"Helpful" Advice: A Plea From a Guardian

Since the death of my mother,  I have assumed guardianship for my brother.  It's an honor, a pleasure, and both something I've expected to do for a long while and a responsibility that I take seriously. Well meaning people have questioned my decision to take him in when I already deal with Baby Bear and his needs. I've thought about that myself, and prayed about it. I still believe this arrangement is best for everyone. 

While the day to day life has settled down a bit and we are figuring out (still) how to make life run smoothly for everyone, sometimes we do hit a snag. Sometimes it is an easy fix, sometimes not, just as it would be in any family. Today we ran into a brick wall of sorts, and it is heartbreaking for my brother, but much more for me. 

Because of his disabilities, my brother cannot get his driver's license.  As sister I would love to get him that much wanted document. Well meaning family would too, and they have a habit of encouraging him to try. For all well meaning, loving people out there, may I please say STOP IT. Please do not undermine the parent, guardian, or other person responsible for someone's safety and well being. It makes it harder to do our jobs when we are confronted not only with "I want" but also "so and so says...". I know you have the best of intentions and love B. and others like him. That is wonderful. But discuss it with the guardian first, please.

Do you realize the impact your words have on B. (or other friend/ loved one) and his relationship with me? You say things off the cuff, whether you truly believe what you say to be true, or because you would rather not tell the truth in order to spare his feelings. Then you leave and I get to be the one to be the meanie and crush his feelings (at least that's how I feel). 

In my own situation, I've been around longer. I've seen what my brother is and is not capable of. I know what the government has to say about certain aspects of his life (whether or not I agree with their assessment is another story entirely). I can see more clearly the frustration my mother felt when I or someone else tried to give our own two cents. Yes, sometimes she would listen to advice, but for 57 years, give or take, she was the one who lived with him and took care of him. She knew what was best. 

Believe me, I would love it if B. could get his license. But there are safety issues you aren't seeing. Never mind the financial issues that come with that piece of paper and plastic.  Saying no to my brother on anything is very hard. He's older than I am for one thing. The main reason is I love him dearly and don't want to see him hurt, whether emotionally or physically.

Lest anyone think I am speaking directly to one or more certain persons, I am not. I'm just putting out there what I see in general. Family and friends are very important and should be there to encourage and help, not to cause problems, intentionally or unintentionally.

It's Been a Long, Short Month

My brother mentioned on Sunday that it had been one month since our mom passed away.  It hardly seems possible. But time continues to march on, whether we realize it or not. It's been a month of sadness, grief, drama, and change. 

Here at home our little group of three has been enlarged to four.  Rather than be resistant to this new change, J has been absolutely thrilled. His favorite uncle is now here all the time.  He has someone other than me to see every day. Indeed, he spends a lot of time with Bobby. Although Bobby is patient with him, I know that having all this attention can be a bit much. We are currently having to remind J to stay off Uncle Bobby's bed. J doesn't click with just anyone. Only certain people get to enter his world so I am very happy when I see that connection.

The house is currently stuffed to the gills with furniture, books, and all manner of things that help to make a house a home. Not only did Bobby bring a lot with him, about the same time we were blessed with things from the Hubster's side of the family. Most people use the term "in law" or even "In love" to point out the relationships that aren't by blood. I dropped that a long time ago. They are simply my Mom and my sister. They've downsized a bit to make their lives simpler, and Mom made sure I got the furniture. I love stuff with history so I'm happy it all came to the Hubs and me. Along with a dining set came various other items that I am still going through and putting in place. Things that once belonged to sisters in Christ; lovely ladies who still have much to teach me, even though one dear sister has been gone for a few years now. Remind me one day to tell Miss Erna's story. Suffice it for now to say it is one of dedication. She was a woman of quiet strength. Neither a non believing husband nor cancer kept her from worship if she could help it.

Slowly, day by day and box by box, we are settling in once again. Day to day life is being figured out. Life tends to move on that way.

One month after her passing I'm still scrambling a bit to find my footing. Family that I thought would pull closer tended to pull away into their own safe groups. I'm not so sure that I haven't done the same. Grief tends to do that. Grief heightens emotions and makes people strike out and hurt others in some cases, sends us running to arms we know that are safe in others.  Hopefully, prayerfully, in time family "fights" will heal. 

It's been a long hard month in some ways, yet it's gone so quickly. It reminds me that we need to make the most of life while we have it. And we need to hold on to family while we can. Easier said than done, I know. But life is fleeting, folks. In the blink of an eye it's over. What will we have to show for it at the end?  A life of striving to live like Christ, or a lifetime of looking out for number one? Gathering of loved ones to hold on to, or grabbing for things that give us stature or pleasure?

Everything Changes

 

My Mom and brother visiting the new house.

 

Back in the early 2000's when my family lived in Texas, my husband, brother and I were involved each year in Family Bible School at church. During the week long summer bible class we would do a play based on the year's theme. Each night of FBS after the class portion we would put on a 30 minute installment of the play. It was great fun, helped cement some of the lessons we'd been learning, and in some cases, put popular songs of the day into the "never hearing that song after this would be too soon" category. For me, anyway. One of those songs was "Everything Changes." I think we changed the lyrics a bit and used it when we were teaching about Paul. But these days that particular refrain, "Everything Changes" is stuck in my head

The changes began earlier in the month with the death of my mother. That was a blow no one saw coming even though she was 75 years young. She was strong, almost too independent, still caring for my brother who still lived with her. The one thing she could not do was drive. Her nerves were too bad to handle that so while she lived near us, my husband and I taxi'd her around town. Other members of the family did, as well, when the Hubs and i couldn't. 

Her death left more than just the void of her being there. It meant that someone new would be my brother's caretaker. Born prematurely and placed in an incubator with no oxygen for a few minutes by a careless or overworked nurse left him with mild cp (cerebral palsy) that affects the left side of his body and fairly mild mental challenges. Yet he is very intelligent. He may be at a loss for math skills, but he is the family historian. He remembers things many of us have forgotten --and we three sisters are all younger than he is.

My mother never left a will. Whether she didn't want to go through the expense or simply didn't think it was necessary ("Bobby knows who gets what") she didn't get one done, though I urged her to do so many times. With few exceptions there haven't been any squabbles over material possessions. Bobby has been a different story.  There have been heated discussions, hurt feelings, and a lot of stress, simply because two bull headed sisters each wanted what was best for Bobby. Even a few nieces got in on the act. In the end, Bobby spoke up. While he would love a place of his own, it's not going to happen yet. But while he would be happy and taken care of with any of us, his wishes are simple: He wants to be able to go to church every Sunday, wants a karate class, wants to go to the movies now and then. He chose to be with me. 

While I hate all the stress that this has caused, I am happy for this new chapter in my life. Though we are 14 years apart, Bobby and I share a closeness, just as our sisters do with each other.  I grew up taking walks with him, listening to the ghost stories he loves so much. And yes, as the years have gone by, I, the youngest of the family, have been guilty of mothering him a bit. I mother everyone who comes into my line of sight. It's just part of me to be a bit of a mother hen.

As for the Hubs and J, I think they too are happy with Bobby living with us. J adores his uncle. He sees someone who understands him (for the most part) and he has a few of his uncle's traits. The Hubs is one who loves to talk about the bible and faith in general, and Bobby is very much interested in that.

I am looking forward to seeing life as it unfolds. I know I still have much to learn from my older brother, and I hope I can teach him some as well.

Gratituesday: Family Visits

On Saturday my husband gave up a few precious hours of sleep so that we could go visit family. My sister Susan is in the area for a few days. I live the furthest out from everyone else so we went to my niece's house for the afternoon. 
  Sadly, I don't have a camera so the pictures that were taken will have to be sent to me so I can have copies. The day went all too fast for me, and I hope it's not another two years before I see my sister again.
  In today's spread out, hurry up world, especially with gas prices rising yet again, family visits seem to be fewer and farther between. Sure,we have internet, phones, and snail mail, but I long for the days of living close enough to family that we can visit often. What we've gained in technology and mobility I fear we've lost in our roots.
  Still, I'm thankful for the time we have together. I love the chance to catch up and see how the kids and grandkids are growing. It gives me pleasure to see everyone together. 
 Join us for Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers!

Catching Up, Autism, and Understanding: A Little Advice on How to Help and What to Do

***Heads up: The following post is open and honest. I did not hold back, just spoke what was on my mind. Please remember that in no way is there a danger for my son, husband, or myself at this time. There is no need for "heroics" of any type such as anonymously sending "help." Feedback is always welcome as long as it is respectful. Thank you.


Hello all, and happy Monday to you! I know some of my regular readers are probably fainting from shock right now. Whoa! Two posts in two days? I know, right? It's about time i got back in gear with my writing. It's a beautiful hot day here in Gawgia, and both of my guys are napping. That means I can get a lot of cleaning done...or I can write. Guess what I chose? *wink*. Truthfully though, I have the dishes started and I've got a load of laundry out on the line, so I'm not feeling too guilty right now.
    It's been about a month before yesterday since I blogged. I think it was a blend of losing my muse and just being too overwhelmed to write. The autism battle rages on, ya know? There were some days that I was seriously ready to throw in the towel. In fact, there was one day that J woke up ready to fight, and by the time the Hubs got home, I was done. I told him, take him to the emergency room, I don't want to be a mother anymore. And I meant it. I was completely at the end of my rope. We took him to the E/R and told them what was going on. Although we had waited just enough for J to calm down to the point it would be safe to take him, he was still agitated. They ended up giving him a shot to calm him down further, and social workers from Behavioral Health was called in. By the time they got there, it was about two p.m. We had been there since about nine or ten in the morning. I had calmed down some, enough to no longer want to relinquish my son, but I was still simmering. 
     First thing we fired at the poor soul who came to help: He needs to be in a hospital so his meds can be regulated and they can figure out what works.  Pat answer back: The State doesn't do that. Here's what we can do: Yada yada yada. A lot of back and forth, questions asked, blah blah blah. End result? Baby Bear came back home with us with a new prescription to help the rages, a plan was put in motion to get some help (in 9 months to a year after the paperwork is completed, which is currently at a stand still while we wait to hear back from schools and doctors. In other words, red tape), and seven home visits to see what they can do to help. 
  That was about two weeks ago. The home visits are going well. I found out that yes, there are programs for J in this dinky little town --but he isn't eligible for them until he gets accepted for the help described above. Wonderful! And why for the love of all that's merciful, has this been a secret for the two plus years that this area has been aware of his needs??!!?? Aaaarggh!! Seriously, folks, we could have had this ball rolling ages ago, if someone had been nice enough to clue us in. We might could have avoided some of this frustration, ya know? 
  I've always been honest on this blog, especially when it comes to dealing with autism, because it might help someone reading it. I'm going to state here what I told the social workers, and please do not overreact to what I say: Why is there often no help for parents struggling with a child who has a severe case of autism, until the family ends up on the 6 o'clock news because either the parent or the child or both are dead or hurt or something to that effect? It's not all that often that it happens, but folks, it happens. For those about to say it,  NO, the pat answer isn't institutionalization. 
    These are our kids, not common criminals. Think about it for a second: You're in a foreign land and don't really know how to communicate what you need. Something is bothering you, and you have to get someone's attention. The frustration can build until something happens. It's not a pretty sight. 
   Don't worry, J is safe, and so are the Hubs and myself. He's a pretty amazing young man who is really very sweet. Unfortunately, we aren't sure what sets off the rages and this needs to be addressed. He's seeing a new neurologist this week, and we've been told that there is a good chance they will take him as an inpatient to see what can be done. We are hoping and praying that they do.  It will only be for a few days, but this is sorely needed.  If it doesn't go through, his psychiatrist is working on that end for a different hospitalization. Personally, I'm rooting for the neurologist on this one, but either way it needs to be done. And I'm here to tell you, a hospitalization like this shouldn't have to be a last resort, which is what I've been told it is in this state. Doctors, insurance and the state need to stop turning a blind eye to parents who need help.
  Now, those who have kids just diagnosed with autism or recently diagnosed: how does this affect you?  No matter where your child falls on the spectrum, ask questions. What helps are there? Are there programs available? When a child is first diagnosed, the first thing should be Early Intervention. It's like a pre- preschool. They will work with your son or daughter to help them function better in this world. If you'd rather not have them in a public school just yet or want more, ask questions. Read everything you can get your hands on. There are things you can do at home, starting with some of the things they do at school and therapy with the child. There are ideas all over the web for things to do with your child when they are young. 
    Also, ask about the Medicaid Waiver. It will help. There is a waiting list, but get on it ASAP. It cannot hurt to ask. It is better to be over prepared in this case. 
  Get in contact with others who have children or young adults with autism. There are support groups in a lot of cities, so ask your pediatrician or check in the local paper or local parenting newspapers. If none of those are available in your area or you want some one on one information and support, ask. I don't have all the answers obviously, but I've been in the trenches so to speak for nearly twenty years dealing with autism. Feel free to contact me privately if you need someone to talk to. 
   Number one on the list: Set up a support network for yourself. Family, friends, good doctors, websites, etc. Surround yourself with people who will pray for and with you, someone who will babysit for you now and again so you can breathe, someone who will just let you cry and scream and vent. I cannot stress how important a support system is. Trust me on this, I've done the alone thing (along with the Hubs) because it seemed like although some cared, they just didn't know how to help or what to do.  For friends and family of those with a diagnosis of autism, listen up: If you can, offer to give the parents an hour or two by themselves. They need this. If you can't, that's okay. Pray for them continually. Let them know you support them. Prayer helps. Dropping off a meal once in awhile so that's one less thing Mama has to think about is extremely helpful.  Or just plain listening. No judging needed, just being there with a shoulder to cry on can help. 
  While in some ways I chafe at the thought of "it takes a village to raise a child", it comes in pretty handy when you have a special needs child. Support is needed. The world can be a pretty lonely place at times, and when a child with autism is added, it can be even lonelier.
 

Lessons Learned

 In the four weeks or so that I've been on a journey to health --and actually being serious about enough to try and change this time around -- I've learned a few things about myself.

• Water isn't all that bad. Granted, I rarely drink it "straight" unless its from a bottle.  I tend to doctor it up with lemons or lemon juice. I've also used other fruits at times.
•  I'm competitive and impatient, not always good things. This has also led me to realize that each person's journey to health is different. This is one instance where it's okay to take different roads and still end up (hopefully) at the same destination. I may not agree with some of the paths I've seen people on, but all I can do is express concern and move on. I suppose this can also be said of our spiritual path as well. Hear me out on this part, because I know what you're thinking and you're right. The bible tells us that there is one path to God, and it's a straight and narrow one. But, I'm realizing there are side roads that get to that point. You have to start somewhere. And we all know there are detours that sidetrack us but prayerfully we find our way back to the right path. But that's a blog post for another time.  As far as the competition goes, a journey to health is not a race. It's a lifetime of changes and tweaks. Same for the impatience. The weight didn't get piled on overnight, and it won't (shouldn't) come off overnight. What works for one may not  work for another.
• I eat semi clean and I'm okay with that. For now. I try to eat a whole foods diet, which horrifies some. I drink whole milk and I wish I could get it raw. I try to stay away from processed foods when I cook at home. But I'm at a point where fast food is going to be part of my life at the very least a few times a month due to scheduling, lack of planning, and the occasional craving.  I'm not quite ready to make my own bread or my own cheese. Will i ever be? Don't know, but I'm leaving the possibility open for now. The main point is, no matter what or where or when I eat, I need to be responsible enough to make good choices. Whether that be choosing more locally grown food, organic over conventional, or a simple cheeseburger versus a deep fried fish sandwich, it's up to me. It should always be that way. 
• The most surprising lesson learned? I like to exercise. Right now I walk twice a day most days. In the morning is my alone time. It gets me in a better mood and I can think better. Night time is family time. I enjoy the slower pace with my two men. It's a way to connect. I want to add more exercises but an injury prevents that at this time. It will happen though. I'm in this for the long haul.

The Family That Walks/Runs together

   At twilight, just before it gets too dark to see, a crazy giggle pierces the quiet. That would be my son. Hubby, Son and I are on our nightly walk and J is excited to be out of the house, having fun. For those who do not know J, he's twenty years old and has moderate to severe autism.
  We've been walking nightly together for several days now. I walk in the mornings alone; a brisk walk that I'm slowly trying to build up in time and distance. At night, the pace is varied but the route has been pretty much the same.
  J isn't a huge fan of exercise so when we first started walking each night, he was angry at the end. Jr, our tom cat, chose to become an outdoor cat that night. But J fairly quickly got used to the routine. He no longer looks longingly at the car when we step out onto the porch each evening. He's ready to get moving.
 J starts out a few steps behind us, because he likes the feeling of independence. Because we live in a fairly safe neighborhood, either Hubby or I walk backwards for a time (the other still faces forward since we're walking on the street) and encourage J to catch up, guiding him back to the grass when needed. All of this causes J to giggle, and he begins to run in his own awkward gait. Just for short bursts that catch him up to us. Lately, though, like last night, the goal of the run is to pass me and catch up with Dad. They are a team, running together and giggling. Sometimes I jog to catch up, too.
It must be a crazy sight sometimes. A man, who has been roped into the walk by his wife and tends to walk faster, yet turns and wagon wheels around his little family or marches backwards to us. A young man with the innocence of a child, hanging back, kicking sand and ant hills then running to catch up. And me. I go at a slightly slower pace at first, do backwards walking for a bit, do a few side steps, and jog for short bursts. The goal of the night time walk isn't to see how far I can go, it's just a time of family togetherness that gets us off of the laptops, burns a little excess energy, and gets us all into the fresh air.
I'm so thankful to God for this spring which has actually been springlike in temperature rather than extended summer so far. I'm also thankful for the bursitis that has sidelined me from other exercise right now. It seems a little strange to say that but since beginning this journey to health, I've been more active. It was the restlessness of not being able to do much else that spurred me to get the guys walking with me at night. Safe neighborhood or not, my eyesight isn't the greatest in the daytime and it can be worse at night, plus I feel safer. Most importantly, we all enjoy this time together.  I hope it continues.

A Morning Cup of Tea: Studying Ruth

Good morning! For the third day of spring, it's a bit chilly here, but that's about par for the course I think. Even so I take my walks and see the trees and bushes in the neighbors' yards blooming, and I see the yellow-green pollen ...everywhere...and I make the allergy medicine makers very happy this time of year. Still though, I enjoy it. I know that warmer weather is just around the corner and will settle in and stay a good long while.
   It took me a little while to settle my men enough to think about this morning's writing, and then I had to settle on what I wanted to study. I decided on Ruth this time because it's a book in the bible that I've read, but haven't really taken time with, and also, I have wanted for awhile now to look at the women of the bible. I'm kind of hop scotching around as I feel my way through this, but bear with me, please. I think there is much to learn from the ladies of the bible, both good and bad. There will be some, such as Ruth and Esther, where we look at the whole book and the story that surrounds them, and many where we look at the verses in which they are mentioned to get at what they have to teach. I do hope you'll join me.

   In the book of Ruth, there are two ladies that get our attention: Ruth of course, and her mother in law, Naomi. Today we are focusing on chapter one.

Naomi and Ruth and their family lived during the time that judges ruled Israel. There happened to be a famine, and Elimelech took his wife, Naomi, and their two sons, Mahlon and Chilion, to live in Moab.  Elimelech died there, and the two sons married Orpah and Ruth. After awhile the two sons died as well. 
  In today's world women have many options. We can work outside the home and have been taught by society to take care of ourselves. In some cases, there is government assistance if the woman has young children and the father is not around, for whatever reason. There is always somewhere we can turn if our husband were to die. Naomi, Orpah and Ruth didn't have those choices. There was no government help and women, as a rule, did not work. They depended solely on their father, brother, husband or son to provide for them.
  Let's look at Naomi. Here she is in a foreign land because her husband brought her there. He died, leaving her with two sons who eventually married Moabitess women, but they too died, leaving three widows this time. Naomi is quite bitter, as we see in verse 20, when she tells her people that she doesn't want to be called Naomi. Call me Mara. God has treated me badly.
   She has been dealt a rather harsh hand, it seems, and she is angry. Probably scared as well. Things are looking up in Israel plus she has family there still. She is done with Moab and wants to go home.
   Knowing what she went through, and possibly figuring that it's going to be harder to take care of three women's needs while traveling and settling in back at Bethlehem, Naomi tells Orpah and Ruth to go back to their family homes.
  It's not an easy choice for either of the young ladies, after living with Naomi for awhile, and they both cry and protest. Naomi tells them she's too old to remarry, and even if she did, what were they going to do, sit around and wait for any sons born in the new marriage to grow up so they could marry? No, it would be best for Orpah and Ruth to go back to their families. Orpah went back, but Ruth was steadfast. 
  16. And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.
    Ruth is a young woman. Being a Moabitess she didn't grow up serving the Lord as Naomi did. She learned all this when she married Naomi's son. She could have gone back to her childhood home and gone back to all she knew, but her love of Naomi and love of God (I'm guessing here, since she said your God will be my God) showed through in her decision to continue with her mother in law.  She does not know what is in store for her in Bethlehem, but she is determined to stay with Naomi. This tells so much strength Ruth has.
   We will leave the story today as Naomi and Ruth together travel back to Bethlehem. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this lesson.           

Gratituesday: Thankful for Storms

 If my husband were to read the title of this post, he'd give me a strange look. He knows I can handle storms, I just don't like them very well.  Especially if I am alone and the power goes out. Yes folks, I am a huge chicken who is afraid of the dark. Never quite got over that fear.
   Last night was indeed a "rainy night in Georgia." My husband was at work an hour away, and I had seen online that there were tornado warnings in a few places. On facebook were messages of batten down the hatches. My niece was online  via her cell phone, asking if there were any confirmed sightings of tornadoes in her area (there weren't).  When the storm moved into my area, the wind picked up and the thunder was quite loud at times (though still not as loud as J, who apparently enjoyed it all). The lights flickered a few times, but we never lost power in my area.
  During all this time, I was keeping up with family. The brothers and sisters in Christ that can be found in various places all over the world. I kept up with my niece until I knew for sure that she and her family were safe. I continued talking with my husband, who is fortunate enough to have a messenger on his computer at work as long as he is able to continue his job. I traded messages with others who saw that I was afraid. And the storm blew over. 
  We got some high wind, thunder and lightning, hard rain, and some hail. But it did not last all night. It stopped, to me anyway, fairly quickly after it all started. I didn't pay attention to the clock, just kept praying for those around me that I knew were in the storm's path, as well as for my son and me. I continued talking on facebook. Peace took the place of fear.
    In my personal life I'm going through a different storm. There are aspects of my health that my doctor is showing concern for, and I'll be seeing a few specialists soon. At the same time, I'm dealing with behavior issues with my son. But the storm of last night taught me that I'm not alone in all this. God is here, holding me through the storm as he does every step of the way. I have support here on earth. No matter the outcome of the storms in my life I know that I'm not alone in this. Peace has taken the place of fear.
  What about you? What are you thankful for today? Join Heavenly HOmemakers   for more Gratituesday posts. Feel free to add your own. 
 

LIfe, Death, Family

Photo of family from Photobucket.


Old but true wisdom advises us that "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." Today I realized I am guilty of having but not following through one too many times. 
   My intention has always been to keep family close. Yet the cares and busyness of life, and gas prices too often gets in the way. Today, my niece left a message for me informing me that the mother of my nephews, a former sister in law, had passed away from cancer. I hadn't seen her in years, probably since my brother's funeral, and we didn't speak much, if any at that time. She was mostly there for her sons. 
  In my family, I seem to be the one who wants to have get togethers, but we just can't seem to get it together enough to come together. I know where they live, they know where I live, yet it doesn't happen. We leave messages on Facebook, or we talk via family member closer by. That's a sad part of modern life. It shouldn't be so, but sometimes it is. 
  My heart is heavy because I want to be there for my nephews. I also know that my husband's schedule, as well as finances,  may keep us from physically being there. It breaks my heart that I didn't make more of an effort to keep the lines of communication open. Even though she was no longer married to my brother, I still cared for her. And I love my nephews, and all of my family, dearly. 
  My mother in law has taught her children, and her daughters in law, to say I love you before leaving the house or ending a phone call. She says you never know when will be the last time you get to tell someone those words. I need to extend this tradition with other loved ones in my life. 
  Our spirits crave love. To know that someone cares about us, misses us when we aren't there. Don't hold back. Tell your loved ones that you love them. Let them know how much they mean to you. Make time for family and friends in your life. Don't let funerals be the only time you reunite with loved ones. I don't know about you, but I'd rather spend time together while I'm still here to enjoy it. 

Gratituesday: Spending Time with Family

We live about thirty minutes from my mother, and about 90 minutes or so from my mother in law. With gas prices going up and the usual time constraints, it's not always easy to find time to visit with either of them, though we try. I enjoy spending time with both, and I'm happy when we can.
  This past Saturday we treated my brother to a movie. The Three Stooges was playing, and he is a huge fan. My mother isn't one to still for two minutes, much less two hours so I took her shopping instead. We browsed through some stores, looking at purses, hats, and home decor. We shopped for some items we both needed. We talked. Before we took my mother and brother home we stopped at our house to put away some groceries and let them see the kittens again. I had made soup earlier so I put some in a jar for them to enjoy later. 
  Although we didn't do anything special, the time spent was precious. My mother is in her 70's, and none of us is promised tomorrow. In my opinion we don't connect with family near enough.  In times past family lived close by, and in some instances several generations lived together under one roof. That isn't so common anymore. Relatives are spread out all over the state, the country, sometimes even the globe. We get so busy we forget to write or call, except the occasional text message. That's why I'm so thankful for time spent with family.

 Each Tuesday Laura from Heavenly Homemakers  invites us to link up and tell what we are grateful for.  Join us for Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers!

Where Are You Christmas?

  If you've ever watched the movie version of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas or listened to Christmas music on the radio or Pandora, you've no doubt heard the song Where Are You Christmas. The song tells how the feeling of magic isn't there anymore. It just doesn't feel right. 
 Here I sit in the quiet house because insomnia has struck again. The living room looks like a tornado struck. Two decorative stockings and six Christmas cards that came in the mail are the only signs of the holiday. Christmas is nine days away. In a few hours we will be joining many others in the madness known as holiday shopping. In seven days I will be at my mother's house pre cooking most of the desserts and side dishes for the Christmas meal. Apart from being with family, I couldn't care less about any of it.
   My husband seems to feel the same way I do. Apparently neither of us wanted the tree up this year, and he hasn't for several years, because although I stated several times I want the tree up, it hasn't been done. Honestly I feel like throwing out all the decorations and being done with it. Less clutter to deal with in an already too small house and I won't have to deal with battling feelings.
  I just can't seem to get into the spirit of things these days. I'd love to pin all of the blame on the apathy and depression of others -- my mom who sighs that the holidays just aren't like they used to be; my brother who wishes the holidays were over with already, mostly because he , like most of the rest of us, has only a limited amount of money with which to buy gifts; my husband who I'm guessing has been dealing with depression for several years by ignoring it. The truth is, they are only partly to blame for dampening my spirits.  Each year I come out of the starting gate raring to go! I have lists of gifts to make or buy, cards to send out, food to make. The cards get sent out, most of the gifts get taken care of. Some of the food gets made at the last minute. The last few several years the tree has been put up maybe a week before Christmas and then half heartedly. 
  Blah. I have an inward battle going on with myself. I used to be the ultimate six year old every Christmas. I would get excited about the lights, the smells, the sights, the family, the gifts, the whole bit. More and more it seems like I'm wading through a sea of battling ideas over why and and how to celebrate Christmas (not in my family but online and all around in real life) and trying to be the holiday cheerleader for family who seem to only be going through the motions of the holiday for the kids.  I wish I could block out the feelings of others. I wish I could stop celebrating altogether. But next year I'll be back to wanting a good old fashioned Norman Rockwell Christmas that in reality is more like a mix of The Waltons, The Simpsons, and the family in Nothing Like the Holidays    with just enough It's a Wonderful Life thrown in.   
   This year it's highly doubtful that a Christmas tree will be put up in my house. It makes me sad, but its not the end of the world. We'll have a good Christmas because family will be together. Those who can't make it will call or we will call them. We will be worshipping with our church family on that day. And I will be happy because my husband does not have to work that day.

Should We Keep Christ in Christmas?

Hallee the Homemaker  linked an article on Christmas  that got me to thinking. I don't want to tell anyone whether they should or shouldn't celebrate Christmas, nor do I wish to tell anyone how it must be done. I simply wish to share some of my thoughts on the matter.
  Long before Thanksgiving I began seeing on facebook diatribes on Christ in Christmas --from both sides. Non Christians (and even some Christians) asserting that Christmas is a pagan holiday, those of faith insisting that Christmas must have Jesus as the centerpiece. Some that I've begun deleting as soon as I see them start out with, I don't care if this offends anyone. That's great, if that is how you feel about it. Personally I think the politically correct business needs to stop. On both sides. If someone says Merry Christmas to me, I say it back. If someone says Happy Holidays, I return Merry Christmas to them, also with a smile. If I know the person celebrates Hannukah or Kwanzaa I extend greetings to them for their holiday. And yes, sometimes I do say happy holidays because there is more than one being celebrated during this time of year.
  As a Christian, I do celebrate Christmas, but although I enjoy the Christmas carols speaking of Jesus birth, I don't celebrate it as a religious holiday.  Nor do I think we should spend every penny we have plus burn plastic to make everyone's wishes come true. It is great to want to spoil the children (and adults, lets be honest here) a little. Mom's had her eye on a Kindle Fire,  Dad wants a new set of golf clubs, Suzy wants an electric guitar and a doll and five hundred other things that catch her eye. One popular store sent out a catalog of nothing but toys all with little boxes beside each one. Hand the booklet to your child and let them check off all the toys they want. Easy shopping! I can imagine that most kids would have marked off most of the items in the thing. Or, as I like to tease my husband with a catalog of rubber stamps and papers and the like, hand it back with the answer Yes please. One of each, thanks. 
  There is absolutely nothing wrong with one or two gifts per person. Take some time, realize what you can realistically afford to spend, and figure out what the person really wants. If you can't afford to spend money, either go in with one or more loved ones to buy just one special gift, or make something. As much as I like gadgets  and pretty things, I adore items that took more time than money. Can't sew or craft but everyone loves your desserts? Bake one up and maybe tuck in a coupon for a free cooking lesson or two from you. 
 To get back to the main subject of this piece ( i do tend to get sidetracked on certain things, sorry) I've been thinking that sometimes we tend to get so focused on keeping Christ in Christmas, that he may lie dormant in our hearts until the obligatory time to think of his death and resurrection --Easter. Also a holiday with pagan roots. Although we pretty it up as well with chocolate crosses and religious stickers for the eggs, what do bunnies and eggs have to do with Christianity? Again, nothing wrong with the Easter Bunny as long as we aren't worshiping him.  But....But. Shouldn't we be reflecting on Jesus and why he came here on earth more than just twice a year? 
  The bible tells us we should be commemorating his death, burial and resurrection each first day of the week (Sunday.) There are more than one Sunday each year, usually 52. Scholars tell us that Jesus was most likely born in the spring or the fall. I have no idea because I haven't studied it enough. I'm content with the knowledge that the bible does not tell us the date, and since the date for many other things are mentioned, there must be a purpose for the omission. We can reflect on his birth at any time of the year, certainly at this time, but any other time as well. While we think of his birth, let's remember why he was born. He didn't stay a baby. He grew up to teach, and to heal, and ultimately, to give his life in exchange for ours if we will only accept that gift by hearing, believing, repenting, confession, being baptized, and living the life. 
  This year, my family will be at worship service on Christmas, barring any reason such as illness. We wont be there because it is Christmas but simply because it is the first day of the week. We will be with the church (the people) to worship, to partake of the memorial feast (the bread and the fruit of the vine) and to fellowship with other Christians for a bit. To gain spiritual strength for the week. Then we will go home and enjoy time with family, and friends too hopefully.The more the merrier. Bottom line? Keep Christ in every day.

Monday Morning Report

Good morning! It is indeed a Monday morning and started out at an hour than can only be described as "O Are You Kidding Me?" A.M. Yes ladies, the laziness (!!) of the holiday is over and we are back to "normal."
 The hubs has first shift at work this morning, and he was not the only one awake at that early hour. I heard not only the alarm but also the voice in the next room, singing happily and assuring me that he was not about to drift back off into dreamland any time too soon. No, dear J was on a mission and his mission was food! So, food he got. The furballs also thought early morning was a great feeding time so they got an early breakfast as well. J was presented with boiled eggs, the easiest thing I can think of without resorting to "Let him eat cake!" That will not happen on my watch. Things can get quite ugly when J is coming off of a sugar high. That tends to regress into meltdowns and we don't need those at any time, much less very early in the morning.
 J wasn't too thrilled with boiled eggs first thing in the morning. He held one aloft and proclaimed "food!" Yes son, boiled eggs are indeed food. Mommy's brain is mush at the moment despite being a morning person. Definition of morning: the sun must be up. Otherwise it is still night time to my brain.
 At any rate, I'm sure you didn't come here to read the breakfast menu. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving weekend. The thankfulness is still there, and I hope I remember to be thankful everyday, not just on or near a specified holiday. We were blessed to spend Thanksgiving with my mother and brother, and then a few days later, we had Thanksgiving with my mother in law, sister in law, and her husband's family. It was good to enjoy the time together.
  My sisters both have their Christmas trees up already. I haven't gotten that far yet. In fact, there are no decorations up yet, but within the next two weeks I hope to have that remedied. This week I need to be cleaning and organizing, maybe making a few cards. I like making my own Christmas cards, but I just haven't had the time or energy to do much of that, although I did make a few on Thanksgiving while my family napped. This year only a few people will get the handmade cards, and all others on my list will get a regular Christmas card. All will be sent with love, though. 
  What about you? Are you ready for the Christmas /holiday season? Have you begun shopping? Are you already done? Or do you make your gifts? I think a lot of ours will be handmade this year. I adore gifts that take some thought and time. 
  What does your week look like? Are you excited for the next few weeks, or are you ready to scream in horror?  I'm sort of in the middle, myself. There is so much that needs to get done and things I want to get done. The one thing I have a hold on is Christmas day itself. Christmas falls on a Sunday this year and my husband actually has the day off!!! I'm very excited about that, although truth be told I'm holding my breath, half expecting a schedule change at hubby's work. I pray that doesn't happen. 
  My mother wants a ham for Christmas dinner, so that makes the menu fairly easy. Cooking is also easier. She can handle that one, and if she decides to go to worship with my brother that day, the ham will be fine until they get home.  I will spend a day before hand cooking most of the side dishes and desserts at her house, and on Christmas day my husband, son and I will worship with the church at Statesboro and then go to my mom's house. We will have dinner and then the rest of the festivities, or the other way around, depending on the rest of the family. That's the plan, anyway. 
  I hope you have a wonderful day.

Gratituesday: An Abundance of Blessings

Join us for Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers!

I'm not rich by today's standards. Not even close. We've had our share of financial problems. Indeed, we've had many troubles and difficulties come our way in the twenty one plus years my husband and I have been together. More will come, I'm sure. It's part of life. However, if I sat down to count my blessings, I'd be sitting here for a long while. 
  I am the child of God. Way back in time He knew the faults I would have --the stubbornness, failing faith at times, lack of "want to" in being submissive --and yet he loved me enough to send his only Son to die one of the most cruel deaths imaginable, so that I might live. He gave this gift to us all.
  I have a husband who is a hard worker, a Christian, passionate about what he believes in. I know where he is at night and he loves me.
  I was blessed with two beautiful children, one of whom died early, and one who has autism. Both have been huge blessings to me. One is my treasure in heaven; the other is my treasure here and continues to teach me about life.
  I have a good family, on both sides. They are all for the most part healthy and happy. They are there in good times and bad for the most part, and I am blessed to have them all in my life. My greatest joy would be for all of them to become baptized believers.
 I have friends who care about me. Some I've never met in person but they make a huge impact on my life. One in particular cares enough to nag me about my health and other matters, because she wants what's best for me. I in turn, do the same for her. I doubt she'll read this, but I'll say it anyway: I love you, woman! 
  My health is much improved from several weeks ago. I am thrilled of that. 
  This year as we are preparing for a day of feasting, and family and friends and football  and shopping (for some), I realize I have much to be thankful for. The people and things mentioned here don't even begin to cover it. It's only the tip of the iceberg. What are you grateful for this year?

Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your blessings, see what God hath done.. 

Gratituesday: Morning Routines

Are you a morning person? I am. I like being awake by seven or seven thirty to start the day. I've tried being up earlier than that, but I wilt too early in the day when that happens. I think I've always been an early riser, even as a child. I remember waking up, especially on Saturdays, to watch my favorite shows and to see if there by chance would be leftover cold pizza to have for breakfast, hee hee. 
  These days my morning routines are different. If my husband is home he generally takes over breakfast for me so I can do my writing. On days like today, when Jim is either at work, or stopping by his mom's after work, the routine is a little different. I wake up either on my own or when I hear J stirring. His routine is rather simple --wake up, take a bath, take meds and wait paitiently (and sometimes not so patiently) for breakfast. Once I'm up, I check on J and let him know breakfast will be coming soon, take my thyroid medicine, feed the cats (which includes a few strays), and then hand J some cheese or something to hold his strength while I'm doing my thing. Sometimes I will start some boiled eggs, other times I'll let J know that breakfast will be cooked in just a bit. That is when I come to my spot in the living room and do my bible reading and blog time. Afterwards is when I get going on the day. I love quiet, easy mornings. 
  Each Tuesday Laura at Heavenly Homemakers  invites us link up with her and tell what we are grateful for. This post is linked up. What are you grateful for today?  Please feel free to share. I love hearing from my readers. :)  Have a wonderful day.