Saturday, September 21, 2013

My Secret Desire

Being a part time blogger can be very interesting. This is a place where I can download my thoughts on autism, motherhood, life in general. I even write about my studies in the bible now and again. I don't have a large following, but I do have a few cheer leaders who follow my writing. Although I don't always answer the comments online, I am grateful for everyone who takes the time to read what I have to say, especially if I get feedback. One cheer leader in particular, I get to see in person (not nearly often enough, though). She cheers when I've written something new, and encourages me to continue when I've hit a dry spell. Too often lately that's been the case. I am hoping I've turned a corner though.

Saturdays have become my day to walk to the library and back, usually with a load of books and dvds. If there is a class, like today, I usually stay. I didn't this time though. Too much going on at home. Or so I thought. Since both my guys are asleep at this point, I could have stayed. No matter. I'm digressing. Usually on my walk I start comparing this town I live in to the fictional town of Mayberry. I feel safe enough to walk the five or so blocks to the library or the grocery store.  I know that crime exists in this community, but I've been blessed enough for it not to have touched my family. So far though, that post has not "gelled" in my mind enough to present it here. Hopefully it will soon though. 

Always on Saturday I look around and see the housework that needs to be done, but I've claimed these hours for myself. I read, I watch, and lately, I write. At least since I was a young teenager I've had a story burning to be told. I've written it a few times but never quite finished it. I'd set it aside for weeks, months, even years at a time. Occasionally another story would take its place, but this particular one has always been on the back burner. The characters grow and continue with their lives in my head, but they beckon me with this story that they want told. I am not a superstitious person really, but I don't want to jinx the flow by discussing it too much. I will talk about it a bit privately, however. It involves two teenagers who find themselves faced with a really big problem. This week I've been able to write about three pages a day (single spaced) on this book. I've wanted to be a published author for as long as I can remember. I've played around a few times, and had some many false starts, and let other things and people distract me from my writing. I'd almost forgotten that in addition to being a wife and mother, daughter and sister who takes care of everyone else, that I am a writer. So, by the first of the year, I want this story to be ready to find a publisher. Whether it be a true, hold-in your-hands book or an ebook. I want to find someone who will take a chance on me. It's a long shot, I'm pretty sure, but I'll never know if I don't try.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Early Morning Autism Musings

It's after five in the morning. Two kittens affectionately known as the Zombie Twins have battled to the tired and are now asleep on my legs. A restless Baby Bear is slowly falling asleep on the other side of my bed after being up since at least three AM and playing musical beds and gigglepalooza in the kitchen. Those are two of his favorite games to play when insomnia strikes. There is nothing inspiring in the kitchen, he was simply avoiding sleeping in his own room and not really wanting to settle down in mine. This is the life of autism that I've come to know lately. This isn't the first insomnia inspired post, and likely won't be the last, either.

We have been working with a caseworker in order to get J qualified for a waiver that would free up money for some of his particular needs, such as a group or host home if he needs it, respite care (much needed), and maybe someone to come into the home to help with his daily care. My dream? Someone who could take the night shift so I'd be more able to manage his day time needs. We aren't so sure that would happen, but as I've said, it's a dream.

We have had well meaning doctors and friends, and even family at times, encourage the Hubs and I to think about placement for J. I will admit that there have been times that something like that would be a blessing. But when it comes right down to it, neither of us want to face that aspect just yet. I know I don't. A chance for J to have community access (translation: day program that gets him out of the house and has the added perk of excursions to restaurants and activities) and respite when we all need a break, yes. Someone else caring for my child 24/7, not. Not yet.

Do I have a problem with other families who choose the option of group homes or host homes(akin to foster homes, but for adults with special needs when a group home isn't suitable, the person cannot live on his own, and family cannot or will not provide care)? Not at all. For a variety of reasons, that conclusion is reached. None of us know what tomorrow holds. The Hubs and I certainly aren't getting any younger. Great health isn't always going to be there. We won't always be there, much as I hate to think about that. And family can't always be counted on to pick up the slack and take in an adult with special needs. These are things that I think about when I'm up nights.

Speaking of my young insomniac child, sleep has finally found him. Dad will need his own rest once he comes in from work in a few hours, so it's time for me to try and get back to dreamland. Have a good morning.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Just in Case You're Wondering...

Just in case you're wondering where I am these days...

I haven't given up writing yet, on the blog or my fiction writing. I just haven't been doing a lot of either lately because life is catching up with me. We've had the usual doctor appointments (all routine), running errands, that sort of thing. Because of all the running around, my housekeeping has slipped even further than my usual standards, and that isn't good. At the moment I have laundry washing and a few loads outside on the line. I love the dryer I was given, along with my washer, but I find I move a bit more and my electric bill isn't quite so high when I depend on solar power a bit more. :)

Speaking of moving, I've been trying to add a bit more exercise into my life these days because I want to be healthier. I joined (free) in April and became a member of Weight Watchers (not so free) in late June as a birthday gift to myself when I needed an extra push to get the pounds off. Between the two I'm learning a lot and slowly shedding the excess weight. Slow is good. I'm a bit of an odd duck with both groups, although most of my WW friends don't know it. I don't do fat free or low fat anything if I can help it. I've gone down that road before and gained weight. I can never get used to the taste of low fat or fat free items, and when fat is taken out, sugar, salt, or other things are added in to up the flavor. I'll let you decide what is right for you, but for me, I'd rather have a little of the real stuff in moderation than the low fat stuff every day.

Also on my mind is house hunting. We are currently on the lookout for either a rental or a house for sale that we can afford in either case. The rental we are in just is not good for many reasons, never mind the cost of gas. The Hubs travels to work fifty miles one direction, five days a week. That adds up, quickly. In addition to that is church in the other direction and the errands each week, that also add up. As much as I love this area, I'm not so in love with  piling bills and sky high gas prices. 

So, there ya go. That's what is going on these days. J Bear is doing fine, it's just the adults running crazy these days. Please keep us in your prayers.