Tolerance or Love?

This evening perusing Facebook I saw a picture that a friend had on her page. I won't show it because I'd rather not give any company free advertising unless they deserve it.
  The picture stated that company A had a Mother's Day ad that was deemed offensive by some moms and the moms boycotted. The company responded by repeating the ad for Father's Day. Sort of a ha! Take that moment.  The friend commented, "Doesn't the bible teach tolerance? Why don't they start showing it?" I'm guessing "they" means Christians. 
  Okay, I'll bite. First, let's look at some definitions. 

  

Definition of tolerance (n)

bing.com · Bing Dictionary

tol·er·ance

 [ tóllərənss ]   

1. acceptance of different views: the acceptance of the differing views of other people, e.g. in religious or political matters, and fairness toward the people who hold these different views
2. tolerating of somebody or something: the act of putting up with somebody or something irritating or otherwise unpleasant
3. ability to endure hardship: the ability to put up with harsh or difficult conditions

Synonyms: broad-mindedness, open-mindedness, lenience, acceptance, forbearance, charity, patience

 

 

¹love

noun \ˈləv\

Definition of LOVE

1

a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties love

for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>

b : an assurance of affection love>

2

: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>

3

a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration love

>

b (1) : a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment (2) British —used as an informal term of address

4

a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) : brotherly concern for others

b : a person's adoration of God

5

: a god or personification of love 

 

As a writer, I am surrounded by words. I can't get enough of them. But in our (American) English world, there are some words I would like to drop kick off the face of the earth and would be quite pleased never to hear them uttered ever again. Ever. Some words are like certain top 40 songs. They are played over and over and over; overused, misused, and they take on the attitude of the user. Ones that come to mind are the "r" word (sorry, won't even use it, the "n" word (another one that is wrong no matter who says it, in my opinion) and tolerance. 

   Yes, I said I'm tired of the "t" word. The way it gets thrown out so casually by individuals and groups in indignation is annoying to me. It's a curse word these days and it's volleyed back and forth between two groups. Folks, back away from the net and call it a day. No one is going to win that game. Each side just insists they are right. Just remember, if you throw that word, you are in fact saying that it is okay to spew intolerance from your lips. The person or group you are yelling at is supposed to tolerate you and/or your actions or thoughts, but you won't give them the same respect? 

  This brings me to love. Love gets thrown about quite a lot. I love God. I love my husband. I love my kids. I love baseball. I love pizza. Love love love love love. And my favorite, Love the sinner, hate the sin.  I've wrestled with that one for awhile. I've said it myself quite a few times. Something for us to consider: how many times in the bible did Jesus turn away from sinners spouting either hate the sin love the sinner or show some tolerance? Give up? None. 

    Not one time did Jesus shun someone because of their sinful life if they were willing to speak to him. Nor did he tolerate sin. "Go and sin no more" was what he told them. John 8:1-11 is a classic example. A woman caught in adultery was brought to Jesus by the scribes and Pharisees. It was a setup and Jesus knew it. He didn't give them the answer they were looking for. He told them, He who is without sin, cast the first stone. They all left because none of them fit that description. Does that mean we are to turn a blind eye to sin? No. He told the woman not to sin again.

   You know what though? He befriended sinners. He let them know that someone cares. He fed them. He ate with them. He taught them. He loved them and had compassion for them.

  Jesus told us to love your neighbor as yourself.(Matthew 19:19). I think that's one we've forgotten. It doesn't mean you have to go with them to bars or agree that a sin is okay. If a sin is a stumbling block to you, stay away from it. But don't think you're helping someone to learn by avoiding them. People don't care what you know until they know you care. That goes for anyone. Be friendly. Be gracious. Talk. The world needs more compassion.     

Rated R : Labeling, Assuming,

Okay America, pop quiz time. You see a child of fifteen or sixteen in a store who is in the midst of a meltdown -- crying, screaming, may be trying to bite, that type of thing, and one or two people are either talking to him calmly and rubbing his back or leading him someplace a little less populated. What's you're first thought? Be honest with me here.
  A. Whoa, bad trip! Wrong drugs!
  B. Wow, what a brat! His parents should be ashamed! I'd.....
  C. Ugh, what a r*****. 
  D. Should I ask if i can help in some way or should I just stay out of the way?
  E. Why do they allow people like that in public? They should stay home or be institutionalized!
  F. Poor dear, he's having a bad day. I can't do anything to help the situation but I can pray.


2. Same young man, same public place, only this time the boy is giggling a little too loudly, pacing back and forth, waving his hands a little wildly, talking gibberish, coming into your space and smiling, and/or hanging all over an adult who is smiling (sometimes tiredly) and talking to him, sometimes gesturing or telling him to be a little quieter. What's your reaction?
  A, Whoa, he's trippin!
  B. What a r*****
  C. Didn't his parents teach him some manners? Doesn't he know how to act in public?
  D. He's a happy one today!
  E. He's disturbing everyone! He shouldn't be here!

Okay, pencils down, test is over. How'd you do?  If you answered good trip/ bad trip, you may be partially correct. The child may indeed be on medication to help calm him, but sometimes he's just really happy (or really bored silly which produces the goofiness at times) or conversely, something has caused his anxiety to sky rocket. He can't use words to communicate that something hurts, or the lights are too bright, or there are just too many people here and it's too noisy so he melts down.
  If you answered "brat" or "no manners", ennhhh! wrong! He isn't a brat and he does understand how to behave in public. He's still learning, however, and he has the innocence of a wee one. He expresses his emotions easily and yes, sometimes loudly. The presence of the adult in both scenarios show that yes his parents care, and yes they are teaching him how to behave in public.  The options of not taking him into public places or institutionalizing him are outdated, uncaring, and presently unneeded. If he is having a really bad day or the place is a hospital or someplace else that outbursts of any sort could be dangerous or frowned upon, he is either taken outside or simply stays outside or elsewhere with a parent or a friend. 
  If you answered with happy, poor dear, or should I help or stay out of the way, thank you.  You are one of the few out there with compassion.  Yes, there are brats out there, caused by parents who simply do not care (very rare) or by parents who are doing the best they can but are either inconsistent in teaching and discipline or have no idea what form of discipline would work.   Sometimes a child is well behaved but otherwise just having a really bad day or is tired (younger children mostly).  And yes, there are , sadly, some cases where a young adult is misusing/abusing drugs of some sort and it shows publicly. There are all sorts of reasons out there for behavior. The trick is not to simply assume you know what the situation is.
  If you answered with the "r" word, shame on you. This is the single most misused word in the English language. It's used quite casually, calling friends a r***** or its "cute" form, rere. Saying someone or something is r*****ed. It's neither cute nor is it accurate or acceptable.  Yes, some people are mentally slow, or retarded in some area or another. I'm assuming that if you can read this you are intelligent enough to have a rather large and broad vocabulary. If you are a doctor or therapist and can use the word appropriately in discussing a patient, or you're choosing to converse about how certain chemicals in fabric slow the chance of catching fire, fine, use the word. Think twice about using it in a derogatory manner, then think again. When words are improperly, thoughtlessly, uncaringly, and casually tossed about, it speaks volumes of your character, your education, your upbringing, your morals, and people will judge you harshly whether it's true or not. 
  The child mentioned in the pop quiz? Mine. The answers? Those have come across the board over the years as he has gotten older. Some I've heard from public figures, not necessarily speaking of my child, but he could have been because he chose to give his thoughtless, uneducated opinion over the airwaves, perfect strangers who either make snide remarks to whomever may hear the mutters or do nothing to hide what is plainly written on their faces; to fellow Christians, to family members. 
  If you do not know what is going on or you don't know the facts, you have two choices: ask questions or keep your mouth firmly in the closed and locked position. If your name is not Howard Cosell or Walter Cronkite, no one needs to hear your commentary. My son, and others like him, are not celebrities whose lives seem to be constantly up for public scrutiny. 
  David Lander, also known as the lovable Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley, has multiple sclerosis. When he first knew about it, he didn't tell anyone. People would see him fall, or stumble, and they would assume he was drunk or on drugs. I'm sure he isn't the only one who suffers from MS to have others think such thoughts. I learned this about him before I knew my son had autism.  The point? Don't just assume you know the facts. Ask questions first. Most of us do not think questions are rude.  Staring, assuming, those are rude.
  Not all people whom you encounter with autism will act like my son. If you were to have 100 fifteen year olds with autism in the same room, you'd likely see 100 different versions of autistic behaviors. Some will be verbal, some will be mute. One may tell you everything you ever wanted to know and then some about baseball or whatever subject they latch onto. One or two may shriek and flap their hands. Many wont give eye contact unless they know you and are comfortable in their surroundings. You may find one sitting alone doing his own thing, or watching others play. Some may be spinning objects, some may build amazing things out of legoes. Not many will be savants. Rainman is not typical. It's fabulous when a child or adult with autism has an extreme talent for music or art or math. Not all are like that. There will be some who are computer geniuses (some more well known than you'd guess) and some will work with animals, lecture about animals and autism and would be so fascinating to meet (Temple Grandin). All are worth getting to know. 
  When you see a situation, think first. Comment later if at all. Ask questions. Pray. Encourage. Get to know someone.  

A Morning Cup of Tea: Feeding of the Five Thousand

Earlier in chapter 6 (v7) of Mark, Jesus had sent the apostles out two by two to teach and heal. Now, (v 30) they had all come back together and were telling Jesus what they had done and what they had taught. Jesus saw that they needed rest, which wasn't going to happen there because the people were round about them so much they could barely eat. Jesus took them to a desert place to get the rest the apostles needed. 
 The multitudes, however, figured out where they were going and they went too. Jesus didn't have the heart to send them away, seeing they were like sheep without a shepherd. He taught them many things for most of the day. Finally the disciples came to him and suggested that Jesus send the people on their way so they could go find food. Jesus replied, You feed them. The disciples didn't understand. You want us to go into town and buy 200 pennyworth of bread? 
  Jesus asked them to see what they already had here. There was found five loaves of bread and 2 fish. Jesus took the food and blessed it, and broke it apart, and the disciples fed at least 5000 that day, and most likely more. During that time women and children weren't counted, only the men.  After everyone had eaten their fill, all the leftovers were taken up, and they had twelve baskets full left. 
  Jesus saw to the needs of people, both spiritual and physical. We should follow his example and take care of others--not necessarily through letting the government take care of them. The disciples only had a little food, yet they fed many because Jesus blessed it. We ourselves may have only a little food, a few extra clothes, a few words of kindness, but it never ceases to amaze me what God can accomplish through us if we let him.

A Morning Cup of Tea: Mark 3: 1-7

 Jesus is once again in the synagogue on the Sabbath. Waiting for him there is a man with a withered hand. Of course, the Pharisees are also there and they see this. For them it is unlawful to do anything on the Sabbath other than to go to the synagogue, and very little else. 
 Jesus asked the Pharisees, " Is it lawful to do good on the Sabbath days, or to do evil? to save life or to kill?" (v 4) But they held their peace.
  Mark says Jesus looked on them with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts. (v5) He healed the man's hand and when the Pharisees sought out the Herodians to discuss how to destroy Jesus, Jesus took his disciples to the sea. 
  Jesus was angry with the Pharisees. They didn't have compassion on a man with a hand he could not use. They saw and cared only for the law. Instead of caring for their fellow man, they were there only to be sure the law was kept.  We should not be so intent on "being good" that we forget to treat our brothers and sisters with kindness. That does not mean that we can choose to or not to follow Christ's teachings willy nilly. It means that if a friend needs to go to the emergency room on Sunday morning, by all means take him. Call a little later to let someone know where you are. It shouldn't matter what day of the week it is when someone needs you. 
  Also, notice that Jesus was angry but he did not throw a fit. He healed the man and went on.  We don't always have to act on our feelings.  

Update to My Stand

If you read my blog post Saturday night about teens and sex   you would know I didn't finish watching the dvd episode that made me want to write in the first place. I watched it last night. Although a few things made me sad, I am happy to report that I was pleased with how such a sensitive subject as teen pregnancy was handled by the writers. The entire series is a show I would sit and watch with my children and discuss with them during and afterward. This one especially bears watching together. 
  A few things still made me sad though. The boyfriend's feelings were discounted and although he was overzealous and wrong in some (not all) of his thinking, he did want to take responsibility for a life he helped create. Also, though I can understand why the female cop said what she did when asked about her own abortion as a young teenager, it still made me sad. Teen girls need to find someone they can talk to --preferably mom and dad, so please keep the lines of communication open no matter what. If that is not possible, an aunt, a trusted teacher,  someone in the congregation. And those who do talk with the girl honestly, and don't push the "option" of deleting the child. There are ways of handling the situation. Look carefully and you will find good families willing to adopt. I just wish that adoption was a little easier financially. There are good families out there --some may not be able to afford all the fees involved and that is the only thing keeping them from adopting. And if the girl wants to keep the child, support her! I don't necessarily mean financially support, although she may need that. Support emotionally, be there for her. Help her realize that although it won't be easy (life isn't easy nor is it fair), getting an education can be done and sometimes holding down a job to raise the child is part of loving it. 
 The boy should be encouraged to take responsibility as well. If he is not ready to be a father, fine. He should still be made to take financial responsibility for the baby. If he wants to help raise the child, help him figure out how to do that. Support his wishes there. I believe in both sides being heard on this, but there is one thing I would never condone -- letting one kill the child when the other wants to keep the child. My support will always be with the one who wants to keep the child or give the baby up for adoption. 
 In one scene the mother of the teenager confronted the undercover cop and the woman who ran the clinic. She was understandably angry with both because neither encouraged her daughter to be home to talk with her parents about her situation and her fears. The excuse came up, "Many girls don't have that option." I know that not all homes are ideal. Some parents would take it badly. But most parents are willing to listen. They will be heartbroken that their daughter is pregnant, but would be willing to love and support their daughter and help her figure out a solution that is beneficial.

A Morning Cup of Tea: Matthew 15: 29 - 39

Good morning! Today we are finishing up chapter 15 of Matthew. Please read verses 29 through 39.
  Jesus went near to the sea of Galilee, and headed up into a mountain.Once again the multitudes followed him, and they brought with them sick to be healed, the lame, the deaf, dumb, and blind. Jesus healed them all. They were there three days, and Jesus told his disciples he did not want to send them away hungry. All they had were seven loaves of bread and some small fish. Once again, Jesus took the loaves of bread and the fish and blessed it, and fed the multitudes. This time there were about four thousand men, along with women and children.  When everyone had eaten and the leftovers picked up, there were seven baskets full. 
  Everywhere Jesus goes the people follow, and he always has compassion for them. He healed them, fed them, taught them.  There is much we can do for those around us. We can teach those who wish to learn about Jesus, we can take care of those around us. 
 Have a great day.