Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Catching Up and Thoughts on the Respect Dare

For those of you still following me and those just joining me, thank you. I apologize for not posting more regularly, but taking care of family trumps sitting and writing. As it is, I'm sitting here arguing with J. He wants attention and food, and not necessarily in that order. Never fear though, lunch is being heated up at this very moment. 
  Speaking of J, he's been on new medication for about a month or so now. I'm happy to report that he is doing well. One of the reasons that he's acting up a little today is he ran out of one of the meds over the weekend. It will get refilled today when he sees his doctor.  He also sees his new neurologist on August first. He has an EEG scheduled for that day. We like this new doctor, as well as the intern. Both took the time to listen to our concerns and asked many questions. The treatment plan was explained well enough and we all came out happy.
  I just completed Dare nine in the Respect Dare. I'm not going as fast as I'd like to catch up with the others, but that's okay for now. I want all of this to sink in. Dare nine was about overlooking insults. Not necessarily from your husband, but from anyone who just plain wants to be rude. I have a hard time with this, honestly. If people are rude with me, I have a tendency to get ugly right back. With strangers and casual acquaintances I can handle it better, but the barbs hurt a little worse when it comes from family or friends you know well. Let me be perfectly clear though: this is *not* a way to say my husband insults me. He doesn't. Like any human, he has his faults. That isn't one of them. But when others do get my goat, he tends to be an indirect target of my ill mood. Thankfully, he has a calming influence on me. He knows just what to say or do and he knows most of the time when to just let me blow off steam so that we can discuss it. I'm the one who needs to learn to redirect my thoughts and words and actions.
  Dare ten teaches not to judge or criticize others, or to speak too quickly, but to speak with wisdom after carefully listening. I know there are far too many times when my mouth has a hair trigger --it goes off without warning. I am my husband's helpmeet. i want him to be able to come to me without dread that I'm going to say something negative. I want my presence and speech to be welcoming to him at all times.
   I reposted a photo on facebook  that shows a cuddling couple by a fireplace and it said "Home" is in the arms of my husband. That statement is so true for me. What a friend commented is also true: she said that was very rare for most women. Ladies, I would never encourage anyone to stay in a relationship that is physically abusive. Ever. I'm not a marriage counselor, nor am I an expert by any means in marriage. I just know that in order for a marriage to work, it takes work -on both sides. What my friend continued to say makes a lot of sense (and I hope she doesn't mind me quoting her) : 
sometimes we women are all prickles and thorns rather than a purring cat. But then, there can be a reason for that - hurt feelings, verbal attacks. It can be a vicious cycle. Somebody in the relationship has to put an end to it. Like a square knot - it only tightens when both ropes pull against each other.

Whether we have a good marriage and want to make it even better, or there is a problem that needs to be fixed, I recommend two things -Prayer and the Respect Dare.   It's not about being a doormat, it's not about being weak. Will it be easy? Not really. Will it be worth it? I think so.  

1 comment:

  1. The Respect Dare certainly has some important aspects. When anyone is rude or unkind to us, or insults us, Jesus would have us return unkind treatment with love. Hard to do sometimes. Of course, we must set healthy boundaries, but still return good for evil and not seek revenge or retribution. By the way, I just finished a book you might find very interesting - Elijah's Cup - written by the mother of an autistic boy. Really a good book and one that you might enjoy and find helpful. Have a great day.