Tolerance or Love?

This evening perusing Facebook I saw a picture that a friend had on her page. I won't show it because I'd rather not give any company free advertising unless they deserve it.
  The picture stated that company A had a Mother's Day ad that was deemed offensive by some moms and the moms boycotted. The company responded by repeating the ad for Father's Day. Sort of a ha! Take that moment.  The friend commented, "Doesn't the bible teach tolerance? Why don't they start showing it?" I'm guessing "they" means Christians. 
  Okay, I'll bite. First, let's look at some definitions. 

  

Definition of tolerance (n)

bing.com · Bing Dictionary

tol·er·ance

 [ tóllərənss ]   

1. acceptance of different views: the acceptance of the differing views of other people, e.g. in religious or political matters, and fairness toward the people who hold these different views
2. tolerating of somebody or something: the act of putting up with somebody or something irritating or otherwise unpleasant
3. ability to endure hardship: the ability to put up with harsh or difficult conditions

Synonyms: broad-mindedness, open-mindedness, lenience, acceptance, forbearance, charity, patience

 

 

¹love

noun \ˈləv\

Definition of LOVE

1

a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties love

for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>

b : an assurance of affection love>

2

: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>

3

a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration love

>

b (1) : a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment (2) British —used as an informal term of address

4

a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) : brotherly concern for others

b : a person's adoration of God

5

: a god or personification of love 

 

As a writer, I am surrounded by words. I can't get enough of them. But in our (American) English world, there are some words I would like to drop kick off the face of the earth and would be quite pleased never to hear them uttered ever again. Ever. Some words are like certain top 40 songs. They are played over and over and over; overused, misused, and they take on the attitude of the user. Ones that come to mind are the "r" word (sorry, won't even use it, the "n" word (another one that is wrong no matter who says it, in my opinion) and tolerance. 

   Yes, I said I'm tired of the "t" word. The way it gets thrown out so casually by individuals and groups in indignation is annoying to me. It's a curse word these days and it's volleyed back and forth between two groups. Folks, back away from the net and call it a day. No one is going to win that game. Each side just insists they are right. Just remember, if you throw that word, you are in fact saying that it is okay to spew intolerance from your lips. The person or group you are yelling at is supposed to tolerate you and/or your actions or thoughts, but you won't give them the same respect? 

  This brings me to love. Love gets thrown about quite a lot. I love God. I love my husband. I love my kids. I love baseball. I love pizza. Love love love love love. And my favorite, Love the sinner, hate the sin.  I've wrestled with that one for awhile. I've said it myself quite a few times. Something for us to consider: how many times in the bible did Jesus turn away from sinners spouting either hate the sin love the sinner or show some tolerance? Give up? None. 

    Not one time did Jesus shun someone because of their sinful life if they were willing to speak to him. Nor did he tolerate sin. "Go and sin no more" was what he told them. John 8:1-11 is a classic example. A woman caught in adultery was brought to Jesus by the scribes and Pharisees. It was a setup and Jesus knew it. He didn't give them the answer they were looking for. He told them, He who is without sin, cast the first stone. They all left because none of them fit that description. Does that mean we are to turn a blind eye to sin? No. He told the woman not to sin again.

   You know what though? He befriended sinners. He let them know that someone cares. He fed them. He ate with them. He taught them. He loved them and had compassion for them.

  Jesus told us to love your neighbor as yourself.(Matthew 19:19). I think that's one we've forgotten. It doesn't mean you have to go with them to bars or agree that a sin is okay. If a sin is a stumbling block to you, stay away from it. But don't think you're helping someone to learn by avoiding them. People don't care what you know until they know you care. That goes for anyone. Be friendly. Be gracious. Talk. The world needs more compassion.     

The Gift of Time and Motherhood

Have you ever watched children (perhaps your own) arguing? One invariably says "I'm never speaking to you again!" and storms off. Five minutes later they're best friends again. Our ability to forgive and forget should be that easy.
   Yesterday morning was very hard. J was in the midst of a meltdown and The Hubs wasn't too happy himself. All I could think was, this is it. We have to place him in a home. I can't have a normal life here. I can't even keep the place clean. And it wasn't even that bad of a meltdown, as far as those go. If the one he had a few weeks ago when he tore the padding off the roof of the car was a ten on the meltdown scorecard, then this one was at best a 5. We ended up giving him behavior medicine. Calms him down fairly quickly but takes away his appetite and that eventually frustrates us both. 
   The rest of the day was fine. We followed our usual routine and had our music in the afternoon. He loves that. My ears are ringing after music time because he likes it L*O*U*D. But we were both happy. And I was already letting go of the idea that it was time for him to be in  a home. I know that one day that decision will have to be made. After all, I've talked about it a time or two on this blog and numerous times with The Hubs. It's not a decision I want to make, and I don't want it to be made when I'm angry. That will only lead to regret. 
  This morning I woke from a dream in which some guy was accusing J of taking his soda and drinking from it. Possible, because I've seen him do it to family members. We're still working on personal space and property. In the dream I explained that he was autistic and replaced the soda, but the man was in the corner with his wife loudly proclaiming that, in so many words, autism is  a scam. I told the man to shush. I've seen rude people before, but sheesh! In my dream that worked. But I woke up from the dream and heard J already awake and upset. He'd gone to bed without much dinner because of the effects of the medicine, and he was understandably hungry! So now I'm typing away and after being fed, he's happily rocking in his chair. 
   I've been a mother for over 20 years and I'm still learning. There are days when I wish that life could be a bit more normal and he'd be at college or otherwise on his own. At the very least somewhere else. But I'd miss his happy chatter each day. I'd miss the smiles and the hugs that rarely appear but do show up from time to time, making them more precious than diamonds to me. 
   This is new territory for us, having an adult in the house with a largely child like mind. There are things he simply does not understand so he handles them the only way he can. But we'll figure it out. We have time. For now I'll continue to enjoy life as a mom. 

This post is linked to Heavenly Homemakers Gratituesday.
and Titus2sdays.  Please check out both and connect to other women.

Happily Ever After

  Twenty two years ago today it was raining. One sister wasn't speaking to me. One brother was upset with me.The best man was in another town taking his SAT's. I had no idea who would show up and who wouldn't. I was nervous, but it all went away when I saw my best friend.
   Nothing mattered except I was getting married. I was eighteen, on the verge of graduating high school, and I didn't care about a thing except marrying the one I loved. 
   For most of my teen years I saw myself headed to college, getting a job and being on my own. I wanted a boyfriend, but I didn't really give a thought to a husband because that was far down the road. In reality, other than being a writer, I didn't know what I wanted to be. In my senior year I hadn't thought of applying for scholarships because I didn't think my grades were good enough. I figured I would work for awhile. Life has a way of bringing you to a different path sometimes. 
  I didn't start out the school year thinking I would be married before the end of it. I had just moved back home after a year away. I wanted to have fun, no serious relationships. I knew I wanted to date Christian guys, and thought I had one picked out but he just wanted to be friends. So a friend of mine and her mother pointed her brother in my direction. Long, shaggy hair and a beard. Quiet, with a weird sense of humor. The first time I laid eyes on him at Wednesday night bible study, he was wearing overalls and flip flops. He asked me out, and I said yes. 
  I spent the weekend with his family. I was there as his sister's guest but somehow I was with him a lot more. We talked. We went to the football game and his sister was with us. Somehow though, I didn't think he liked me and he didn't think it would go anywhere. 
  By November of that year, we had dated exclusively. I'd seen how he was with his family, his mother and sister especially. I'd seen how he treated me. He opened doors for me, held my hand in public (still does both of those things). Not because I wasn't able to care for myself but because he wanted to. We talked about a lot of things, and we both agreed that marriage was a lifetime commitment. We both felt that for ourselves as individuals, marriage wouldn't end except for death or adultery. We discussed it some more, and he asked my mother for permission to marry me. Then he proposed in front of his family. Twice, because the first time his Dad didn't have film in the camera. I'd had no clue he was going to propose that day, or I would have worn something other than jeans and a New Kids on the Block tee shirt. He was dressed in black slacks and a white dress shirt. And he was down on bended knee. 
   We discussed the wedding date, and decided on the first Saturday in May, the year following graduation. The more we discussed it, and because some family issues reared their head, we moved up the date. Quite honestly, both of us were eager to start our new lives together. Because of that, and illness, rumors floated around. Sorry to disappoint, but our wedding was a want to, not a have to.
   In the end, my family showed up and my sisters and a niece, along with The Hubby's sister, were bridesmaids, each wearing a different shade of blue. Hubby's brother and friends from church were his groomsmen. The best man made it back in plenty of time. It was a simple church wedding, and you can't hear either of us on the wedding video because we were speaking only for each other. I had no idea what to expect of marriage except I would be with my best friend till death do us part. I was his and he was mine. We learned about marriage and, 14 months later, parenthood, together. For me, it has been happily ever after, but not the Disney fairy tale version of happily ever after. In the real world there are bad times mixed in with the good. We've argued and fussed, slammed doors, dealt with the death of one child and struggled with the special needs of another. Some things that are thrown our way are easier than others, but mostly we deal with them together. We choose to work things out and not give up.
  If I sound a bit smug, maybe I am, but also know that I don't know what the future holds. I don't foresee either of us leaving the other but for death. However, I know that as humans, we aren't perfect. Each day I choose to be with my husband, and each day he chooses to be with me. We are one. And we both have learned that a strong marriage takes three to be complete: God, husband, wife.  A cord of three can't be broken.  

Although this was written last week, I am linking it up to Heavenly Homemaker's Gratituesday. Join us, wont you?You'll find lots more stories of gratitude there. 

Gratituesday: Grateful for My Husband

My friend Laura, from heavenly homemakers  is the creator of Gratituesday. I love her idea to sit back and reflect on something to be grateful for. 
  When i first awoke this morning i thought I would be counting my blessings here, simply to remind myself I have no reason to be whining about being up at 4 30 in the morning. But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to express how grateful I am for my husband.
  Jim and I met 22 years ago when a mutual friend invited to worship service. I loved what i saw and heard at this new place, and the people were very friendly. And there was Jim. Are you familiar with wrestling from back in the 80's? There was this character named hillbilly Jim. This Jim looked a lot like him. Not by design, but by comfort. After service i found that Jim had an intriguing sense of humor. i began attending worship service with the church and got to know Jim's family. 
  Shortly thereafter, Jim asked me out. It didnt take more than a few months for him to propose. And he's been there for me ever since.  As a couple married 21 years we've gone through many ups and downs. He's been in the military and is now a civilian again. We've held each other during the loss of one child and a diagnosis of autism with another. Jim has been my rock. When life stresses me out too much, he's there to hold me, run some bath water for me, or send me to take a nap. 
   He has never really been the flowers and candy and flowery prose type of guy, although i do get flowers and candy on occasion. He's more likely to do the dishes or stay up and clean the house for me now and then. He encourages me to try new things, and patiently listens as I discuss some of the fiction I write. He's right there, cheering me on, coaching me to go ahead and finish it already and see about taking the next step. 
  In a world where couples don't always stay together, I am truly blessed. We love each other and we make it work. We fight and argue at times but we don't let resentments fester. We talk it out, even if one of us (usually me) doesn't want to be an adult at the moment and listen to the other side. 
  Thanks for being there in good times and bad, Jim. I love you!