Gratituesday: Thankful for Waiting

Yup, I'm still here. Haven't moved yet, although I have been packing some, in anticipation of getting out of here.
  No, I'm not the picture of patience. I too am a product of today's microwave society. Gotta have it now. I'm not happy about waiting. But I'm learning to be thankful for the chance. Being impatient is part of the reason we ended up in this particular abode in the first place. Not a good choice.

 In the past several years I've been waiting, on one thing or another. Obviously, I haven't learned what I'm supposed to yet because that particular one keeps coming up. This time, (I hope) is different. This time I'm being a little more patient and waiting on the right doors to open up. Am I happy that I will be living here possibly through Thanksgiving and maybe even Christmas? Nope. Not a bit. I'd rather live anywhere than here. But not being happy about one particular thing in my life isn't going to affect my JOY.  I have too much to be thankful for. I have a roof over my head and food in my belly. My family and I are healthy. Minus an episode on Sunday, J has been doing well the last four months or so. The list could go on. And does. 
  I'll admit, I've stamped my little foot in frustration at houses being rented before we even get a chance to see them (the last one was 99% rented yet we were allowed to look the place over, at the very same moment as the young man who had first dibs on the place. Sigh! Yup, he took it). The one thing I need to remember is God's timing is His own. Not mine. The next place for us to live will show up. I'm holding on to that promise. 

I've seen what happens when I do things on my own. I'd rather be dependent on God. 

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Packing, Moving, and Hiding Places...Or, Have You Seen Where J Hid the Packing Tape?

For at least two years now I've been wanting to move. For the past six months, it has turned into a must move. While I'm grateful to have a roof over our heads, this place really isn't much more than that. Even with the little we pay in rent for this place, we continue to struggle financially because The Hubs works so far away (about 50 miles one way, five days a week) for pay that is good but not great. So we are looking for a place closer in. No rentals that we can afford have shown up in the city he works in (that isn't an apartment, in any case. Those wont work because J gets very loud much of the time and we have pets) so we have found a place a little farther out. 

This new place is small from what I understand, but I'm hoping this is what we need. We haven't seen the place in person yet --hope to this week. But The Hubs has checked the maps online and it looks as if he can shave off at least ten miles each way in heading to work. If this is the case, then we're going to make the place work. If the mileage is the same... we will be back to square one until another answer comes along. 

In the meantime, I'm already packing. So far not much has been boxed up other than cookbooks, kitchen decorations, linens, and a few baking pieces that I can live without for the next few weeks. However, I've discovered a few things about our dear son since last night. For instance:

• Packing tape and markers are fair game and will be hidden if left out over night (I still haven't found the hiding place for them and I can only hope that the tape is still on its dispenser. Packing tape is evil without that flimsy piece of plastic).
• In an effort to be helpful and put away things his crazy parents left out, a roll of toilet paper has been found in a cabinet holding rarely used bakeware.
• For some strange reason he decided that we needed to keep an empty tea box. It too, was found in the cabinet with the bakeware.

As for myself, while I continue to look for the absent tape, I will keep packing as I can. I am discovering that moving is the perfect time to declutter. While I am still hanging on to certain magazines despite the fact that most of that stuff can be found online, I have gotten rid of quite a few that I no longer need or want, as well as about half a trash bag full of empty jars of various sizes and shapes. In a fit of "jars are great! frugality", I began saving them.  Salsa, pickle, sauerkraut, you name it. Big, small, fat, skinny. Did not matter. Now granted, many of the larger ones have been put to use in my pantry, but I still had  have many empties lurking, I'm pretty sure of it, in dark corners, waiting to be put to use. 

I do know, sure as I know my own name, that once I've found all the empties and disposed of the ones I'm sure I don't need, that I'll find a use for them. That's the pack rat in me talking. After all, I was taught well by two loving parents who, although neater than I am, kept many things. My mom still does this. You need batteries? She has them. Bless her heart, it will take her about an hour of searching through her many boxes, but she has them squirreled away in a closet somewhere.  Nevertheless, it's time to fight the packrat gene and do away with things we really do not need. 

As I tend to do lately, I apologize for not posting very often lately, but I will return. I promise you this, to the best of my ability I will not give up writing here. There is still much to say about J, autism, moving, life in general. In the meantime though, either by the end of it all I will have packed up almost everything to give the place a good scrubbing  and manage to live here a little longer, or we will move quickly so that we can all get back to normal. Or at least a reasonable facsimile of it, just before the holidays descend upon us. Have a wonderful day. I'll talk to you again soon.
 

Gratituesday: I Have My Son Back!

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Happy October 1! 

This year has certainly flown by, hasn't it? I cannot believe we are in the beginning stages of fall already --although the cooler temps this morning makes it very believable! It's time to start looking for a homemade hot chocolate recipe that we can possibly keep on hand. One that doesn't call for coffee creamer powder, preferably. I'm looking forward to hot spiced apple cider to drink on occasion as well...and looking at the specter of Holiday Pounds Future. As in the ghost of all that yummy food that seems to come up between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am hoping this year I can indulge and still at the very least maintain my weight at the time, if losing is going to go out the window for awhile.

But this morning I'm thankful for many reasons. This has been a season of change for my family, and more changes are to come. I chose to lose weight and get healthier so I can better care for my family. This is still an ongoing project. J had a few frightening meltdowns earlier this year; one in particular that caused us to wonder if he needed to be in a home that wasn't ours. That was a very heartbreaking thought and we were close to making that decision. However, help arrived and the tide has turned. Thanks to a few changes in medication, I am happy to say J is my sweet, happy young man again. In three months there have been no meltdowns. He has gotten frustrated a time or two and they could have resulted in meltdowns, but I've changed as well. I don't want to be the high strung mama who feeds off of his moods. When I can stay calm, he does better. I thank God that he has changed both of us in that. 

With the change in medicine has come clarity for J. He's getting further along in potty issues. We still have mishaps but he's doing so much better. We aren't 100% there, but there is hope.

Also, J has been open to learning new things that used to confuse and frustrate him. He understands a lot better. He wants to be involved in family life, and life in general. He's back to helping me with laundry, pouring water, putting dishes in the sink, and watching out the window to see what is going on in the world. He even ventures out to the porch to sit and watch at times. He's back to being my humming, happy child.

And me. I'm figuring out that I don't have to do every little thing for him. He is capable of doing for himself. For example, peeling a hard boiled egg or a clementine. I have to "start" it for him, but he sees now how to complete the task. It won't be long at all before he do the task on his own with no help.

I was able to watch J the other evening. He has taken a lamp apart and the Hubs was sure it was now useless. However, sitting in the darkened living room was not J's idea of a great time. He got up, took Dad by the hand, and led him to the kitchen. Dad thought J wanted to have a bite to eat and got him a biscuit. Never one to turn down food, J ate it and got himself a glass of water as well, but he was not done with his mission. He led Dad to the cabinet that holds our laundry supplies and our light bulbs. He guided his father's hand to the lightbulbs, then made him pull out the lightbulb. The Hubs explained that the lamp was broken and would not work, but J was insistent. He took the bulb, put it in the lamp, plugged it in, and sat back, satisfied. His task was complete.

Needless to say, I am very thankful for this young man of mine. I am thankful to our Heavenly Father in showing me that patience brings about good things. Don't give up hope. 

This post is linked to Heavenly Homemakers' Gratituesday .

My Secret Desire

Being a part time blogger can be very interesting. This is a place where I can download my thoughts on autism, motherhood, life in general. I even write about my studies in the bible now and again. I don't have a large following, but I do have a few cheer leaders who follow my writing. Although I don't always answer the comments online, I am grateful for everyone who takes the time to read what I have to say, especially if I get feedback. One cheer leader in particular, I get to see in person (not nearly often enough, though). She cheers when I've written something new, and encourages me to continue when I've hit a dry spell. Too often lately that's been the case. I am hoping I've turned a corner though.

Saturdays have become my day to walk to the library and back, usually with a load of books and dvds. If there is a class, like today, I usually stay. I didn't this time though. Too much going on at home. Or so I thought. Since both my guys are asleep at this point, I could have stayed. No matter. I'm digressing. Usually on my walk I start comparing this town I live in to the fictional town of Mayberry. I feel safe enough to walk the five or so blocks to the library or the grocery store.  I know that crime exists in this community, but I've been blessed enough for it not to have touched my family. So far though, that post has not "gelled" in my mind enough to present it here. Hopefully it will soon though. 

Always on Saturday I look around and see the housework that needs to be done, but I've claimed these hours for myself. I read, I watch, and lately, I write. At least since I was a young teenager I've had a story burning to be told. I've written it a few times but never quite finished it. I'd set it aside for weeks, months, even years at a time. Occasionally another story would take its place, but this particular one has always been on the back burner. The characters grow and continue with their lives in my head, but they beckon me with this story that they want told. I am not a superstitious person really, but I don't want to jinx the flow by discussing it too much. I will talk about it a bit privately, however. It involves two teenagers who find themselves faced with a really big problem. This week I've been able to write about three pages a day (single spaced) on this book. I've wanted to be a published author for as long as I can remember. I've played around a few times, and had some many false starts, and let other things and people distract me from my writing. I'd almost forgotten that in addition to being a wife and mother, daughter and sister who takes care of everyone else, that I am a writer. So, by the first of the year, I want this story to be ready to find a publisher. Whether it be a true, hold-in your-hands book or an ebook. I want to find someone who will take a chance on me. It's a long shot, I'm pretty sure, but I'll never know if I don't try.

Early Morning Autism Musings

It's after five in the morning. Two kittens affectionately known as the Zombie Twins have battled to the tired and are now asleep on my legs. A restless Baby Bear is slowly falling asleep on the other side of my bed after being up since at least three AM and playing musical beds and gigglepalooza in the kitchen. Those are two of his favorite games to play when insomnia strikes. There is nothing inspiring in the kitchen, he was simply avoiding sleeping in his own room and not really wanting to settle down in mine. This is the life of autism that I've come to know lately. This isn't the first insomnia inspired post, and likely won't be the last, either.

We have been working with a caseworker in order to get J qualified for a waiver that would free up money for some of his particular needs, such as a group or host home if he needs it, respite care (much needed), and maybe someone to come into the home to help with his daily care. My dream? Someone who could take the night shift so I'd be more able to manage his day time needs. We aren't so sure that would happen, but as I've said, it's a dream.

We have had well meaning doctors and friends, and even family at times, encourage the Hubs and I to think about placement for J. I will admit that there have been times that something like that would be a blessing. But when it comes right down to it, neither of us want to face that aspect just yet. I know I don't. A chance for J to have community access (translation: day program that gets him out of the house and has the added perk of excursions to restaurants and activities) and respite when we all need a break, yes. Someone else caring for my child 24/7, not. Not yet.

Do I have a problem with other families who choose the option of group homes or host homes(akin to foster homes, but for adults with special needs when a group home isn't suitable, the person cannot live on his own, and family cannot or will not provide care)? Not at all. For a variety of reasons, that conclusion is reached. None of us know what tomorrow holds. The Hubs and I certainly aren't getting any younger. Great health isn't always going to be there. We won't always be there, much as I hate to think about that. And family can't always be counted on to pick up the slack and take in an adult with special needs. These are things that I think about when I'm up nights.

Speaking of my young insomniac child, sleep has finally found him. Dad will need his own rest once he comes in from work in a few hours, so it's time for me to try and get back to dreamland. Have a good morning.

Just in Case You're Wondering...

Just in case you're wondering where I am these days...

I haven't given up writing yet, on the blog or my fiction writing. I just haven't been doing a lot of either lately because life is catching up with me. We've had the usual doctor appointments (all routine), running errands, that sort of thing. Because of all the running around, my housekeeping has slipped even further than my usual standards, and that isn't good. At the moment I have laundry washing and a few loads outside on the line. I love the dryer I was given, along with my washer, but I find I move a bit more and my electric bill isn't quite so high when I depend on solar power a bit more. :)

Speaking of moving, I've been trying to add a bit more exercise into my life these days because I want to be healthier. I joined MyFitnessPal.com (free) in April and became a member of Weight Watchers (not so free) in late June as a birthday gift to myself when I needed an extra push to get the pounds off. Between the two I'm learning a lot and slowly shedding the excess weight. Slow is good. I'm a bit of an odd duck with both groups, although most of my WW friends don't know it. I don't do fat free or low fat anything if I can help it. I've gone down that road before and gained weight. I can never get used to the taste of low fat or fat free items, and when fat is taken out, sugar, salt, or other things are added in to up the flavor. I'll let you decide what is right for you, but for me, I'd rather have a little of the real stuff in moderation than the low fat stuff every day.

Also on my mind is house hunting. We are currently on the lookout for either a rental or a house for sale that we can afford in either case. The rental we are in just is not good for many reasons, never mind the cost of gas. The Hubs travels to work fifty miles one direction, five days a week. That adds up, quickly. In addition to that is church in the other direction and the errands each week, that also add up. As much as I love this area, I'm not so in love with  piling bills and sky high gas prices. 

So, there ya go. That's what is going on these days. J Bear is doing fine, it's just the adults running crazy these days. Please keep us in your prayers.

What Miley Can Teach Us

Miley Cyrus. Photo Credit: Photobucket.

The last few days have seen a flurry of activity in the news, online, and in the blog world about Miley Cyrus and her performance at the VMA's. I won't link to any of that because you can find it if you're interested.  I have not seen the show nor the clips, but the descriptions some people gave and a few pictures I've seen are more than enough to both anger me and break my heart.

Forgive me for using a poor phrase, but some say I don't have a dog in the fight because I don't have any daughters of my own, nor do I have sons who would be caught up in that temptation. True. My son isn't "into" dating or even noticing girls for more than half a second. His world consists of food, sleeping, and music for the most part. I do however, have two young nieces growing up in this world and I know friends with daughters at this time. My concern isn't just for the young ladies I'm related to. I'm concerned about them all.

One post I read mentioned that parents who allow their children to watch MTV should expect some filth. That is a true statement, but filth has permeated more than just that arena. Magazines and ads geared toward teens and tweens encourage provocative dress. A movie I watched on Netflix recently about a coach who dared to try and teach his basketball team educational and personal responsibility showed a school dance scene that included a girl of 15, 16 years of age simulating a sex act with a boy. Some just call that "harmless dancing." And shows like Toddlers and Tiaras or a trip to the beach teach us that  risque and "mature" outfits are being pushed on the babies and the preschool set as well. Because little Dolly looks so "Cute!!!" in that little bikini with the ruffled bottom or the sequined strapless gown on the four year old with the 25 year old made up face.

 True, there is more to girls than the clothes covering her body or how she acts in public. But. While I think it's great (up to a point) that young ladies are taught that they are beautiful (they all are. Every. Last. One.) and they should be free to express themselves in the way they dress and how they conduct themselves in private as well as public, I think a huge piece of the puzzle is missing: Self Respect. And with it, Self Esteem.

Years ago, when Miley was a rising Disney star, her father, Billy Ray Cyrus, had concerns that his daughter not turn out like another Britney. Fast forward to the present. I do not know his reaction to his daughter's sex act onstage in front of the world (that's what it was, folks. Plain and simple). No one bothered mentioning him. Her mother however, stood up and applauded. Applauded! Had she been my daughter I would have stood up as well --and marched up onto the stage to yank the little princess backstage. I don't care that she's 20 years old now. And i would have wondered about myself: Did I teach her as well as I could have? Did I tell her "no" when she needed to hear it and stand firm on that no? And a million other questions. I'm not totally laying the blame on Miley's parents. Like most of us, I'm sure they did the best they could in teaching her and did what they thought was best. Hollywood, the rest of the media, and Miley herself have their share of responsibility as well.  And while the focus is on Ms. Cyrus lately, she isn't the only one who thinks that exploiting her own body is the way to get attention and sell music. Lady Gaga, Madonna, Katy Perry, and even Taylor Swift has abandoned her sweet, romantic persona for angry and sexy. 

So what are we as parents, aunts, mentors and friends supposed to do in order to combat this era of women being seen only as a thing to be used and tossed aside?

• Pray. Pray for our children, both male and female, from the moment they are conceived and continually thereafter.
• Take them to Church.  Raise them up in the church. Teach them from Day One about the love of God, and Jesus who died for all our sins. Fill them with the Word.
• Be a Role Model.  If they see how important our Heavenly Father is to you, and how you handle yourself in and out of public, they will pay attention. On the other hand, if you say that Gaga's outfits are outlandish and yet your skirts are a little too tight or too short, they notice that as well. True they have to make up their own minds, but the more positive influence that kids and even young adults have in their lives, the harder it is for Satan and his Hollywood influence to poison them.
• Teach them that self love does not equate to self degradation or the degradation of others. The world is teaching our girls that in short, they are nothing but a sex object. Or that they should be. Objects are things to be used and discarded when no longer deemed useful. We should be combating the very idea that girls need to show a lot of skin or act in a lascivious manner in order to be noticed and loved. Modesty in both dress and action should be lauded. Unfortunately, girls are taught that it's okay to have sex at a young age, and society praises them for it. When they do have sex, the boy gets what he wants and discards her for another conquest when he's tired of it or she gets pregnant. Once pregnant she must either decide to give the baby up for adoption, raise the baby herself (often but not always with the help of family) or she is convinced to abort the child. In each case, she must grow up all too quickly. Our boys should be taught as well that women are not to be treated as sex objects to be used and abused. Respect needs to be taught on both sides of that fence.
• Tell them NO. And stick by that. It is not the end of the world if a child misses out on a party or an outfit or whatever. They will live. Even teens need boundaries. Will they continue to push them? Yup. Will they be defiant at times and do or buy what they want anyway? You bet. And hopefully you handle it, not by giving in, but through discussion, discipline, and consistency.
• Educate them.  Not just ABCs and 1+1+2, although a good well rounded education in which they are taught how to think and reason for themselves and not just spitting back answers so that exams can be passed, is a very good thing to have. Teach them how to care for themselves. Teach the girls as well as the boys how to change a tire, how to do minor repairs around the house, how to find the North star. Teach them that they are very valuable, and that valuable things should not be given so cheaply.  Teach them that they should strive to be healthy, not skinny enough to fit society's standard of the day.  Teach them to honor God and to pursue their goals. Sadly this has to be the case, but also teach them that their are wolves out there who want nothing more than to hurt them in some way, and also teach them how to protect themselves from it. There are many sweet, loving, kind people out there, including men and boys, but girls need to know the signs of those who would only abuse them.
• And finally, Be there for them.  If you are the parent, aunt, mentor, or other woman of authority, that is your first responsibility. Being their friend can be part of that, but they need a Mama first. Guide them. Teach them. Be available. I know it isn't easy sometimes, but find the balance between standing firm and being approachable so they can come to you to talk. About anything. Some conversations are going to be hard, for both of you, but this is very important to keep the lines of communication open.

I stated earlier that I was both angry and saddened at Miley's actions that night. And I still am. I'm both heartbroken and furious that this child thinks that the way to acceptance and popularity and adulthood is this type of behavior. I'm outraged and upset that the media and society at large thinks this is "liberating" for women and a good thing, and I'm disgusted that there are those who think it's better to let a child do what she wants than to "Judge." 
    I'm not naive enough to think that if everyone followed scripture and my suggestions the whole world will be rosy and happy and all young ladies will dress and act modestly and all young men will be respectful. There is a thing that we all possess, called "Free Will," given to us by our Creator. We can be taught what is good, what is noble, what is lovely, but we are able to choose for ourselves whether we do right or wrong. We seem to have gotten that lesson loud and clear here in this country. What I fear we've neglected is that with free will comes responsibility and consequence. Instead of consequence, we tend to hide our heads in the sand or pass the buck. And this is where we have failed young Miley and those who are heading down that same path.  

 It's not too late for Miley or all the others to be taught. Or maybe she was and just chose not to listen. I don't know. But its still not too late.