Each year, amid the onslaught of Rudolph, White Christmas, nonstop Christmas music starting just a few days after Halloween (Seriously!??), and the shopping, baking, and family, I begin dreaming of the perfect Christmas. Truthfully though, I start thinking and planning it a few days after the last Christmas.
And each year, the "perfect" Christmas both eludes and appears.
I am a self proclaimed Christmas nut. I read Christmas stories in July, start wondering about my Christmas cards in August (although I may not get around to actually making them until early December most years), I look for the holiday magazines starting in September. I start planning and hoping for family to be together. Visions of TV and movie perfect Christmases dancing in my head. And then reality hits.
Things happen each year. Family members can't always make it home. Money doesn't always stretch far enough to pay the bills and the gifts for everyone so I have to become creative in how I handle the presents. This year my mother passed away in August and my husband lost his job in November. Those two were enough to make me not really want to bother with the holiday this year. I have family members however, such as my son and my brother, who look forward to the festivities. So onward I go, making a simple, but good Christmas for those two. I look forward to seeing some family members and calling others. And yet, I allow myself to be swept up in preparations that my my heart isn't much up for. And it makes me grouchy. No matter what, I'm still looking for the perfect Christmas.
But what is the perfect Christmas? Has there ever been one, other than in movies, tv shows or books? Yes. I do not celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday. I see it more as a time for fun and togetherness and yes, gifts. But over 2000 years ago a star shone brightly in the sky. In the stillness of the night (although most likely not a night in December) a baby's cry rang out. A woman named Mary, gave birth in a simple manger. The gift that night was not only for her, but for those living then and now and forever, if we choose to accept it. The baby Jesus was born so that he would grow up and teach, and ultimately to give his life as a sacrifice so that we may live eternally. All we need do is accept that gift by hearing, believing, repenting, confessing, being baptized, and living the Christian life.
Earlier I said that the perfect life both eludes and appears. Am I crazy? A little. But both are true. You see, no Christmas (or life, for that matter) goes off without a hitch. There are always things that make us stumble. But each Christmas as I look back, I have the perfect Christmas. No matter what is under the tree or on the table, I have loved ones around me. I have some quiet moments to reflect and enjoy. And for those I am thankful.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
It's Been a Long, Short Month
My brother mentioned on Sunday that it had been one month since our mom passed away. It hardly seems possible. But time continues to march on, whether we realize it or not. It's been a month of sadness, grief, drama, and change.
Here at home our little group of three has been enlarged to four. Rather than be resistant to this new change, J has been absolutely thrilled. His favorite uncle is now here all the time. He has someone other than me to see every day. Indeed, he spends a lot of time with Bobby. Although Bobby is patient with him, I know that having all this attention can be a bit much. We are currently having to remind J to stay off Uncle Bobby's bed. J doesn't click with just anyone. Only certain people get to enter his world so I am very happy when I see that connection.
The house is currently stuffed to the gills with furniture, books, and all manner of things that help to make a house a home. Not only did Bobby bring a lot with him, about the same time we were blessed with things from the Hubster's side of the family. Most people use the term "in law" or even "In love" to point out the relationships that aren't by blood. I dropped that a long time ago. They are simply my Mom and my sister. They've downsized a bit to make their lives simpler, and Mom made sure I got the furniture. I love stuff with history so I'm happy it all came to the Hubs and me. Along with a dining set came various other items that I am still going through and putting in place. Things that once belonged to sisters in Christ; lovely ladies who still have much to teach me, even though one dear sister has been gone for a few years now. Remind me one day to tell Miss Erna's story. Suffice it for now to say it is one of dedication. She was a woman of quiet strength. Neither a non believing husband nor cancer kept her from worship if she could help it.
Slowly, day by day and box by box, we are settling in once again. Day to day life is being figured out. Life tends to move on that way.
One month after her passing I'm still scrambling a bit to find my footing. Family that I thought would pull closer tended to pull away into their own safe groups. I'm not so sure that I haven't done the same. Grief tends to do that. Grief heightens emotions and makes people strike out and hurt others in some cases, sends us running to arms we know that are safe in others. Hopefully, prayerfully, in time family "fights" will heal.
It's been a long hard month in some ways, yet it's gone so quickly. It reminds me that we need to make the most of life while we have it. And we need to hold on to family while we can. Easier said than done, I know. But life is fleeting, folks. In the blink of an eye it's over. What will we have to show for it at the end? A life of striving to live like Christ, or a lifetime of looking out for number one? Gathering of loved ones to hold on to, or grabbing for things that give us stature or pleasure?
Here at home our little group of three has been enlarged to four. Rather than be resistant to this new change, J has been absolutely thrilled. His favorite uncle is now here all the time. He has someone other than me to see every day. Indeed, he spends a lot of time with Bobby. Although Bobby is patient with him, I know that having all this attention can be a bit much. We are currently having to remind J to stay off Uncle Bobby's bed. J doesn't click with just anyone. Only certain people get to enter his world so I am very happy when I see that connection.
The house is currently stuffed to the gills with furniture, books, and all manner of things that help to make a house a home. Not only did Bobby bring a lot with him, about the same time we were blessed with things from the Hubster's side of the family. Most people use the term "in law" or even "In love" to point out the relationships that aren't by blood. I dropped that a long time ago. They are simply my Mom and my sister. They've downsized a bit to make their lives simpler, and Mom made sure I got the furniture. I love stuff with history so I'm happy it all came to the Hubs and me. Along with a dining set came various other items that I am still going through and putting in place. Things that once belonged to sisters in Christ; lovely ladies who still have much to teach me, even though one dear sister has been gone for a few years now. Remind me one day to tell Miss Erna's story. Suffice it for now to say it is one of dedication. She was a woman of quiet strength. Neither a non believing husband nor cancer kept her from worship if she could help it.
Slowly, day by day and box by box, we are settling in once again. Day to day life is being figured out. Life tends to move on that way.
One month after her passing I'm still scrambling a bit to find my footing. Family that I thought would pull closer tended to pull away into their own safe groups. I'm not so sure that I haven't done the same. Grief tends to do that. Grief heightens emotions and makes people strike out and hurt others in some cases, sends us running to arms we know that are safe in others. Hopefully, prayerfully, in time family "fights" will heal.
It's been a long hard month in some ways, yet it's gone so quickly. It reminds me that we need to make the most of life while we have it. And we need to hold on to family while we can. Easier said than done, I know. But life is fleeting, folks. In the blink of an eye it's over. What will we have to show for it at the end? A life of striving to live like Christ, or a lifetime of looking out for number one? Gathering of loved ones to hold on to, or grabbing for things that give us stature or pleasure?
Thursday, September 4, 2014
An Open Letter to Adults About Teaching and Correcting Children
Dear parents, teachers, aunts, uncles, and other adults in charge of children:
Just a few days ago I was verbally attacked by an eighteen year old and her little friends. It happened publicly, on Facebook, because this child has obviously been taught, one way or another, that this is the proper way of handling a situation. Throw out a liberal dose of profanity and beat one's chest in the manner of a gorilla, sprinkling in words like respect.
Sad to say, at first I took the bait, although I did not read this child's entire rant. I responded from the heart. Then I deleted and apologized to anyone who could have read any of that on my page. I am by no means perfect, but I won't listen to that type of speech. I close my ears to it. Using that language at me on the phone earns a hang up. In print, the delete button comes in very handy. I even stated that conversations are welcome; profanity and abusive language would be removed and those involved would be blocked from my page. My husband took it upon himself to guard my page so I wouldn't have to see it all. Why? Because I'm related to the 18 year old and the ones who chose to follow her lead.
I did see that one adult came to the defense of the 18 year old, remarking that no one knows the truth about the 18 year old. The sad truth is, that in this world that can quote and twist to their needs in many cases the verse in the bible that says judge not, everyone does. Matthew 7:1, NIV, states "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." Because I was judged, those who read the diatribe on my page judged the 18 year old by her words and by what they could see on the 18 year old's own page.
Truth: People know you by your words and your actions. If you are proud of those words and actions, own it. If you aren't happy with the way people see (judge) you, then perhaps it's time to do some thinking.
Some will dismiss the actions and words of those involved in the verbal attack as those who don't know any better, or "they're going to do stuff like that, they're young". Just kids. I see. That makes it okay then. Or does it? As i said, the main instigator was 18. One of her followers (whether he wrote himself or was "hacked") is in his late 20's.
Truth: Parents, Aunts, Uncles, Teachers, and other adults in authority, we must remember that the words and actions of our children are a reflection on us.
Just a few days ago I was verbally attacked by an eighteen year old and her little friends. It happened publicly, on Facebook, because this child has obviously been taught, one way or another, that this is the proper way of handling a situation. Throw out a liberal dose of profanity and beat one's chest in the manner of a gorilla, sprinkling in words like respect.
Sad to say, at first I took the bait, although I did not read this child's entire rant. I responded from the heart. Then I deleted and apologized to anyone who could have read any of that on my page. I am by no means perfect, but I won't listen to that type of speech. I close my ears to it. Using that language at me on the phone earns a hang up. In print, the delete button comes in very handy. I even stated that conversations are welcome; profanity and abusive language would be removed and those involved would be blocked from my page. My husband took it upon himself to guard my page so I wouldn't have to see it all. Why? Because I'm related to the 18 year old and the ones who chose to follow her lead.
I did see that one adult came to the defense of the 18 year old, remarking that no one knows the truth about the 18 year old. The sad truth is, that in this world that can quote and twist to their needs in many cases the verse in the bible that says judge not, everyone does. Matthew 7:1, NIV, states "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." Because I was judged, those who read the diatribe on my page judged the 18 year old by her words and by what they could see on the 18 year old's own page.
Truth: People know you by your words and your actions. If you are proud of those words and actions, own it. If you aren't happy with the way people see (judge) you, then perhaps it's time to do some thinking.
Some will dismiss the actions and words of those involved in the verbal attack as those who don't know any better, or "they're going to do stuff like that, they're young". Just kids. I see. That makes it okay then. Or does it? As i said, the main instigator was 18. One of her followers (whether he wrote himself or was "hacked") is in his late 20's.
Truth: Parents, Aunts, Uncles, Teachers, and other adults in authority, we must remember that the words and actions of our children are a reflection on us.
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. KJV Proverbs 22:15
It is up to us adults to teach and to correct bad behavior while the children are young so that when the world sees our little darlings, the world doesn't hold up a mirror that makes us unhappy. We all love our children and we want to be the cool parent whose home is the local hangout, right? That's what keeps our children loving us, right? Not so much. Being a parent means teaching right from wrong, and how to deal with a situation that makes them unhappy. In other words, if we do not correct our children's behavior now, someone else will do it later, and the way it is done may lead to heartbreak. Not everyone will simply hit delete and move on. Some will choose to involve the police or other court system, some will retaliate in kind and introduce violence. We only have to read or watch the news to know that deaths occur everyday in this country(!) over matters that could and should have been talked out. Many scream about how far we've come as a society, and how certain groups are dragging us back in time to "the bad old days." Read your history. We haven't gone forward or backward. We're simply spinning our wheels because the lesson's aren't being learned.
I for one, have many lessons still to learn. I am by no means perfect. But when someone has a problem, I am willing to listen as long as it is brought to me in a respectful manner. Respect is another word being thrown about in this world, like truth, but few know or care about its meaning. That, my friends, is another lesson for another day. For now I have spoken my peace. Thank you for listening.
simply,
Dottie
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Everything Changes
My Mom and brother visiting the new house.
The changes began earlier in the month with the death of my mother. That was a blow no one saw coming even though she was 75 years young. She was strong, almost too independent, still caring for my brother who still lived with her. The one thing she could not do was drive. Her nerves were too bad to handle that so while she lived near us, my husband and I taxi'd her around town. Other members of the family did, as well, when the Hubs and i couldn't.
Her death left more than just the void of her being there. It meant that someone new would be my brother's caretaker. Born prematurely and placed in an incubator with no oxygen for a few minutes by a careless or overworked nurse left him with mild cp (cerebral palsy) that affects the left side of his body and fairly mild mental challenges. Yet he is very intelligent. He may be at a loss for math skills, but he is the family historian. He remembers things many of us have forgotten --and we three sisters are all younger than he is.
My mother never left a will. Whether she didn't want to go through the expense or simply didn't think it was necessary ("Bobby knows who gets what") she didn't get one done, though I urged her to do so many times. With few exceptions there haven't been any squabbles over material possessions. Bobby has been a different story. There have been heated discussions, hurt feelings, and a lot of stress, simply because two bull headed sisters each wanted what was best for Bobby. Even a few nieces got in on the act. In the end, Bobby spoke up. While he would love a place of his own, it's not going to happen yet. But while he would be happy and taken care of with any of us, his wishes are simple: He wants to be able to go to church every Sunday, wants a karate class, wants to go to the movies now and then. He chose to be with me.
While I hate all the stress that this has caused, I am happy for this new chapter in my life. Though we are 14 years apart, Bobby and I share a closeness, just as our sisters do with each other. I grew up taking walks with him, listening to the ghost stories he loves so much. And yes, as the years have gone by, I, the youngest of the family, have been guilty of mothering him a bit. I mother everyone who comes into my line of sight. It's just part of me to be a bit of a mother hen.
As for the Hubs and J, I think they too are happy with Bobby living with us. J adores his uncle. He sees someone who understands him (for the most part) and he has a few of his uncle's traits. The Hubs is one who loves to talk about the bible and faith in general, and Bobby is very much interested in that.
I am looking forward to seeing life as it unfolds. I know I still have much to learn from my older brother, and I hope I can teach him some as well.
Monday, June 16, 2014
Confessions of a Disorganized Housewife: Fessing Up
These days, if you want to come and visit, you're entirely welcome. Just plan on coming early in the week.
You know what they say about the road to hell right? It's paved with good intentions. When we first moved here I was Susie Homemaker. I stuck with my routines, went to bed at a decent hour, Baby Bear was in a great mood... life was good. We even got some painting done and even a little decorating. I'll do a post on the kitchen and dining room soon, we just need to finish up in that area.
But then came things that got in the way. Started chatting on Facebook messenger with friends until Jim came home from work. After dinner chores got pushed aside. We had to run here or there for myriad reasons from helping out a relative to just plain boredom. It rained a lot so that painting wasn't advisable (from what I've read if you paint on rainy days it doesn't dry properly). Seizures and meltdowns reared their ugly heads a few times. In short, while I have been continuing to try and keep the place neat and orderly while making the house more into home, it's been more like swimming upstream while the other fish are busily heading downstream: you're putting out a lot of effort but you're really not getting anywhere.
One thing I've kept up with though, is (mostly) managing to keep Mondays free of distraction so I can get the house back in order. The weekends are now the true weekends so unless I'm babysitting on Sunday, not a lot of housework is being done on Saturday. And somewhere along the lines of Friday, the brains in this house tend to forget where shoes go, and things tend to fall by the wayside.
That's where Mondays come in. That's my time to restore order to the living room, bathroom, kitchen and dining room. The rooms get picked up, the dishes are caught up, the bathroom gets a good scrub down, and the carpets get a good vacuuming. All that fun stuff. Most of it, anyway.
Slowly though, I'm figuring out the spring time slump and getting back into a more feasible routine. A load or two of laundry gets done most days, and today I wrote up some rules for a happy kitchen:
If I can get back in the habit of making sure those are done regularly, as well as mastering the art of menu planning (and sticking with said plans) I think I can keep a handle on the housework so I can better spend my time with Baby Bear and the Hubs, as well as work in time for writing and art work. Home Sweet House is relatively small, which I am thankful for when it comes to keeping the housework manageable.
So there you have it, folks, my confession for the day. Now, if you'll excuse me, the laundry needs rebooting and dishes are calling. Have a great Monday.
This is Charlie, holding the tv down so it doesn't fly away each night, lol.
You know what they say about the road to hell right? It's paved with good intentions. When we first moved here I was Susie Homemaker. I stuck with my routines, went to bed at a decent hour, Baby Bear was in a great mood... life was good. We even got some painting done and even a little decorating. I'll do a post on the kitchen and dining room soon, we just need to finish up in that area.
But then came things that got in the way. Started chatting on Facebook messenger with friends until Jim came home from work. After dinner chores got pushed aside. We had to run here or there for myriad reasons from helping out a relative to just plain boredom. It rained a lot so that painting wasn't advisable (from what I've read if you paint on rainy days it doesn't dry properly). Seizures and meltdowns reared their ugly heads a few times. In short, while I have been continuing to try and keep the place neat and orderly while making the house more into home, it's been more like swimming upstream while the other fish are busily heading downstream: you're putting out a lot of effort but you're really not getting anywhere.
One thing I've kept up with though, is (mostly) managing to keep Mondays free of distraction so I can get the house back in order. The weekends are now the true weekends so unless I'm babysitting on Sunday, not a lot of housework is being done on Saturday. And somewhere along the lines of Friday, the brains in this house tend to forget where shoes go, and things tend to fall by the wayside.
That's where Mondays come in. That's my time to restore order to the living room, bathroom, kitchen and dining room. The rooms get picked up, the dishes are caught up, the bathroom gets a good scrub down, and the carpets get a good vacuuming. All that fun stuff. Most of it, anyway.
Slowly though, I'm figuring out the spring time slump and getting back into a more feasible routine. A load or two of laundry gets done most days, and today I wrote up some rules for a happy kitchen:
- dishes are done by the end of the night and at the very least are put in the drainer to dry if not put away.
- litter boxes are patrolled daily with regular scrubbing
- Floor to be swept nightly
- Trash taken out nightly.
If I can get back in the habit of making sure those are done regularly, as well as mastering the art of menu planning (and sticking with said plans) I think I can keep a handle on the housework so I can better spend my time with Baby Bear and the Hubs, as well as work in time for writing and art work. Home Sweet House is relatively small, which I am thankful for when it comes to keeping the housework manageable.
So there you have it, folks, my confession for the day. Now, if you'll excuse me, the laundry needs rebooting and dishes are calling. Have a great Monday.
Friday, June 6, 2014
It's Finally Friday! Take Some Time
It is finally Friday! I thought I'd sit and write a bit while Baby Bear relaxes. Honestly, I'm hoping he naps today so I can get a little bit of a snooze in myself. Yes, finally I have learned to sleep while he sleeps. Most of the time.
It's been a nice day so far. No appointments, no trips to the grocery store, no tantrums. In fact, for lunch the Hubs was nice enough to prepare quesajitas --I'm thinking he created that combo. It's a cross between quesadillas and chicken fajitas. Yummy!--while I took a few minutes to make a card or two. I love being creative when I can. I don't always get a lot of time to do that, so I take advantage when I can. It's a great stress reliever.
Sorry for the sideways cards. I just recently upgraded something on the computer and I'm still figuring it out. I'd like to say that I came up with the design for these cards. Nope. They all use the same stamp set from Stampin Up! and were part of a program my demonstrator does. Basically, participants agree to buy the set she chooses, along with a few other tools such as ink pads. The demonstrator, as part of the price, sends precut card stock and any embellishments needed to finish the cards. It's fun and for now gives me a few minutes to play without having to think too hard. With Baby Bear, sometimes that's the best way to handle it.
Speaking of that sweet young man of mine, that nap I was hoping for just went out the window. He's currently laughing and tapping the love seat to get my attention. Translation: Boredom! Time to get moving again. Have a great weekend.
It's been a nice day so far. No appointments, no trips to the grocery store, no tantrums. In fact, for lunch the Hubs was nice enough to prepare quesajitas --I'm thinking he created that combo. It's a cross between quesadillas and chicken fajitas. Yummy!--while I took a few minutes to make a card or two. I love being creative when I can. I don't always get a lot of time to do that, so I take advantage when I can. It's a great stress reliever.
Sorry for the sideways cards. I just recently upgraded something on the computer and I'm still figuring it out. I'd like to say that I came up with the design for these cards. Nope. They all use the same stamp set from Stampin Up! and were part of a program my demonstrator does. Basically, participants agree to buy the set she chooses, along with a few other tools such as ink pads. The demonstrator, as part of the price, sends precut card stock and any embellishments needed to finish the cards. It's fun and for now gives me a few minutes to play without having to think too hard. With Baby Bear, sometimes that's the best way to handle it.
Speaking of that sweet young man of mine, that nap I was hoping for just went out the window. He's currently laughing and tapping the love seat to get my attention. Translation: Boredom! Time to get moving again. Have a great weekend.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Autism Wednesday: Confessions of Life with Baby Bear
So....I haven't written in a long time. Oh, I've had intentions of writing. I even came up with a blog post or two...that never made it from my computer to here. Life has been filled with the usual ups and downs that find us all. Baby Bear has done so great at times and I've wanted to share those moments --and then there are days that really just make me want to throw my hands up in surrender and say, Come take him. I can't handle it anymore. Those are the times that really break my heart. I know there are parents who have had to make the painful decision to place their child in a residential home of some sort. The one time we came really close to actually doing it --we were informed that the state wouldn't take him. They have no place for young adults with moderate to severe autism. We never pursued it so I have no idea how true that statement is. I do know, however, that in the hierarchy of state funds, adults with special needs are very low on the totem pole. But you know what? Honestly and truly I don't want to place my son in a home that isn't mine. I know there are loving people who become caregivers, and I also know that one day he may very well end up in one anyway, due to the deaths of The Hubs and me, or that we are just too old and frail to care for him properly. At the same time, I can't imagine not having J in the house each night.
The times that I do consider placement are born out of frustration, anger, and fear. This is a home we plan to stay in for a very long time if we can. We are the ones responsible for repairs. It makes me feel better that I don't have the worry of a landlord throwing us out because J broke something, but it also makes my heart sink when I see the damage that has occurred in J's room already. Sometime very soon, as in the next few weeks or so, we will be learning all about replacing dry wall. At the same time, we are considering what to put on the walls that is sturdy enough to withstand the banging, but wont seriously hurt his hands. Quite obviously plain, painted walls aren't going to cut it in his room. If a crack or hole is knocked in it, his OCD kicks in and he starts picking at it, particularly if he's angry or bored. See where this is going? Yeah, not pretty. There are books, magazine articles and blog posts galore on baby proofing your home. Baby Bear proofing? Not so much. I feel like I'm paving the way on this one.
So...yeah. That's pretty much life here at Dottie's Life these days. Mostly good, some not so good, and learning to tread water again. I won't promise to write posts because we've seen how that goes here. But please don't give up on me. I have lots to tell you about. I just stumbled once again and let life pull at me. I want to write at least three posts a week, if not more. If I lag, please feel free to contact me. I love hearing from you even if I don't get a chance to respond. For now, housework calleth, as does Baby Bear. He's "talking" to me in his own language, wanting attention. I do love his sense of humor.
Baby Bear doesn't like getting his hair cut very often due to sensitivity issues. But I do love his mischievous smile. Doesn't he clean up good?
The times that I do consider placement are born out of frustration, anger, and fear. This is a home we plan to stay in for a very long time if we can. We are the ones responsible for repairs. It makes me feel better that I don't have the worry of a landlord throwing us out because J broke something, but it also makes my heart sink when I see the damage that has occurred in J's room already. Sometime very soon, as in the next few weeks or so, we will be learning all about replacing dry wall. At the same time, we are considering what to put on the walls that is sturdy enough to withstand the banging, but wont seriously hurt his hands. Quite obviously plain, painted walls aren't going to cut it in his room. If a crack or hole is knocked in it, his OCD kicks in and he starts picking at it, particularly if he's angry or bored. See where this is going? Yeah, not pretty. There are books, magazine articles and blog posts galore on baby proofing your home. Baby Bear proofing? Not so much. I feel like I'm paving the way on this one.
So...yeah. That's pretty much life here at Dottie's Life these days. Mostly good, some not so good, and learning to tread water again. I won't promise to write posts because we've seen how that goes here. But please don't give up on me. I have lots to tell you about. I just stumbled once again and let life pull at me. I want to write at least three posts a week, if not more. If I lag, please feel free to contact me. I love hearing from you even if I don't get a chance to respond. For now, housework calleth, as does Baby Bear. He's "talking" to me in his own language, wanting attention. I do love his sense of humor.
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