My Crazy Life (and I Wouldn't Change a Thing About It--Mostly)

Have you tried studying the bible in a house with paper thin walls? Have you tried? Just in case you haven't, I'll tell ya:It's super hard. I have one hard of hearing brother watching television in his room (three rooms away, just so you know) and I can tell he's watching Hazel reruns. Dear Hubs is listening to the Beatles and other bands from yesteryear in the living room where Baby Bear is happily singing along. I'm holed up in the bedroom trying to focus on Exodus 21 and at the same time holding a conversation with a cat who suddenly does not want to be in the room. As if that isn't enough, someone I've never heard of calls and says she got my name from a friend (Thanks, Carrie.) and wants to send me a gift. All before ten in the morning. Honestly? I blame Downton Abbey, Tyler Florence and Anne Burrell.

Yes, I heard those tires screech. I heard the needle scratch the record as it stopped. I can see the large question mark over your head as you scream HUH????

Okay, so last night I just had to see the current episode of Downton. Had to. Hubs says that's my soap opera. And he's right. I also got hooked on watching Worst Cooks. Last night was the finale. Problem is, both of those shows inhabit the same time slot. Easy choice most of the time. I just watch Worst Cooks on Saturday to catch up. Last night i decided it would be worth it to stay up to watch the midnight airing of Worst Cooks so I could see who won. (No, I'm not telling.)

So what happens when the early bird stays up to watch a tv show? She wakes up later than her normal time and the boys tend to be awake as well. So she retreats into the bedroom with the laptop to focus on reading. She needs to invest in noise blocking headphones. She's going to stop referring to herself in third person now.

As of this very moment it's closing in on eleven in the morning.  Everyone is in their jammies. Breakfast hasn't even been thought of until now. Baby Bear, usually our huge reminder that food is important, is content to listen to the music. The only things accomplished on this lazy Monday morning is the aforementioned Bible study and an online job search by the Hubs. Yes, that search is ongoing for now. 

In just a few moments brunch will be attended to. We will begin our day, if a little late. Chores will get done. Order will be restored once again. But I enjoy slow mornings now and then. I like the chaos that ensues --not the fact that sometimes it distracts me from my learning (I have a feeling I'll be going over Exodus 21 again sometime tonight. Or at least I hope to.)  but I love my family. I like that there are days where we can all take the time to breathe and just be instead of running from one activity to the next. Those will happen soon enough, and will develop into a pattern that lasts for quite awhile. And although I may complain about the hustle and bustle, I hope I'll take the time to reflect and enjoy those moments as well.

Yup, that's me, just in the older abode before this house. Enjoy your day. I know I'm going to enjoy mine. :)

"Helpful" Advice: A Plea From a Guardian

Since the death of my mother,  I have assumed guardianship for my brother.  It's an honor, a pleasure, and both something I've expected to do for a long while and a responsibility that I take seriously. Well meaning people have questioned my decision to take him in when I already deal with Baby Bear and his needs. I've thought about that myself, and prayed about it. I still believe this arrangement is best for everyone. 

While the day to day life has settled down a bit and we are figuring out (still) how to make life run smoothly for everyone, sometimes we do hit a snag. Sometimes it is an easy fix, sometimes not, just as it would be in any family. Today we ran into a brick wall of sorts, and it is heartbreaking for my brother, but much more for me. 

Because of his disabilities, my brother cannot get his driver's license.  As sister I would love to get him that much wanted document. Well meaning family would too, and they have a habit of encouraging him to try. For all well meaning, loving people out there, may I please say STOP IT. Please do not undermine the parent, guardian, or other person responsible for someone's safety and well being. It makes it harder to do our jobs when we are confronted not only with "I want" but also "so and so says...". I know you have the best of intentions and love B. and others like him. That is wonderful. But discuss it with the guardian first, please.

Do you realize the impact your words have on B. (or other friend/ loved one) and his relationship with me? You say things off the cuff, whether you truly believe what you say to be true, or because you would rather not tell the truth in order to spare his feelings. Then you leave and I get to be the one to be the meanie and crush his feelings (at least that's how I feel). 

In my own situation, I've been around longer. I've seen what my brother is and is not capable of. I know what the government has to say about certain aspects of his life (whether or not I agree with their assessment is another story entirely). I can see more clearly the frustration my mother felt when I or someone else tried to give our own two cents. Yes, sometimes she would listen to advice, but for 57 years, give or take, she was the one who lived with him and took care of him. She knew what was best. 

Believe me, I would love it if B. could get his license. But there are safety issues you aren't seeing. Never mind the financial issues that come with that piece of paper and plastic.  Saying no to my brother on anything is very hard. He's older than I am for one thing. The main reason is I love him dearly and don't want to see him hurt, whether emotionally or physically.

Lest anyone think I am speaking directly to one or more certain persons, I am not. I'm just putting out there what I see in general. Family and friends are very important and should be there to encourage and help, not to cause problems, intentionally or unintentionally.

It's Been a Long, Short Month

My brother mentioned on Sunday that it had been one month since our mom passed away.  It hardly seems possible. But time continues to march on, whether we realize it or not. It's been a month of sadness, grief, drama, and change. 

Here at home our little group of three has been enlarged to four.  Rather than be resistant to this new change, J has been absolutely thrilled. His favorite uncle is now here all the time.  He has someone other than me to see every day. Indeed, he spends a lot of time with Bobby. Although Bobby is patient with him, I know that having all this attention can be a bit much. We are currently having to remind J to stay off Uncle Bobby's bed. J doesn't click with just anyone. Only certain people get to enter his world so I am very happy when I see that connection.

The house is currently stuffed to the gills with furniture, books, and all manner of things that help to make a house a home. Not only did Bobby bring a lot with him, about the same time we were blessed with things from the Hubster's side of the family. Most people use the term "in law" or even "In love" to point out the relationships that aren't by blood. I dropped that a long time ago. They are simply my Mom and my sister. They've downsized a bit to make their lives simpler, and Mom made sure I got the furniture. I love stuff with history so I'm happy it all came to the Hubs and me. Along with a dining set came various other items that I am still going through and putting in place. Things that once belonged to sisters in Christ; lovely ladies who still have much to teach me, even though one dear sister has been gone for a few years now. Remind me one day to tell Miss Erna's story. Suffice it for now to say it is one of dedication. She was a woman of quiet strength. Neither a non believing husband nor cancer kept her from worship if she could help it.

Slowly, day by day and box by box, we are settling in once again. Day to day life is being figured out. Life tends to move on that way.

One month after her passing I'm still scrambling a bit to find my footing. Family that I thought would pull closer tended to pull away into their own safe groups. I'm not so sure that I haven't done the same. Grief tends to do that. Grief heightens emotions and makes people strike out and hurt others in some cases, sends us running to arms we know that are safe in others.  Hopefully, prayerfully, in time family "fights" will heal. 

It's been a long hard month in some ways, yet it's gone so quickly. It reminds me that we need to make the most of life while we have it. And we need to hold on to family while we can. Easier said than done, I know. But life is fleeting, folks. In the blink of an eye it's over. What will we have to show for it at the end?  A life of striving to live like Christ, or a lifetime of looking out for number one? Gathering of loved ones to hold on to, or grabbing for things that give us stature or pleasure?

Everything Changes

 

My Mom and brother visiting the new house.

 

Back in the early 2000's when my family lived in Texas, my husband, brother and I were involved each year in Family Bible School at church. During the week long summer bible class we would do a play based on the year's theme. Each night of FBS after the class portion we would put on a 30 minute installment of the play. It was great fun, helped cement some of the lessons we'd been learning, and in some cases, put popular songs of the day into the "never hearing that song after this would be too soon" category. For me, anyway. One of those songs was "Everything Changes." I think we changed the lyrics a bit and used it when we were teaching about Paul. But these days that particular refrain, "Everything Changes" is stuck in my head

The changes began earlier in the month with the death of my mother. That was a blow no one saw coming even though she was 75 years young. She was strong, almost too independent, still caring for my brother who still lived with her. The one thing she could not do was drive. Her nerves were too bad to handle that so while she lived near us, my husband and I taxi'd her around town. Other members of the family did, as well, when the Hubs and i couldn't. 

Her death left more than just the void of her being there. It meant that someone new would be my brother's caretaker. Born prematurely and placed in an incubator with no oxygen for a few minutes by a careless or overworked nurse left him with mild cp (cerebral palsy) that affects the left side of his body and fairly mild mental challenges. Yet he is very intelligent. He may be at a loss for math skills, but he is the family historian. He remembers things many of us have forgotten --and we three sisters are all younger than he is.

My mother never left a will. Whether she didn't want to go through the expense or simply didn't think it was necessary ("Bobby knows who gets what") she didn't get one done, though I urged her to do so many times. With few exceptions there haven't been any squabbles over material possessions. Bobby has been a different story.  There have been heated discussions, hurt feelings, and a lot of stress, simply because two bull headed sisters each wanted what was best for Bobby. Even a few nieces got in on the act. In the end, Bobby spoke up. While he would love a place of his own, it's not going to happen yet. But while he would be happy and taken care of with any of us, his wishes are simple: He wants to be able to go to church every Sunday, wants a karate class, wants to go to the movies now and then. He chose to be with me. 

While I hate all the stress that this has caused, I am happy for this new chapter in my life. Though we are 14 years apart, Bobby and I share a closeness, just as our sisters do with each other.  I grew up taking walks with him, listening to the ghost stories he loves so much. And yes, as the years have gone by, I, the youngest of the family, have been guilty of mothering him a bit. I mother everyone who comes into my line of sight. It's just part of me to be a bit of a mother hen.

As for the Hubs and J, I think they too are happy with Bobby living with us. J adores his uncle. He sees someone who understands him (for the most part) and he has a few of his uncle's traits. The Hubs is one who loves to talk about the bible and faith in general, and Bobby is very much interested in that.

I am looking forward to seeing life as it unfolds. I know I still have much to learn from my older brother, and I hope I can teach him some as well.

Gratituesday: Mi Vida Loca --My Crazy Life

I really should be composing an ode to Laura, over at Heavenly Homemakers,
for encouraging me week after week to sit and think about what I'm grateful for. Seriously. Sometimes it is far too easy to get overwhelmed in the day to day drama of bills and kids and housework and everything else...that you (I) forget to sit back and realize the blessings all around us.

I'm going to actually sit here and reflect on the craziness that is my life. The Hubs is still asleep, which is okay because it's the first day of his "weekend" and for once we aren't scheduled to go anywhere today, that I know of. I'm sure I'm forgetting something around here though. 

J is in his room, making a noise that is a cross between a belch and a sneeze. No, he isn't sick. It's a habit he picked up thanks to his cousin and he uses it to remind me that he's not yet had breakfast. No, he's not starving. He's simply bored at this point. If he was truly hungry I would be pulled off the computer or any other task that I happened to be on and led to the fridge. Yeah, he likes to give strong hints. He takes eating very seriously. 

I am the daughter of a woman who somehow thinks I can read minds. One line I hear almost every time we visit is "I could have used your help" on yesterday, last week, five minutes ago. The crazy thing is, she is as averse to the phone as I am. The only person she willingly calls herself is her sister. If she has to, she will make an appointment over the phone, but rarely because she has a hearing problem. Most all phone calls go through my brother, who lives with her. 

I'm at the age where most parents are watching their kids graduate from high school, enter college and/or the workforce, date, have lives of their own. I'm still in the midst of pullups, working on communication skills, and figuring out just who my son is inside that head of his. The grandchildren that come my way are either honorary or feline. And yes, we are on grandcat watch as we speak. Poor Lucy is miserable and crabby with Raven and Charlie, and I don't blame her. She just wants to be left alone. And yes,  she will be spayed just as soon as the kittens are weaned. 

And me? I'm wading through it all, trying to figure it all out and trying to keep up with housework, writing, being a wife, a mom, a sister, and all the other hats that I and every other woman out there wear. I get it wrong more often than not, and I growl and fuss and cry and complain at times. But you know what? I like this life of mine even when I feel lonely or confused or frustrated. Okay, maybe not as much when I feel those things, but I am very blessed and I know it. I'm thankful for this life of mine. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a bored child to redirect and a day to begin. What are you thankful for today? I'd love to hear about it.

  Older photos of me and my guys.

This post is being shared as part of Gratituesday on Heavenly Homemakers.

Sharing Responsibilities in the Household

Photo from Photo Bucket.

The late, great Erma Bombeck once wrote about how, when her husband retired, he tried to help her out by rearranging her kitchen to make it more efficient. Rather than being helpful, he drove her to distraction and she wanted him out of her kitchen!
  I'm not here to complain about husbands, or their helpfulness around the house. Quite the contrary. I'm thrilled for help, anywhere in the house. Sometimes though, the help adds to the work: spices left on the sink after use, onions too near my sink to get things accomplished, and perhaps the biggest "sin" of all, leaving a cast iron skillet filled with water. That last one is a particular no no for me. My cast iron skillets are the workhorses of my kitchen and I take care to keep them in top shape. 
  I'm not the most organized person in the house, that much is obvious. I can't rightly fuss at my husband for leaving spices out when I'm behind on a few chores around the house. I don't want to, anyway because it makes him defensive and less likely to volunteer to cook. Like most humans he tends to get a little defensive when I even say things such as "While i appreciate your help in this, I'd l'd like it better if you did that." I'm not sure there is a way to get the message across without hurt feelings so for now I'll zip it and (try to) lead by example in how I want my kitchen to be run.
  See? I'm kind of a perfectionist there, huh? I'm trying to ease my grip on that, but my kitchen is small, as is the rest of the house, and the place can get cluttered up very easily. 
  But do we as women take on too much of  the household load, even those who work outside the home?  While we know that it is a good idea to delegate some things, we end up doing most if not all of it ourselves. Why? We think this is what is expected of us as women, and besides, no one else can do it the right way (translated: our way. Even if we let the kids or The Hubby help, what do we do? We go right behind them, redoing the job that was just done. And we complain about it out loud or we steam about it, right? 
   Organizer Julie Morganstern teaches this about delegation: If someone else can get it done better than you, faster than you, or just as good, let them. That's really good advice. Even full time homemakers can and should delegate some of the work. Face it, we're not here sitting at the computer all day pinning recipes and crafts on Pinterest and chatting on Facebook all day while stuffing our faces with chocolate. At least, not all day. Some of us home teach our children (aside from reading to them, singing to them, toilet training, and all those other things we do without once thinking we aren't qualified to teach), planning and cooking meals, running errands, cleaning the house, and taking the kids to appointments and activities. And some of us have home businesses that also take our time. Not allowing the kids (and the husband) to help out because they get in the way, they need to be kids and not worry about such things, they can't do it good enough to suit you, or "its my job" leads to Helpless Husband syndrome and Helpless Child syndrome.
  What happens if you're away on business, or you end up in the hospital for a few days, or heaven forbid, you die? Who will do all those things you do? Most likely the real scenario is your child will move on to college, coming home only when they've run out of things to wear and expect mom to do the laundry while they run off to visit friends. Teach them when they are young that everyone must pull together to keep the house clean and running smoothly. A four year old can make her own bed once you show her and help her the first few times. Sure, it's not going to be perfectly neat at first, but praise her efforts and resist the temptation to remake it. A two year old can pick up his toys and put them away, especially if you already have an organizational plan in place. Simple dollar store bins with pictures and labels can allow him to know where to put the legoes and where the toy guns belong. 
   Have the whole family work together in the kitchen. Depending on age and development the children can set and clear the table, wash the dishes (or load the dishwasher, and help prepare the meal, leading up to them learning to plan and cook a meal by themselves. Even if its just you and your husband, team up and have one cook while the other acts as sous chef, chopping veggies, putting away the ingredients as they are used. Use this time to reconnect.(This will also help avoid the frustration of discovering a cast iron skillet filled with water.) Part of our jobs as mothers is to teach the children, both female and male, to take care of themselves as they eventually leave the nest. 
  I will admit I've been a little slack in teaching J some skills. It's been easier to let him do his own thing instead of showing him how to set the table or wash plates.  I want him to be as independent as possible yet I forget he isn't totally helpless. He is capable of learning to do things himself. He may even learn to cook some things, with supervision. That one will take some work, however. 
  What are some ways that you teach your children homemaking/self help skills?

Life's Ups and Downs

Helloooo! Anyone there? 
  I've been MIA a bit longer than I'd expected. We've had a lot going on to keep me from the blogging world. J has had a few meltdowns and has needed some attention to address those. Thankfully they haven't been too bad, just heartbreaking that they've been happening.
  The kittens have provided their own drama. Two kittens somehow got sick within a week of each other, and both have passed away, the second one just this morning as I held him. I had nursed him the best I could, but it just wasn't meant to be. One got caught in a shut door accidentally, and died from his injuries. And a fourth one got attacked by a tom cat and was killed. So we have three rambunctious little ones left, and I'm anxiously looking for homes for them, along with two of the tom cats and maybe a mama. As much as I love these critters I can't keep them all.
  Then there is me. I've been busy with my mom, and trying to get this house back in order. I also started walking a bit. That lasted a few days, before I started feeling ill, but I'm going to return to my walking today.
  While I've cried a lot the last few days, I still can see that life is good, even with its ups and downs. We live a blessed life, not a charmed one where everything is perfect and good all the time. As a Christian, I understand that if everything was all roses and no thorns here on earth, I might not have my sights set on heaven where everything is good. I'm thankful to have a place where there is no end. The earth will eventually be destroyed --whether it be in my time or not, I don't know. What i do know (but sometimes ignore or forget) is that this life and all its pleasures, frustrations, hurts and joys, is temporary. The next life is the permanent one. We each have a choice in life. Do we want to live in heaven, or hell?  Are we going to follow Jesus or not?
  I'm not perfect by any means. I make mistakes and I sin. But I won't give up trying to live the way Jesus wants me to. I have a long ways to go. I want to continue learning, and encouraging others in all aspects. On this blog I want to encourage you in your daily walk, help you begin the daily walk if need be, and also to share my life and triumphs as well as troubles. If I'm struggling with weight issues, organization (household and life), have a special needs (adult) child, and like to craft and/ or make art, I know that some of you have at least some of those things in your own lives. I've started and stopped a few times on this blog, so today is sort of like a new year. Time to start over and follow the path and see where it leads.
  My goals/ plans for this blog:

•   Spiritual. I want to post something at the very least once or twice a week that is encouraging, yet honest to my life. I'm not going to tell you everything is all rosy and lovely when it isn't, but I want to be positive.  Each Tuesday I will continue linking with Heavenly Homemakers  for Gratituesday.
• Autism. I'm going to continue discussing life with an adult child with autism. J is a great part of my life, and sometimes I struggle with what to do for him. My heart aches at times because I don't know how to help him. My heart sings when he makes the next milestone, or as a friend with a special needs child of her own calls them, inchstones. We celebrate each tiny thing that others sometimes take for granted.
• Organization. If you're looking for perfection and how to keep a house spotless every second of the day, sorry, wrong blog. If you want commiseration on "I just cleaned a minute ago now it looks like a whirlwind hit" and tips that work for me, and sometimes links to where to go for help in this, as well as updates on how the house is coming together and encouragement for you, this is the place. I'm not where I want to be in this house yet, but hey, although I'm learning to be content with my life, I'm also seeing room for improvement in many areas. I hope you're along for the journey.
• Health. Let's face it. I'm not eighteen anymore and I've been blessed with two pregnancies that netted me two healthy babies. As Ma Kettle once said, I used to have an hour glass figure. The sand's still there, its just shifted some. I wont tell my age yet, but I'm old enough to have two grown boys. My oldest would have been 21 this July. So health wise, I'm not looking to be a size 0. Not even close. While I would love to be a size 10 again, I think I'd be happy to be a 12 or even 14. I want nothing to do with society's view of perfection. I want to be healthy, as well as look and feel it. 

                 I know basically how to eat healthy, but I also am a lover of chocolate. There are just some times I need it more than others. I like desserts of all types, although I don't have them all the time. And although i want to eat healthier, I still eat fast food at times. I don't drink sodas most of the time, its less than once a month that it even comes into the house. I don't do substitute sugars, and I tend to stay away from low fat anything because (for me at least) if it's full fat I am aware of it, and it takes a lot less to satisfy me. As for oils, I use coconut oil, olive oil, and occasionally, lard. I make no excuses for that. There are just some things I need it for. And I use butter. NOT MARGARINE. As much as I'd like to use only grass fed meat in my cooking, my budget simply won't allow it. We eat meatless meals sometimes but I'd like to bump it up to two to three times weekly.  So for health I'll be sharing meal plans, how I'm doing on exercise (hope you'll join me and let me know what you're doing to get healthier too!), and I want to get back to sharing recipes. Yes, some will be desserts. If you feel the need to modify the recipes to fit your needs, feel free. Most won't be mine though. I like cooking but I'm not that great at coming up with my own recipes. :)

• Art. I talked a few months ago about a project for my bedroom wall using a scripture I like. I also mentioned to another blogger about using toilet paper rolls to make a mini album. I haven't forgotten. I am still formulating a plan for both in my head and hopefully I can get them both done. I'll share them as soon as I'm done. Eventually I'd like to show a project once a week.

I have some lofty plans for this blog, I have to admit. Can I do it all? I hope so. Will I stumble some? Most likely. Life gets in the way, and sometimes the situation is I simply fall prey to fits of fiction writing --something I should be doing every day, but I don't get it done. I'm not ready to share my fiction just yet. Eventually though.We shall see. Anyway, that's the plan for this blog from this moment on, with random posts about other subjects along the way. I hope you'll join me. Let me know what you think when you see it. I'm still learning the ropes of the blog world so if any bloggers would like to offer suggestions and somehow teach me a few things, I'd welcome it.  Until next time, have a great day.