What Miley Can Teach Us

Miley Cyrus. Photo Credit: Photobucket.

The last few days have seen a flurry of activity in the news, online, and in the blog world about Miley Cyrus and her performance at the VMA's. I won't link to any of that because you can find it if you're interested.  I have not seen the show nor the clips, but the descriptions some people gave and a few pictures I've seen are more than enough to both anger me and break my heart.

Forgive me for using a poor phrase, but some say I don't have a dog in the fight because I don't have any daughters of my own, nor do I have sons who would be caught up in that temptation. True. My son isn't "into" dating or even noticing girls for more than half a second. His world consists of food, sleeping, and music for the most part. I do however, have two young nieces growing up in this world and I know friends with daughters at this time. My concern isn't just for the young ladies I'm related to. I'm concerned about them all.

One post I read mentioned that parents who allow their children to watch MTV should expect some filth. That is a true statement, but filth has permeated more than just that arena. Magazines and ads geared toward teens and tweens encourage provocative dress. A movie I watched on Netflix recently about a coach who dared to try and teach his basketball team educational and personal responsibility showed a school dance scene that included a girl of 15, 16 years of age simulating a sex act with a boy. Some just call that "harmless dancing." And shows like Toddlers and Tiaras or a trip to the beach teach us that  risque and "mature" outfits are being pushed on the babies and the preschool set as well. Because little Dolly looks so "Cute!!!" in that little bikini with the ruffled bottom or the sequined strapless gown on the four year old with the 25 year old made up face.

 True, there is more to girls than the clothes covering her body or how she acts in public. But. While I think it's great (up to a point) that young ladies are taught that they are beautiful (they all are. Every. Last. One.) and they should be free to express themselves in the way they dress and how they conduct themselves in private as well as public, I think a huge piece of the puzzle is missing: Self Respect. And with it, Self Esteem.

Years ago, when Miley was a rising Disney star, her father, Billy Ray Cyrus, had concerns that his daughter not turn out like another Britney. Fast forward to the present. I do not know his reaction to his daughter's sex act onstage in front of the world (that's what it was, folks. Plain and simple). No one bothered mentioning him. Her mother however, stood up and applauded. Applauded! Had she been my daughter I would have stood up as well --and marched up onto the stage to yank the little princess backstage. I don't care that she's 20 years old now. And i would have wondered about myself: Did I teach her as well as I could have? Did I tell her "no" when she needed to hear it and stand firm on that no? And a million other questions. I'm not totally laying the blame on Miley's parents. Like most of us, I'm sure they did the best they could in teaching her and did what they thought was best. Hollywood, the rest of the media, and Miley herself have their share of responsibility as well.  And while the focus is on Ms. Cyrus lately, she isn't the only one who thinks that exploiting her own body is the way to get attention and sell music. Lady Gaga, Madonna, Katy Perry, and even Taylor Swift has abandoned her sweet, romantic persona for angry and sexy. 

So what are we as parents, aunts, mentors and friends supposed to do in order to combat this era of women being seen only as a thing to be used and tossed aside?

• Pray. Pray for our children, both male and female, from the moment they are conceived and continually thereafter.
• Take them to Church.  Raise them up in the church. Teach them from Day One about the love of God, and Jesus who died for all our sins. Fill them with the Word.
• Be a Role Model.  If they see how important our Heavenly Father is to you, and how you handle yourself in and out of public, they will pay attention. On the other hand, if you say that Gaga's outfits are outlandish and yet your skirts are a little too tight or too short, they notice that as well. True they have to make up their own minds, but the more positive influence that kids and even young adults have in their lives, the harder it is for Satan and his Hollywood influence to poison them.
• Teach them that self love does not equate to self degradation or the degradation of others. The world is teaching our girls that in short, they are nothing but a sex object. Or that they should be. Objects are things to be used and discarded when no longer deemed useful. We should be combating the very idea that girls need to show a lot of skin or act in a lascivious manner in order to be noticed and loved. Modesty in both dress and action should be lauded. Unfortunately, girls are taught that it's okay to have sex at a young age, and society praises them for it. When they do have sex, the boy gets what he wants and discards her for another conquest when he's tired of it or she gets pregnant. Once pregnant she must either decide to give the baby up for adoption, raise the baby herself (often but not always with the help of family) or she is convinced to abort the child. In each case, she must grow up all too quickly. Our boys should be taught as well that women are not to be treated as sex objects to be used and abused. Respect needs to be taught on both sides of that fence.
• Tell them NO. And stick by that. It is not the end of the world if a child misses out on a party or an outfit or whatever. They will live. Even teens need boundaries. Will they continue to push them? Yup. Will they be defiant at times and do or buy what they want anyway? You bet. And hopefully you handle it, not by giving in, but through discussion, discipline, and consistency.
• Educate them.  Not just ABCs and 1+1+2, although a good well rounded education in which they are taught how to think and reason for themselves and not just spitting back answers so that exams can be passed, is a very good thing to have. Teach them how to care for themselves. Teach the girls as well as the boys how to change a tire, how to do minor repairs around the house, how to find the North star. Teach them that they are very valuable, and that valuable things should not be given so cheaply.  Teach them that they should strive to be healthy, not skinny enough to fit society's standard of the day.  Teach them to honor God and to pursue their goals. Sadly this has to be the case, but also teach them that their are wolves out there who want nothing more than to hurt them in some way, and also teach them how to protect themselves from it. There are many sweet, loving, kind people out there, including men and boys, but girls need to know the signs of those who would only abuse them.
• And finally, Be there for them.  If you are the parent, aunt, mentor, or other woman of authority, that is your first responsibility. Being their friend can be part of that, but they need a Mama first. Guide them. Teach them. Be available. I know it isn't easy sometimes, but find the balance between standing firm and being approachable so they can come to you to talk. About anything. Some conversations are going to be hard, for both of you, but this is very important to keep the lines of communication open.

I stated earlier that I was both angry and saddened at Miley's actions that night. And I still am. I'm both heartbroken and furious that this child thinks that the way to acceptance and popularity and adulthood is this type of behavior. I'm outraged and upset that the media and society at large thinks this is "liberating" for women and a good thing, and I'm disgusted that there are those who think it's better to let a child do what she wants than to "Judge." 
    I'm not naive enough to think that if everyone followed scripture and my suggestions the whole world will be rosy and happy and all young ladies will dress and act modestly and all young men will be respectful. There is a thing that we all possess, called "Free Will," given to us by our Creator. We can be taught what is good, what is noble, what is lovely, but we are able to choose for ourselves whether we do right or wrong. We seem to have gotten that lesson loud and clear here in this country. What I fear we've neglected is that with free will comes responsibility and consequence. Instead of consequence, we tend to hide our heads in the sand or pass the buck. And this is where we have failed young Miley and those who are heading down that same path.  

 It's not too late for Miley or all the others to be taught. Or maybe she was and just chose not to listen. I don't know. But its still not too late.

What Are We Teaching Our Daughters? Another Look at Modesty

Ladies, especially teenagers, young adults, and mama's of little girls, can we talk a minute? Here in Georgia we are still in the middle of summer, despite what the school calendar says. I realize how hot it gets outside, particularly when I'm going through some of those all too fun "power surges" that are starting to pop up now and again as I get a little older. However, I am fairly certain we can dress a little cooler without becoming immodest. 
  I realize that my style is not necessarily your style, but I've been seeing some things that break my heart, and I've also seen some things my poor eyes should never have seen! If I'm seeing these things, I know men are seeing them. Our Christian brothers are trying to keep their thoughts pure. Being human, it's rather hard to do that when a young lady has revealing clothing on.
 Ladies, a few tips for dressing to out in public:
   If you have to pull clothing out of parts of your anatomy when standing after sitting awhile, it's too small and most likely too tight. 
   Leggings are great to exercise in or to wear underneath a skirt. No matter how great your body looks, it really doesn't look that great to wear just those in public.  
  People do make judgments about you based on your attire. 
  Mamas, little girls  DO NOT need to be wearing little adult clothes. Yes, I know. They're cute! It's harmless! Come on, ladies. Stop buying Little Princess clothing at Hoochies R Us.  First of all, it teaches her that it's okay to wear next to nothing and it will be harder later to teach her about modesty. Secondly, and just as important, there are men out there who will take advantage of your little daughter given the chance.  Yes you can take steps to stop perverts and dressing your daughters and yourselves properly will help.  
   I know also that part of the way little girls are dressed are because of pageants. I have a love hate relationship with those things. I can't help but think of JonBenet Ramsey when I see precious girls dressed up as little adults. There is no telling what horrors that child was put through before she was killed. What is wrong with dressing our little girls as little girls? Drop the make up except for dress up time at home. Do the pageants if it's fun for her, but choose wisely. You're parading in front of strangers your most precious gift in life --your daughter. At the same time, focus on her other attributes --her gift for math or spelling, her sports or art. Teach her that not everything is hinged on her looks.
  I'll probably be back on this subject again, especially after seeing seeing some ads directed toward teenagers, and magazines with tiny tots posed provocatively. For now, weigh in with your opinions on the matter. All I ask is that whether you agree or disagree, please keep comments civil and  clean.

What Are We Teaching Our Daughters?

I have a niece who is fifteen years old, and tries to dress like she's twenty. She's been doing this since at least the age of thirteen. My other niece just turned twelve. For most of her life she's been influenced by the likes of Barbie, Hannah Montana, and others. So far i've seen her only dress in jeans. 
  In my area if you do not have cable, dsl, or a converter box, you do not have television. We choose to keep it that way in our home. We borrow dvds and we have netflix so I depend a lot on the internet for news. One of the first things I saw this morning was a clip from ABC news;
   *** Ok, there was supposed to be a video here, but all i got was a mess. I'm still learning about how to blog, so be patient with me, please. Unless it comes from You Tube I'm sort of clueless now how to post them here. 
Push up bras being designed for girls of about fifteen years. It promises to add 2 cup sizes to the wearer. Do fifteen year olds really need this? Is this the way we want to raise our daughters' self esteem? Or is it teaching that society only sees them as sex objects and if you are not a certain cup size or don't wear the right clothes or arent the right height or size, you are worth nothing? 
  Parents are the first line of defense here. We need to be teaching them that their self worth need not be tied to sexiness. How one looks may get attention we want, but it also may bring unwanted attention or something the girls are not ready emotionally to handle. Teach our girls that they have talents, such as sports or creativity. Encourage them to continue to study. Talk to them about what their favorite movie star or singer is wearing and weather or not it is appropriate for girls. They needn't show off a lot of skin to be popular or have high self esteem. I will be back to talk more on this later.

A Morning Cup of Tea: Jesus on Adultery and Divorce

Good morning.It's a beautiful Lord's day here. My household is preparing to go to worship services in a bit.

Today's lesson is from Matthew 5: 27-32.
27. Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
28. But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery already with her in his heart.
 Now ladies, I'm going to stop right here for a second. We all know that this information goes both ways. I'm also going to say that that the old excuse "I can't help it if some guy looks at me. They're going to look anyway" does not fly. Sorry, that dog just don't hunt. 
  Yes, there are some out there who would wolf whistle at a woman covered head to toe. But that does not give us the right to dress immodestly. We don't necessarily have to go back to high neck blouses and skirts down to the toes unless you happen to like that look. But wearing the microscopic  shorts that barely cover the "essentials" and the tops that either show the belly or half your chest is like having a flashing sign over your head saying, Hey, look at me!
  Yes, I know it's hot outside. And I know the excuse, they shouldn't look. If you didn't want guys to look would you be dressing that way? honestly?  A tip, ladies: leggings are great for exercising and such. Out in public, please wear something else over your hips.  
  Dressing modestly applies to men as well. We need to teach our sons not to be wearing tight jeans or conversely, pants that are so loose that you have to walk funny to keep from losing them completely. 
  29. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out , and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
  30. And if they right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
 Simply put, we should be keeping a tight rein on ourselves, and taking care of the "trouble spots." 
 31. It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
 32. But I say unto you,  That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to  commit adultery:  and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
 I don't think Jesus could get any plainer than that. There is no biblical reason for divorce other than one partner straying from the marriage bed. Marriage should be sacred. NOTHING should get between a man and a woman who are married. Yes, I understand that people also divorce because of abuse. I would never , ever advocate staying where you are not safe. But scriptural divorce is only in that one case.
  One day i would love to do a post or series on marriage. But for now, if you would like to read some great husband/wife advice, please go to heavenly homemakers
   for Laura and Matt's series on Healthy Marriage Tips From A to Z. 


Have a wonderful day!