An Open Letter to Adults About Teaching and Correcting Children

 Dear parents, teachers, aunts, uncles, and other adults in charge of children:


Just a few days ago I was verbally attacked by an eighteen year old and her little friends. It happened publicly, on Facebook, because this child has obviously been taught, one way or another, that this is the proper way of handling a situation. Throw out a liberal dose of profanity and beat one's chest in the manner of a gorilla, sprinkling in words like respect.  

Sad to say, at first I took the bait, although I did not read this child's entire rant. I responded from the heart. Then I deleted and apologized to anyone who could have read any of that on my page. I am by no means perfect, but I won't listen to that type of speech. I close my ears to it. Using that language at me on the phone earns a hang up. In print, the delete button comes in very handy.  I even stated that conversations are welcome; profanity and abusive language would be removed and those involved would be blocked from my page.  My husband took it upon himself to guard my page so I wouldn't have to see it all. Why? Because I'm related to the 18 year old and the ones who chose to follow her lead.

I did see that one adult came to the defense of the 18 year old, remarking that no one knows the truth about the 18 year old. The sad truth is, that in this world that can quote and twist to their needs in many cases the verse in the bible that says judge not, everyone does. Matthew 7:1, NIV, states "Do not judge, or you too will be judged."  Because I was judged, those who read the diatribe on my page judged the 18 year old by her words and by what they could see on the 18 year old's own page. 


Truth: People know you by your words and your actions. If you are proud of those words and actions, own it. If you aren't happy with the way people see (judge) you, then perhaps it's time to do some thinking.


Some will dismiss the actions and words of those involved in the verbal attack as those who don't know any better, or "they're going to do stuff like that, they're young".  Just kids. I see. That makes it okay then. Or does it? As i said, the main instigator was 18. One of her followers (whether he wrote himself or was "hacked") is in his late 20's. 


Truth: Parents, Aunts, Uncles, Teachers, and other adults in authority, we must remember that the words and actions of our children are a reflection on us. 

Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.  KJV Proverbs 22:15

It is up to us adults to teach and to correct bad behavior while the children are young so that when the world sees our little darlings, the world doesn't hold up a mirror that makes us unhappy.  We all love our children and we want to be the cool parent whose home is the local hangout, right? That's what keeps our children loving us, right? Not so much. Being a parent means teaching right from wrong, and how to deal with a situation that makes them unhappy. In other words, if we do not correct our children's behavior now, someone else will do it later, and the way it is done may lead to heartbreak. Not everyone will simply hit delete and move on. Some will choose to involve the police or other court system, some will retaliate in kind and introduce violence. We only have to read or watch the news to know that deaths occur everyday in this country(!) over matters that could and should have been talked out.  Many scream about how far we've come as a society, and how certain groups are dragging us back in time to "the bad old days." Read your history. We haven't gone forward or backward. We're simply spinning our wheels because the lesson's aren't being learned.

I for one, have many lessons still to learn. I am by no means perfect. But when someone has a problem, I am willing to listen as long as it is brought to me in  a respectful manner. Respect is another word being thrown about in this world, like truth, but few know or care about its meaning. That, my friends, is another lesson for another day. For now I have spoken my peace. Thank you for listening.

simply,

Dottie

He Who Is Without Sin

I don't have network television (by choice) so I get most of my news from the internet. The last few days it seems all anyone can talk about (me included) is Paula Deen. Paula Deen and Who is Jumping on the Drop Paula Deen Bandwagon. The latest of these is Walmart.   Smithfield and Food Network have already done the same. So why is Paula Deen now a pariah? Because she used a word that no one -and I mean *NO. One* should ever use--twenty years ago. Because of this and the court battle she and her brother Bubba are going through, people are split between calling her a racist and being happy that she's going through all of this and standing loyally behind the queen of Southern cooking.
    Each person has the right to research this and make up his or her own mind about Paula Deen, and whether or not to support the companies that so quickly dropped a woman who helped them bring in big bucks over the years. Personally folks, twenty years ago I was younger than I am now and I can almost guarantee I did or said something that I wish I hadn't. I don't know a person on this earth who is perfect and hasn't made a mistake or two. Granted, I don't know Paula personally, although I'd be pleased to meet her. But I can tell you this: I don't care so much about what she did or said in the past. I care about the person she is now. I could very well be proven wrong, but I will not judge her for a mistake in the past, especially since she has apologized for it. But as for the companies and individuals who are name calling and doing the politically correct thing, I feel nothing but pity. 
   Make no mistake. Racism is an ugly, ugly thing. But you know what? So is judging a person for something done in the past while ignoring the present. If we are going to hold Ms. Deen's feet to the fire for what she has said in the past, we need to take off the blinders when it comes to many, many celebrities and politicians, as well as ourselves. 
   In quoting a scripture that is much used (and abused), Jesus told the Pharisees, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" at the woman who committed adultery. That was a sin punishable by death, and the crowd would have been in the right to carry out that punishment. However, when faced with examining themselves, no stones were thrown at this woman. I'm seeing an awful lot of stones being cast today at one woman. 
   When the crowd dispersed and the woman was left alone with Jesus, he didn't condemn her. They both knew she had sinned. He told her, "go and sin no more."
   If we are to hold one woman accountable for something she did in the past, we had best be prepared to be honest with the world and ourselves, holding others and especially ourselves accountable to that same impossibly high standard.  How can we crucify one while allowing others to do the same?

Judgement Calls

In the whole bible, besides John 3:16, what verse comes to mind that everyone quotes (and misquotes)? Do not judge. I've heard many, many people use that as a get out of jail free card. "The Bible says don't judge". "Jesus said don't judge". If you ask most of them where that verse is found, they couldn't say. They don't know (nor do some of them care) what the verses surrounding that one says or means. They just know it's in there and that is supposed to end the conversation.  In case you're wondering, here it is: Matthew 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
      Luk_6:37  Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:
     Joh_7:24  Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.
      In most conversations, the reason that particular phrase is brought up is sin. Someone is committing adultery, having (or had) an abortion, got caught lying, stealing, etc. It doesn't matter. Sin is sin. And while Jesus did say, "Judge not" he was not one to excuse sin or sweep it under the rug. He called out the sinner, pointed it out, and to some he said "Go and sin no more".  He didn't do any of this hatefully or spitefully, but in love. 
  When it comes to sin, God does not tolerate it, whether its a "little" sin or a "big" sin. Truthfully, from God's perspective there is no sin hierarchy. To him it's all the same and we are all guilty of it. We humans were the ones to decide that lying to spare one's feelings is okay and murder is worse than adultery or fornication. 
  So, when we see someone going down the wrong path, should we just look the other way? Pretend it's okay? Not say anything because we don't want to be accused of judging? If I saw a huge 18 wheeler barreling down the highway and you were in it's path unaware, would you want me to tell you? I'm willing to guess that you'd want to know, and you'd want me to help you get out of the way as quickly as possible.  Sin in that 18 wheeler. The end result in both cases is death. 
  When we encounter a situation (sin) that needs addressing, we need to be prayerful and introspective about it. Is my life in order? Am I doing the same thing or something that needs to be taken care of first? Go to the person alone. Do not discuss Susie's adultery with Heather and Jane "out of concern." Talk to Susie about your concerns. Let her know you're worried about her. 
  If Susie repents, great! Continue loving her, continue being there for her. If she doesn't? Continue loving her, continue praying for her, continue being there for her (except in helping her to sin). Go to the church elders or the minister to voice your concern. We should judge the sin, and try to vanquish it from our lives.
  But what if it's not a sin, but a "character flaw"?  Max is overweight, he must not eat healthy or he eats too much. Sally is the world's worst housekeeper. Her place is always a mess; how can she live like that?  Yes folks, that is judging and it is mean, and in this author's opinion it's one of the worst forms of judging. Have a heart, folks! This applies to me as well. I too, have been guilty of criticizing others. 
  Look deeper at the person you are attacking. Is Max really eating only junkfood and lots of it? Is he doing it because he's lonely or depressed? Reach out to him. Be his friend.  And Sally. Why is her house a mess? Is it because she doesn't care and prefers to live in a messy environment, or is there an underlying problem? Perhaps she's overwhelmed and doesn't know where to start. Perhaps she's just too tired to pick up after chasing the kids all day. Maybe she just doesn't have the organization gene that you do. Instead of picking at her or throwing advice or throwing a social worker at her, GO HELP. Offer to take the kids for an hour or two so Sally can get some work done. Shoo her out of the kitchen and wash the dishes for her. Offer her an hour of your time and help her figure out how to organize.  And again, continue loving Max and Sally. Don't go running off to Heather and Jane to discuss it.
  We all have our sins. We all have our character flaws. Help one another. Be someone's life line. But do it in love.

Rated R : Labeling, Assuming,

Okay America, pop quiz time. You see a child of fifteen or sixteen in a store who is in the midst of a meltdown -- crying, screaming, may be trying to bite, that type of thing, and one or two people are either talking to him calmly and rubbing his back or leading him someplace a little less populated. What's you're first thought? Be honest with me here.
  A. Whoa, bad trip! Wrong drugs!
  B. Wow, what a brat! His parents should be ashamed! I'd.....
  C. Ugh, what a r*****. 
  D. Should I ask if i can help in some way or should I just stay out of the way?
  E. Why do they allow people like that in public? They should stay home or be institutionalized!
  F. Poor dear, he's having a bad day. I can't do anything to help the situation but I can pray.


2. Same young man, same public place, only this time the boy is giggling a little too loudly, pacing back and forth, waving his hands a little wildly, talking gibberish, coming into your space and smiling, and/or hanging all over an adult who is smiling (sometimes tiredly) and talking to him, sometimes gesturing or telling him to be a little quieter. What's your reaction?
  A, Whoa, he's trippin!
  B. What a r*****
  C. Didn't his parents teach him some manners? Doesn't he know how to act in public?
  D. He's a happy one today!
  E. He's disturbing everyone! He shouldn't be here!

Okay, pencils down, test is over. How'd you do?  If you answered good trip/ bad trip, you may be partially correct. The child may indeed be on medication to help calm him, but sometimes he's just really happy (or really bored silly which produces the goofiness at times) or conversely, something has caused his anxiety to sky rocket. He can't use words to communicate that something hurts, or the lights are too bright, or there are just too many people here and it's too noisy so he melts down.
  If you answered "brat" or "no manners", ennhhh! wrong! He isn't a brat and he does understand how to behave in public. He's still learning, however, and he has the innocence of a wee one. He expresses his emotions easily and yes, sometimes loudly. The presence of the adult in both scenarios show that yes his parents care, and yes they are teaching him how to behave in public.  The options of not taking him into public places or institutionalizing him are outdated, uncaring, and presently unneeded. If he is having a really bad day or the place is a hospital or someplace else that outbursts of any sort could be dangerous or frowned upon, he is either taken outside or simply stays outside or elsewhere with a parent or a friend. 
  If you answered with happy, poor dear, or should I help or stay out of the way, thank you.  You are one of the few out there with compassion.  Yes, there are brats out there, caused by parents who simply do not care (very rare) or by parents who are doing the best they can but are either inconsistent in teaching and discipline or have no idea what form of discipline would work.   Sometimes a child is well behaved but otherwise just having a really bad day or is tired (younger children mostly).  And yes, there are , sadly, some cases where a young adult is misusing/abusing drugs of some sort and it shows publicly. There are all sorts of reasons out there for behavior. The trick is not to simply assume you know what the situation is.
  If you answered with the "r" word, shame on you. This is the single most misused word in the English language. It's used quite casually, calling friends a r***** or its "cute" form, rere. Saying someone or something is r*****ed. It's neither cute nor is it accurate or acceptable.  Yes, some people are mentally slow, or retarded in some area or another. I'm assuming that if you can read this you are intelligent enough to have a rather large and broad vocabulary. If you are a doctor or therapist and can use the word appropriately in discussing a patient, or you're choosing to converse about how certain chemicals in fabric slow the chance of catching fire, fine, use the word. Think twice about using it in a derogatory manner, then think again. When words are improperly, thoughtlessly, uncaringly, and casually tossed about, it speaks volumes of your character, your education, your upbringing, your morals, and people will judge you harshly whether it's true or not. 
  The child mentioned in the pop quiz? Mine. The answers? Those have come across the board over the years as he has gotten older. Some I've heard from public figures, not necessarily speaking of my child, but he could have been because he chose to give his thoughtless, uneducated opinion over the airwaves, perfect strangers who either make snide remarks to whomever may hear the mutters or do nothing to hide what is plainly written on their faces; to fellow Christians, to family members. 
  If you do not know what is going on or you don't know the facts, you have two choices: ask questions or keep your mouth firmly in the closed and locked position. If your name is not Howard Cosell or Walter Cronkite, no one needs to hear your commentary. My son, and others like him, are not celebrities whose lives seem to be constantly up for public scrutiny. 
  David Lander, also known as the lovable Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley, has multiple sclerosis. When he first knew about it, he didn't tell anyone. People would see him fall, or stumble, and they would assume he was drunk or on drugs. I'm sure he isn't the only one who suffers from MS to have others think such thoughts. I learned this about him before I knew my son had autism.  The point? Don't just assume you know the facts. Ask questions first. Most of us do not think questions are rude.  Staring, assuming, those are rude.
  Not all people whom you encounter with autism will act like my son. If you were to have 100 fifteen year olds with autism in the same room, you'd likely see 100 different versions of autistic behaviors. Some will be verbal, some will be mute. One may tell you everything you ever wanted to know and then some about baseball or whatever subject they latch onto. One or two may shriek and flap their hands. Many wont give eye contact unless they know you and are comfortable in their surroundings. You may find one sitting alone doing his own thing, or watching others play. Some may be spinning objects, some may build amazing things out of legoes. Not many will be savants. Rainman is not typical. It's fabulous when a child or adult with autism has an extreme talent for music or art or math. Not all are like that. There will be some who are computer geniuses (some more well known than you'd guess) and some will work with animals, lecture about animals and autism and would be so fascinating to meet (Temple Grandin). All are worth getting to know. 
  When you see a situation, think first. Comment later if at all. Ask questions. Pray. Encourage. Get to know someone.  

A Morning Cup of Tea: Cast the First Stone

 Good morning! Today we are beginning chapter 8 of John, verses one through twelve. Jesus had come once again to the temple, and had begun to teach. The scribes and Pharisees came to him with a woman in their custody. 
  The scribes and Pharisees announced to Jesus that the woman had been committing adultery; had been caught in the very act, they said. The law of Moses said quite clearly that she should be stone, but what does Jesus have to say about this?
  Obviously they wanted him to say something contrary to the law of Moses so they could do away with him. Jesus knew this too. He bent over and began writing in the dirt with his finger as if he hadn't heard the men. Then he stood up and said He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And he began to write on the ground again.
  They who had heard this, one by one, oldest to youngest, began to leave. Finally there was only Jesus and the woman left. Jesus asked the woman, Where are your accusers, are there any here? She of course answered, No man. He said Neither do I condemn thee; go and sin no more.

 I've wondered at times what Jesus wrote in the dirt that day. Was he just doodling? Perhaps he was writing a list of things he needed to do in the coming days. Or maybe he was writing some of the sins that her accusers had done? I've also wondered, where is the man with whom she was sinning? Had they already punished him, or was he part of the trap set for Jesus and therefore was there with the other men, or set free?  You know what? The answers to those two questions won't be answered here, and in the long run, neither matter. 
  To her accusers he gave them permission to stone her, but the one who was without sin should cast the first stone. All of them knew what they had done, and they felt the guilt of it so they left. End of story? Not quite.
  Some would like to use this account to teach or believe that we should not judge others. But pay attention here. Jesus did not tell her she was not guilty of adultery, nor did he say it was no one's business that she had done this. According to the law she could have been stoned to death.  She and Jesus both knew she was guilty of that. He simply did not condemn her to death. He told her, Go, and sin no more.
  Sometimes we get caught up in at thinking how good we are, while looking at someone who has done wrong. Not one of us is perfect; we all sin, whether stumbling into it in daily life or deliberately choosing to do what we know to be sinful. This does not mean we should not talk to a brother or sister about a sin, it's just that we need to check our attitude and also make sure that we aren't ready to discuss her dirty front porch when our whole house could use a good spring cleaning. The scribes and Pharisees weren't wanting to discuss this woman's sins in love and concern for her, they just wanted Jesus to say something that went against their teaching. They chose an adulteress as bait most likely because that was such a horrible sin and surely none of them would ever do something like that! They had forgotten for a moment that they too sin. 
 Have a great day.   
    

A Morning Cup of Tea: Feast of the Tabernacles

 Good morning! It looks to be another beautiful day outside. It seems  fairly warm this morning. Little old me toddled outside barefoot to feed the cats and it was not uncomfortable. The weather will change soon, though.
 Today we are looking at the first 24 verses of chapter 7 of the book of John. I will admit, John's style of writing confuses me somewhat. I will look into that a bit later though, and focus right now on what is going on in the chapter.
  Jesus is in Galilee. John mentions that Jesus would not go to Judaea (the verse says Jewry) because others sought to kill him and he knew it. It was nearly time for the feast of the tabernacles, and his brothers wanted Jesus to come with them to Judea.  They said, Leave here and go to Judea so your disciples can see your works you do. Why do things in secret, don't you want to be known in the world? (my words, v3,4)  They didn't believe Jesus was the Christ.
  6. Then Jesus said unto them, My time is not yet come: but your time is alway ready.
 It wasn't his time to be killed. I'm not sure what he meant by your time is always ready. But he told them that the world doesn't hate them, but the world hated him because he told them truth. Jesus told his brothers to go on up to the feast, he wasn't going just yet. He was waiting on God. When he did go to the feast, it was quietly so that no one noticed him there. People talked about him, asking where he was. Some said he was a good man, others said he was a deceiver. 
  In the midst of the feast Jesus did what he did a lot of --he went to the temple and taught. The people were amazed because he knew how to read although he had never been taught. Very few people were educated back then. Most were taught from a young age a trade.
  Jesus told them his teaching was not his, but the one who sent him.  He chastised the people for not keeping the law and wanting to kill him. He reminded them that Moses brought them the law and they didn't even know what it was!  
 They thought he was disturbed, or possessed. Who's trying to kill you?
 Jesus told them, I do one work and you marvel. Moses gave you circumcision, and you allow circumcision on the Sabbath so that the law is kept. I make a man whole on the Sabbath  and you are angry with me.
 Then Jesus tells them in verse 24, Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgement. 
  Look and see what's going on before you condemn someone. Pay attention. The people of Jesus' time were willing to kill him because he healed on the Sabbath.  There should never be a time when you won't help someone simply because of the day.
  Jesus has much more to say in this chapter, and we will continue tomorrow. Until next time, have a great day! 

A Morning Cup of Tea: Judge Not

Good afternoon! 
 Today we are focusing on three verses in chapter six of Luke: 
 36. Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father is merciful.
 37. Judge not, and ye shall not be judged; condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned; forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:
 38. Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.
  The words do not judge, to some, mean, don't tell me when I am doing wrong, period. As a mother, when I see my son doing something wrong, especially something that can hurt him, I let him know, quickly. As a Christian, if I know someone is doing wrong, especially if the person is a Christian, then I need to go to her or him and discuss the matter. 
  If we read all three verses together we see that whatever I put out into the world will come back to me, whether goodness or evil. So I should be careful how I broach a subject. If I handle a situation in a manner that suggests I am better than the person I am trying to counsel, then I am wrong.  The fact of the matter is we all sin. In God's eyes sin is sin. Doesn't matter that for example, I lied to a friend while Susy committed adultery. Both are sins. I need to take care of my own sin before talking with Susy about hers, and I should do it in love. 
   Judging also has what seems to be a more acceptable (to the world) connotation. Somehow it became wrong to tell a person they were in danger of hellfire because that is "judging" but its perfectly okay to decide that Alice is a horrible person because her house isn't as spotless as I believe it should be, or that Joe should have his kids taken away because he is obese and may teach bad eating habits to his children. One woman judged many, including me, on a forum that should have brought us together. A hot button issue was brought up --vaccination -- and she proclaimed to the world that she hoped the children of those of us refusing vaccination would die because of that decision. That, my friends, is standing in judgement and is absolutely wrong. I think that is the judgement Jesus is saying is wrong. I would like to do a study on judging, and will probably do so after the study of Luke and John , and before we start on Acts.
  Judging is a hard topic to write about because so many (self included at times) believe  in don't you dare judge me but its okay for me to judge you. Truth is, whether we try to (lovingly) point out a sin that needs to be taken care of or standing in judgement on a personal matter, we need to understand that either way we put ourselves in the spotlight so that others can point out our own faults, whether sin or difference of priority. Focus on your own life before you speak, and remember to be merciful. Forgive those who need to be forgiven, help those who need help, but keep in mind your own imperfections. Discuss without attacking. While sin can't and should not be ignored, do so in such a way so as not to push the person away. Have a wonderful day. 

A Morning Cup of Tea: Judge Not

Today's scripture, I feel, is one of the most quoted and misused verses in the bible. Please read Matthew 7: 1-5.

1.Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2.For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged:and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3. And why beholdest thou the mote in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is  in thine own eye?
4. or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5.Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

I used to be on a website that is supposed to be helpful for mothers. However, I soon began calling it the Drama Mamas site because on certain parts of the place that is all you would see. Everyone it seemed was of the opinion that they were right and everyone else was wrong. And when it came to lifestyle or behavior, always someone would say, The bible says don't judge! I noticed, however, the ones quoting that scripture didn't feel that it applied to their assessment of another person.
  When we see a fellow Christian doing wrong, we should go to them in love and talk with them. We should not be gossiping with others about what sister so and so is doing. And we should take the time to examine ourselves first. Are we trying to help clean someone else up when we have a fire to put out at home first?
 We are none of us perfect, and we are here to help one another. When we see wrongdoing we should speak up. But we need to go about it the right way.