two of his favorite games to play when insomnia strikes. There is nothing inspiring in the kitchen, he was simply avoiding sleeping in his own room and not really wanting to settle down in mine. This is the life of autism that I've come to know lately. This isn't the first insomnia inspired post, and likely won't be the last, either.

We have been working with a caseworker in order to get J qualified for a waiver that would free up money for some of his particular needs, such as a group or host home if he needs it, respite care (much needed), and maybe someone to come into the home to help with his daily care. My dream? Someone who could take the night shift so I'd be more able to manage his day time needs. We aren't so sure that would happen, but as I've said, it's a dream.

We have had well meaning doctors and friends, and even family at times, encourage the Hubs and I to think about placement for J. I will admit that there have been times that something like that would be a blessing. But when it comes right down to it, neither of us want to face that aspect just yet. I know I don't. A chance for J to have community access (translation: day program that gets him out of the house and has the added perk of excursions to restaurants and activities) and respite when we all need a break, yes. Someone else caring for my child 24/7, not. Not yet.

Do I have a problem with other families who choose the option of group homes or host homes(akin to foster homes, but for adults with special needs when a group home isn't suitable, the person cannot live on his own, and family cannot or will not provide care)? Not at all. For a variety of reasons, that conclusion is reached. None of us know what tomorrow holds. The Hubs and I certainly aren't getting any younger. Great health isn't always going to be there. We won't always be there, much as I hate to think about that. And family can't always be counted on to pick up the slack and take in an adult with special needs. These are things that I think about when I'm up nights.

Speaking of my young insomniac child, sleep has finally found him. Dad will need his own rest once he comes in from work in a few hours, so it's time for me to try and get back to dreamland. Have a good morning.

Just in Case You're Wondering...

Just in case you're wondering where I am these days...

I haven't given up writing yet, on the blog or my fiction writing. I just haven't been doing a lot of either lately because life is catching up with me. We've had the usual doctor appointments (all routine), running errands, that sort of thing. Because of all the running around, my housekeeping has slipped even further than my usual standards, and that isn't good. At the moment I have laundry washing and a few loads outside on the line. I love the dryer I was given, along with my washer, but I find I move a bit more and my electric bill isn't quite so high when I depend on solar power a bit more. :)

Speaking of moving, I've been trying to add a bit more exercise into my life these days because I want to be healthier. I joined MyFitnessPal.com (free) in April and became a member of Weight Watchers (not so free) in late June as a birthday gift to myself when I needed an extra push to get the pounds off. Between the two I'm learning a lot and slowly shedding the excess weight. Slow is good. I'm a bit of an odd duck with both groups, although most of my WW friends don't know it. I don't do fat free or low fat anything if I can help it. I've gone down that road before and gained weight. I can never get used to the taste of low fat or fat free items, and when fat is taken out, sugar, salt, or other things are added in to up the flavor. I'll let you decide what is right for you, but for me, I'd rather have a little of the real stuff in moderation than the low fat stuff every day.

Also on my mind is house hunting. We are currently on the lookout for either a rental or a house for sale that we can afford in either case. The rental we are in just is not good for many reasons, never mind the cost of gas. The Hubs travels to work fifty miles one direction, five days a week. That adds up, quickly. In addition to that is church in the other direction and the errands each week, that also add up. As much as I love this area, I'm not so in love with  piling bills and sky high gas prices. 

So, there ya go. That's what is going on these days. J Bear is doing fine, it's just the adults running crazy these days. Please keep us in your prayers.

Morning Has Broken

Actually, morning broke about two hours or so ago --5 AM. I'm a morning person, but in my book, morning should ideally begin at 7 AM. At the earliest,  6:30. I could possibly stand 6 if I had to. In my world however, I have a son who has come to believe that anywhere between 2 AM and 5 AM is the optimum time to start the day. And the cats agree with him.

I wake up, deal with the morning ablutions and I am followed by the pitter patter of little feet. Feline feet carrying kittens and a young adult who wonder why their human would prefer they didn't follow her into that one particular room in the house. After all, it's din din time. She's up, so it must be din din time! They are on the brink of starvation after not having eaten for three years! Okay, so its only been since last night but hey, who cares. Food is of the utmost importance for a cat.

The two factions in the house, cat and child, tolerate each other at best and avoid each other completely at worst. I think that it's all a scam, that avoidance. Sometime around midnight or so I think they get together and plot. Their objective? Food. At the most unreasonable time of morning. The Bottomless Pit and the Feline Mafia work together to achieve this goal. Get her up by any means possible: Belching. Rattling around in the kitchen. Singing. A tail in the face. A furry weight on the chest. Incessant mewing.  And so the day begins. The two warring sides, sated, go back to their wary acknowledgement of the enemy and continue with their day. 

Why I Love Books A Million: A Lesson in Compassion , Professionalism, and Just Plain Niceness

Okay, so my secret is out. I love love looooovvvveeee Books A Million. Absolutely adore it. More specifically, I love the Statesboro, Ga branch. More importantly, I really like the staff. 


I'm a nerd, I'll freely admit. An old school nerd at that. I don't own an e-reader of any type. Yet. Eventually I'm sure one will become mine, and that's cool. But I love (there's that word again. Gracious, how many times is this woman gonna say that word??) real books. The feel, the touch, the smell, all of it. I feel that no home is complete without a wall or two of books. 

But you didn't stop here to hear me wax poetic about paper versus digital. After all, I did mention that the staff is the best part about the store. You see, whether we get to buy anything or not, we like going to BAM to browse and hang out a little sometimes. These trips to the store also include J, who does not share his parents adoration of books, magazines, and such. He is there to eat. He's there to people watch. He's there because he has no choice in the matter. 
  
Most of the time he does well, sitting and waiting until he's bored hopelessly out of his mind and reminds the two bibliophiles he was born to that it's time to go. Loudly. We've been to that particular branch enough times that they recognize us and know that J has autism. Bless their hearts, they are always nice and polite, and have never kicked us out. (We do that ourselves.) Even when J has an accident, it's taken care of quickly and without much fuss, by the staff or us.

 The other day we happened to be in town for a meeting I had. We were at least an hour early so we decided to go to the bookstore.  J did well at first, but he became a little uncomfortable --and loud. He wasn't screaming, just doing his belching noise now and then and moving around a lot. When I noticed the problem,  Dad took J to take care of it and I went in search of a worker. I came up to one just as an older gentleman flagged him down to advise him that "there is a man back there by the exit sign with either a mental or psychological problem." Yes, that is exactly what he said. The young man nodded and moved on. I smiled at the young man with the older gent near enough and said "Yup, it's my son. He  has autism." He assured me there was no problem (the young man, not the other gentleman). I gave him a heads up on the wet chair and he took care of it without a gripe or a fuss. Simple fix of taking out what was wet and bringing in clean chairs from the break room. That was it. He simply did his job and assured me that all was okay. 

 Sadly, in other stores I have seen workers and clients alike frown and make rude comments when J was just being J. Not being obnoxious or loud necessarily, but just flapping his hands or giggling or whatever. Never have I run into this at BAM. Ever. I've had a customer a time or two suggest that I need to "check on him" (he's never unattended because J is usually within eyesight of his Dad if not me). The hubs has had a few strike up conversations with him about autism and even vaccines. It's definitely a family friendly place.

Even in this day and age there are still people though, who believe that kids and adults like J should not be out in public. They don't understand autism, they do not wish to understand (my opinion, although I could be wrong about some), and they do not like having to see or hear anything or anyone that upsets them. J doesn't belong at home all the time, nor does he belong in a home or institution. He's a human being! Part of our teaching him (and this is ongoing) is how to handle himself in public settings. He won't learn that holed up away from others. At the same time, I believe he's teaching others compassion, understanding, and manners. Or at least he could if people would just pay attention instead of frowning and running away. 

So what does my mini rant about rude people have to do with Books A Million?  Not much really, except a lesson in compassion for others, professionalism, and common courtesy. While I think the older gentleman who warned about "the man with mental or psychological problems" handled it as best he could, it's still hurtful and maybe he could have handled it differently. Maybe next time he encounters a person like J he will not be so quick to judge. Or maybe he will choose his words a bit more wisely, especially if someone else is standing nearby. I can only hope. 

Catching Up and Thoughts on the Respect Dare

For those of you still following me and those just joining me, thank you. I apologize for not posting more regularly, but taking care of family trumps sitting and writing. As it is, I'm sitting here arguing with J. He wants attention and food, and not necessarily in that order. Never fear though, lunch is being heated up at this very moment. 
  Speaking of J, he's been on new medication for about a month or so now. I'm happy to report that he is doing well. One of the reasons that he's acting up a little today is he ran out of one of the meds over the weekend. It will get refilled today when he sees his doctor.  He also sees his new neurologist on August first. He has an EEG scheduled for that day. We like this new doctor, as well as the intern. Both took the time to listen to our concerns and asked many questions. The treatment plan was explained well enough and we all came out happy.
  I just completed Dare nine in the Respect Dare. I'm not going as fast as I'd like to catch up with the others, but that's okay for now. I want all of this to sink in. Dare nine was about overlooking insults. Not necessarily from your husband, but from anyone who just plain wants to be rude. I have a hard time with this, honestly. If people are rude with me, I have a tendency to get ugly right back. With strangers and casual acquaintances I can handle it better, but the barbs hurt a little worse when it comes from family or friends you know well. Let me be perfectly clear though: this is *not* a way to say my husband insults me. He doesn't. Like any human, he has his faults. That isn't one of them. But when others do get my goat, he tends to be an indirect target of my ill mood. Thankfully, he has a calming influence on me. He knows just what to say or do and he knows most of the time when to just let me blow off steam so that we can discuss it. I'm the one who needs to learn to redirect my thoughts and words and actions.
  Dare ten teaches not to judge or criticize others, or to speak too quickly, but to speak with wisdom after carefully listening. I know there are far too many times when my mouth has a hair trigger --it goes off without warning. I am my husband's helpmeet. i want him to be able to come to me without dread that I'm going to say something negative. I want my presence and speech to be welcoming to him at all times.
   I reposted a photo on facebook  that shows a cuddling couple by a fireplace and it said "Home" is in the arms of my husband. That statement is so true for me. What a friend commented is also true: she said that was very rare for most women. Ladies, I would never encourage anyone to stay in a relationship that is physically abusive. Ever. I'm not a marriage counselor, nor am I an expert by any means in marriage. I just know that in order for a marriage to work, it takes work -on both sides. What my friend continued to say makes a lot of sense (and I hope she doesn't mind me quoting her) : 
   
sometimes we women are all prickles and thorns rather than a purring cat. But then, there can be a reason for that - hurt feelings, verbal attacks. It can be a vicious cycle. Somebody in the relationship has to put an end to it. Like a square knot - it only tightens when both ropes pull against each other.

Whether we have a good marriage and want to make it even better, or there is a problem that needs to be fixed, I recommend two things -Prayer and the Respect Dare.   It's not about being a doormat, it's not about being weak. Will it be easy? Not really. Will it be worth it? I think so.  
 

A Day in the Life

Good morning, y'all. 

It's about 7:45 am and my patience, sadly, has about run out for the day. Here's the picture so you understand: The day started about 4 am, or just before. I came into the kitchen to find J eating mayonaise and red kidney beans that hadn't been put away the night before.  He scuttles off to bed and I put away the beans and throw out what's left of the mayo. At four in the morning I am nowhere near ready to start the day, so I crawl back into bed myself. Neither of us sleeps. Remember, the Hubs has night shift so he's at work, blissfully unaware that his family is doing anything other than sleeping.
   I check emails, cruise facebook (yeah, my page is mostly dead that time of morning. Everyone is asleep or going to sleep), and finally give up and watch a few episodes of Ducky Dynasty that came in this week.  Is it peaceful here during the video watching? Not even close.
   My bedroom is right next to J's bedroom and I hear the LOUD stimming he's doing in his room. It's a noise that is part teenage obnoxious belch and part explosion. He does this, thinking that's a great way to get my attention and let me know he's hungry. I'm doing my best to ignore the explosions and talk to him when I hear the normal tones. It's about a 75/25 mix these days and it depends on how things are going which way is working, if that makes sense. 
      Fast forward to about seven am. It's finally painfully obvious that sleep is out the window for either of us at this point. So here I am in the kitchen with eggs boiling, J still exploding and making lots of different noises, and eggs are boiling while I sit here typing away. And being used as a perch for two kittens. One on each arm. 
   I'm really not as cranky as I sound. Okay, I am. But not really. I like being up in the mornings, although I'd prefer my own solitary morning routine that smooths the way for the day to J's jump in with both feet and hit the ground running routine. Somehow it will work though. Eventually he will run out of steam and possibly nap. Being a Saturday, it's hard to tell whether I'll  nap at the same time (best bet for today) or guilt will win out and I'll try to prepare for the Lord's day tomorrow. Dishes to be done. Clothes to be put away. So much on the to do list, yet the main one wins out: spending time with the handsome young man who converses in his own language in a way that reminds me of how Native Americans were portrayed in the old spaghetti westerns. Somehow a balance of housework and J time is made.  And patience balances out as well, given a chance.
  Have a great day, y'all. The eggs are done.

Can We Talk?

How are you at communication? Do you tell others how you feel? Do you, out of love and concern, take someone aside to discuss a matter that has been brought to your attention? Or do you make a general comment, hoping that the one who needs most to hear those words will get the idea? Furthermore, would you be open to talk about something other than the weather and other "safe" subjects? I'm asking these questions not only of you, the reader, but of myself as well. One who is perfectly content to hide behind the keyboard, so to speak, and let my feelings be known in this manner.
    I'm  a shy person by nature. I blush when I talk to more than one person at a time unless I've known them for a long while. Even then, my deepest thoughts and feelings are known only to those I deem closest to me -God, my husband, and my sister. Or I pour my heart out in my writings, most of which the world has yet to see.
   I've noticed though, an alarming trend in the world, and it has crept into the church to some degree as well. Hiding behind the keyboard or a "general statement" made in a group of people when there is a problem or a perceived problem. A perceived problem is when you misunderstand what a person has said or done. Either way, whether perceived or real, how is the person or persons to whom you were referring, supposed to know that you have issue with the situation unless you speak up? Not to the world at large, but individually.
King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. Matthew 18:15
 I consider this statement to be true even if it isn't necessarily a sin. Sisters and brothers (I know there are a few who read this from time to time), we ought not to be calling out individuals in general. If it is something that a lot of people have been doing then fine. Point out exactly what the problem is and suggest in appropriate ways that it stop. But if your intent is to to truly help someone grow, rather than "read" them from a distance, go to them in private. 
  I don't know the person well enough.  Is she your sister in Christ? That means you are family. Pray about the situation. Discuss it with her. Better yet, get to know her. Speaking as one who would rather hear the truth in love on an individual level when someone is upset with me, it works better this way. The truth may sting a little, but the pain of truth is far easier to take than the thought that you aren't loved enough to hear the truth.
  I dont want to hurt her feelings. See above. Don't just come out and say "You're wrong, sister". Discuss it. Say what's on your mind in a loving manner and get her side of things. Go from there.
   Ladies, there are numerous reasons why we feel we can't talk one on one with one another. Most are just excuses. The simple truth of the matter is we don't know if we haven't been taught. Throwing a general statement out into the crowd like a fisherman casts his net may catch a few. Sometimes though, to catch "the big one" you have to use a rod and reel. 
   In closing, I'd like to say this: As a writer, I like having my ears tickled with praise. But I also know that not everyone agrees with what I have to say. Comments are always welcome, good and bad, as long as they are respectful. If you feel the need to contact me privately on a matter, please do. I have an open door policy with my email if you can't find me any other way. Let's Talk! 
       

Life with Autism

Good morning y'all!  It is a chilly, windy day here in my little section of Georgia! And this is my second time waking up. Actually, it was a little earlier, but my brain is working now, I think. The first time we woke up this morning was about five-ish.  J was wide awake causing much mayhem at that time, which means he had been awake for a little while. This is never a good thing.
   Damage report was minimal, although my dish soap is MIA. Yes folks, when J is left to his own devices he turns into a cross between Christopher Lowell, Martha Stewart, and a Zen minimalist and decides what stays, what goes where, and what gets hidden. Because I sometimes forget to put the dish soap out of sight, I've learned to have a few more in reserve (hidden from him). I end up with a few half used bottles floating around once we locate the ones he's banished from his sight, but that's okay. I can deal with that for now.
   Soap (or lack thereof) wasn't the only thing I noticed when I stumbled into the kitchen at O dark thirty. Nope, my two darling felines decided to have an Ozzy Osbourne party sometime in the night. Yes folks, the mighty huntress, who has access to the outside world just as her brother does, decided she needed more protein in her diet and my kitchen just needed more feathers on the floor. Her brother lets her go get her prey then he fights her for it eventually. With the amount of feathers on my floor, more than one bird may have been sacrificed. Ugh. When the sun isn't up yet, it's not time to deal with such matters. My job was to fix a cheddar and mozzarella quesadilla for J Man and convince him to get some sleep. Yeah, apparently his sleep was interrupted shortly after I fell asleep last night. He's currently still slumbering as I write this. He will likely be up a little later tonight but that's okay. This is The Hubs' "Friday" so once he gets home tonight, if J is still awake, I'm not worried about it. They can have father-son bonding time.
   For now, it's time to get back into the kitchen to get some cooking going, prepare tonight's dinner (Ham and Potato soup!), clean up the stray feathers and get the final chapter of the study of Ruth typed up. Hope you have a wonderful day. :)   

Tolerance or Love?

This evening perusing Facebook I saw a picture that a friend had on her page. I won't show it because I'd rather not give any company free advertising unless they deserve it.
  The picture stated that company A had a Mother's Day ad that was deemed offensive by some moms and the moms boycotted. The company responded by repeating the ad for Father's Day. Sort of a ha! Take that moment.  The friend commented, "Doesn't the bible teach tolerance? Why don't they start showing it?" I'm guessing "they" means Christians. 
  Okay, I'll bite. First, let's look at some definitions. 

  

Definition of tolerance (n)

bing.com · Bing Dictionary

tol·er·ance

 [ tóllərənss ]   

1. acceptance of different views: the acceptance of the differing views of other people, e.g. in religious or political matters, and fairness toward the people who hold these different views
2. tolerating of somebody or something: the act of putting up with somebody or something irritating or otherwise unpleasant
3. ability to endure hardship: the ability to put up with harsh or difficult conditions

Synonyms: broad-mindedness, open-mindedness, lenience, acceptance, forbearance, charity, patience

 

 

¹love

noun \ˈləv\

Definition of LOVE

1

a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties love

for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>

b : an assurance of affection love>

2

: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>

3

a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration love

>

b (1) : a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment (2) British —used as an informal term of address

4

a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) : brotherly concern for others

b : a person's adoration of God

5

: a god or personification of love 

 

As a writer, I am surrounded by words. I can't get enough of them. But in our (American) English world, there are some words I would like to drop kick off the face of the earth and would be quite pleased never to hear them uttered ever again. Ever. Some words are like certain top 40 songs. They are played over and over and over; overused, misused, and they take on the attitude of the user. Ones that come to mind are the "r" word (sorry, won't even use it, the "n" word (another one that is wrong no matter who says it, in my opinion) and tolerance. 

   Yes, I said I'm tired of the "t" word. The way it gets thrown out so casually by individuals and groups in indignation is annoying to me. It's a curse word these days and it's volleyed back and forth between two groups. Folks, back away from the net and call it a day. No one is going to win that game. Each side just insists they are right. Just remember, if you throw that word, you are in fact saying that it is okay to spew intolerance from your lips. The person or group you are yelling at is supposed to tolerate you and/or your actions or thoughts, but you won't give them the same respect? 

  This brings me to love. Love gets thrown about quite a lot. I love God. I love my husband. I love my kids. I love baseball. I love pizza. Love love love love love. And my favorite, Love the sinner, hate the sin.  I've wrestled with that one for awhile. I've said it myself quite a few times. Something for us to consider: how many times in the bible did Jesus turn away from sinners spouting either hate the sin love the sinner or show some tolerance? Give up? None. 

    Not one time did Jesus shun someone because of their sinful life if they were willing to speak to him. Nor did he tolerate sin. "Go and sin no more" was what he told them. John 8:1-11 is a classic example. A woman caught in adultery was brought to Jesus by the scribes and Pharisees. It was a setup and Jesus knew it. He didn't give them the answer they were looking for. He told them, He who is without sin, cast the first stone. They all left because none of them fit that description. Does that mean we are to turn a blind eye to sin? No. He told the woman not to sin again.

   You know what though? He befriended sinners. He let them know that someone cares. He fed them. He ate with them. He taught them. He loved them and had compassion for them.

  Jesus told us to love your neighbor as yourself.(Matthew 19:19). I think that's one we've forgotten. It doesn't mean you have to go with them to bars or agree that a sin is okay. If a sin is a stumbling block to you, stay away from it. But don't think you're helping someone to learn by avoiding them. People don't care what you know until they know you care. That goes for anyone. Be friendly. Be gracious. Talk. The world needs more compassion.