Where Are You Christmas?

  If you've ever watched the movie version of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas or listened to Christmas music on the radio or Pandora, you've no doubt heard the song Where Are You Christmas. The song tells how the feeling of magic isn't there anymore. It just doesn't feel right. 
 Here I sit in the quiet house because insomnia has struck again. The living room looks like a tornado struck. Two decorative stockings and six Christmas cards that came in the mail are the only signs of the holiday. Christmas is nine days away. In a few hours we will be joining many others in the madness known as holiday shopping. In seven days I will be at my mother's house pre cooking most of the desserts and side dishes for the Christmas meal. Apart from being with family, I couldn't care less about any of it.
   My husband seems to feel the same way I do. Apparently neither of us wanted the tree up this year, and he hasn't for several years, because although I stated several times I want the tree up, it hasn't been done. Honestly I feel like throwing out all the decorations and being done with it. Less clutter to deal with in an already too small house and I won't have to deal with battling feelings.
  I just can't seem to get into the spirit of things these days. I'd love to pin all of the blame on the apathy and depression of others -- my mom who sighs that the holidays just aren't like they used to be; my brother who wishes the holidays were over with already, mostly because he , like most of the rest of us, has only a limited amount of money with which to buy gifts; my husband who I'm guessing has been dealing with depression for several years by ignoring it. The truth is, they are only partly to blame for dampening my spirits.  Each year I come out of the starting gate raring to go! I have lists of gifts to make or buy, cards to send out, food to make. The cards get sent out, most of the gifts get taken care of. Some of the food gets made at the last minute. The last few several years the tree has been put up maybe a week before Christmas and then half heartedly. 
  Blah. I have an inward battle going on with myself. I used to be the ultimate six year old every Christmas. I would get excited about the lights, the smells, the sights, the family, the gifts, the whole bit. More and more it seems like I'm wading through a sea of battling ideas over why and and how to celebrate Christmas (not in my family but online and all around in real life) and trying to be the holiday cheerleader for family who seem to only be going through the motions of the holiday for the kids.  I wish I could block out the feelings of others. I wish I could stop celebrating altogether. But next year I'll be back to wanting a good old fashioned Norman Rockwell Christmas that in reality is more like a mix of The Waltons, The Simpsons, and the family in Nothing Like the Holidays    with just enough It's a Wonderful Life thrown in.   
   This year it's highly doubtful that a Christmas tree will be put up in my house. It makes me sad, but its not the end of the world. We'll have a good Christmas because family will be together. Those who can't make it will call or we will call them. We will be worshipping with our church family on that day. And I will be happy because my husband does not have to work that day.

A Merry Heart Doeth Good Like a Medicine

Proverbs 17:22 tells us " A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones." I firmly believe that laughter does us good, in more ways than one. Whenever I am sick or a friend gets sick, I always recommend a good dose of the giggles. I know it makes me feel better. 
 I suffer from depression now and then, and as it continues to get darker sooner, I battle it more and more. It's not something I like to admit even to myself. It isn't something someone should be afraid of, or ashamed of, yet we tend to think of those who suffer from depression as weak. We aren't weak. Some of us have a chemical imbalance, others of us have situational depression, where the death of a loved one, or the constant care of a loved one, added to the day to day stresses of life just end up being too much. 
  I'm not on medication right now to control mine. I can't afford it quite simply, and I tend to take myself off when I feel I don't need it. I'm not the best example of someone who should say take the medicine, it helps. I depend on myself and my husband to let me know if I do need medication. If and when that time comes, I'll go see a doctor and figure out a way to afford the prescription the doctor says I need.  But my depression is not severe. It's bad enough to make me not want to do much, but it doesn't last long enough to warrant a long term solution.
 What I need is fairly simple: I need prayer time with God. I need sunshine; being stuck in a house all day every day is not good for anyone's well being. Fresh air and sunshine does a tremendous amount of good. Exercise doesn't hurt either.  I need other people. Interacting with others from time to time helps keep us healthy and happy. And sometimes I just need a hug, or someone to say, Hey, let me take J for an hour or two while you go take a nap, or catch a movie or catch up on some housework. An offer to help with the housework would be nice now and then too, but hey, I'll not push it. :)  And I need laughter. Being able to laugh from the belly makes us feel good. The body starts pumping out those feel good chemicals, and suddenly the sky is a little bluer, the flu doesn't feel so bad, I can get the kitchen cleaned up.
  Next time you're feeling a little blue, or sick, try my remedy. Prayer, a little sunshine even if its opening the curtains, chicken soup preferably homemade, and the funniest shows or books you can think of. I'm old school so while I like some of the newer comics, they tend to have more language than I like so I prefer the greats: Red Skelton; Jack Benny; Burns and Allen; Tim Conway and Harvey Corman. You know its funny stuff when the straight man can't even keep a straight face during the skit.

 This is one of my all time favorite sketches that Tim Conway and Harvey Korman have ever done. They rarely fail to make me laugh. 


**Disclaimer** I am not a doctor nor do I play one on television. I cannot diagnose anyone with depression or tell someone it's just " a case of the blues". I only know myself. I do not make light of true depression, nor do I think it will go away on its own.  There are good medicines out there, and there are also some good therapies that may help. If you suffer from depression or anxiety, please do not hesitate to seek help. Discuss the situation with your doctor and tell him or her everything. If he isn't willing to listen and work with you, find one who will. Don't just pay attention to the drug du jour ads on tv , do some research and (I cannot stress this enough) communicate with your doctor about how you feel. If medication is right for you, take your doctor's advice. 

A Morning Cup of Tea: An Apology, A Disruption, A Talk

Today we should be finishing up chapter 17 of Matthew. Perhaps I will at a later time today write that. I've sat here for a little while now, trying to get my head in the right frame of mind and write. I don't think I could do it justice at the moment. I'm sorry I failed today in continuing this. 
  I have no idea if anyone reads the Cup of Tea posts I write. I write them mostly to keep myself reading and it has worked. And I did read what I was supposed to write about today --verses 22 through the end of the chapter. Jesus speaks to his disciples again about being killed and in three days rising again, and  paying taxes with money that Jesus told Peter would be in a fish's mouth. God does supply our needs. That's what I get from that.
  I suffer from depression now and then. Most of the time I am upbeat or at least try to be. If I'm not, I fake it. Well, yesterday I went on overload. Everything was too much. I went to bed early, and slept fitfully because J had insomnia. I had weird dreams of babies and not being prepared for one --forgetting I had one, not having diapers for it, and then it switched to people not comfortable in their own skin and having surgeries, getting tattoos, etc. My brain is telling me I'm not paying attention to something in my life and i'm not happy with the way my own body looks.  
  When I get depressed I tend to hide. I'll probably be doing some of that today while I try to snap out of it. Please bear with me. I'll be back on track soon.